- OK.
So the first thing that I want to do
is I want to start with this idea
that you should find somebody who loves
you more than you love them.
I want to talk a little bit about this
in your individual relationships.
If you will look under your seats,
you will find tablets and pens.
And just for a second, I want you to put a little bit
of space in between you.
It may be the one time that I asked you not to be close.
And what I want you to write on this sheet of paper for me--
I want to know in each of your individual relationships,
who would you say has the power between you?
Power?
The power.
SPINDERELLA ROPER: That's the word, power?
SPIRIT: The Power in your relationship.
Q COLEMAN: That's a strong word.
SPINDERELLA ROPER: - That's a very strong word.
SPIRIT: This is a strong group.
OK.
Are we all there?
Which couple wants to volunteer to go first?
SPINDERELLA ROPER: We can go.
SPIRIT: OK, so which one of you guys?
I just want one.
Which one is telling me who has the power--
Q COLEMAN: I'll go.
SPIRIT: --in this relationship first?
Turn it.
So he says Dee Dee.
All right.
Spin, Q says you have the power.
Why, Q?
It's because of our--
I don't want to say our living arrangements.
I let my house go and moved in with her.
OK
Q COLEMAN: So just on that aspect,
I'm like, well, you know, this--
she's like, hey, I need this for the bills.
I-- here you know, baby.
That's, you know, it's pretty much like that.
SPIRIT: So is this a, if it doesn't work out,
she can put me out?
She could if she wanted to, I guess.
Yeah.
SPIRIT: So since I moved into hers, hers is not ours.
And that creates a power differential between us.
Yeah.
SPIRIT: OK, Spin.
So your partner, your fiance, says
it's you that has the power.
Did you agree?
[LAUGHTER]
Me. SPIRIT: OK.
She said.
DWAYNE BOWE: Ooh!
Ooh [INAUDIBLE].
SPIRIT: Tell me why you believe that you hold
the power in your relationship.
I hold the power because I was born.
I was me.
I live through me.
And everything starts with me.
And then I give from me.
So that's how I saw it.
I didn't see it from the materialistic side.
But I'm seeing it more from the power in any relationship
has to start with each individual first
and then come together.
That's how I saw it.
That was very safe.
SPIRIT: Was it?
You got good words, man.
THERESA BOWE: That was very safe.
What do you guys want me to say?
I don't know. Like--
DWAYNE BOWE: Good words.
That's how I see--
it's I'm being safe. SPIRIT: Show a reaction.
What is this?
SPINDERELLA ROPER: I'm not being safe.
SPIRIT: Tell me. There's--
SPINDERELLA ROPER: That's how I'm being.
SPIRIT: --a grumbling. But I want to know.
You guys think what about what she's saying?
BREYON WILLIAMS: To me, at least,
it just seems like, you know, she says all the right things.
If she said that, me, sitting next to her, being her man,
I wouldn't be offended by it.
Spin, what do you think about the feedback
that you're hearing.
I think everyone thinks that we're
the Huxtables, or something. But--
[LAUGHTER]
[INAUDIBLE] the internet last night.
But it's not the politically correct answer.
It's what I'm dealing with.
When you ask the question, who has the power,
I have the power.
And then I'm joining with someone who has the power.
And we're coming together.
That's how I see it.
SPIRIT: OK.
Which couple is next?
He can go first. SPINDERELLA ROPER: Mm-hmm.
This should be interesting.
Why do you think it'll be interesting, Spin?
SPINDERELLA ROPER: Well, I just see that they came
a little ways since the top of the,
you know, the group sessions.
And-- - So to see where they are now?
SPINDERELLA ROPER: Yeah.
It kind of would reveal a little something.
SPIRIT: Let's see.
So Benzino says, not me.
SPINDERELLA ROPER: Oh, wow.
[LAUGHTER]
OK.
All right.
So Benzino, I take that to mean Althea
has the power in your relationship?
It's pretty obvious I have no power.
I have no say so.
I feel like I've done things to show how I could help her
attain certain goals that she's had,
as far as singing and wanting to be on TV.
And I've done that.
The stuff that I did, I was the head.
But you really couldn't be the head with Althea.
And I knew that early.
So then let me ask you.
Have there been times, at least in your mind,
in this relationship, where you did things to show your love--
not necessarily to have power.
But it was perceived, I'm doing this so that I
could have power over you?
BENZINO: I don't think either/or.
I think sometimes, like, if she got mad,
and I would hurry up and give-- do something
to get her happy again.
I think sometimes, she would be spoiled.
And she would act out.
And I would do things, you know, to make her happy.
And you know, the bottom line is, you know,
nice things make women happy.
And she's was one of them women.
Nice things make some women happy.
BENZINO: Well, yeah.
But, I mean, as far as Althea, you know.
SPIRIT: So nice things make Althea happy.
BENZINO: Yeah.
SPIRIT: And so Althea, I want to get how you feel about that.
But I want you to know that for people
whose love languages are gifts, it has nothing to do
with the cost of the gift.
If her favorite bubble gum is grape,
and you came back in there with that,
it would have been about you knowing her,
you thinking about her, being away from her,
and being able to express that love.
If the favorite bubble gum is Chanel
opposed to Michael Kors--
SPIRIT: Right.
BENZINO: --then you know to get the Chanel.
SPIRIT: Absolutely.
And you know the Chanel's going to cost 5 Bens
more than that Michael Kors. - Mm-hmm.
BENZINO: So you got to know which bubble gum to get.
SPIRIT: That's right.
So Althea, I want you to respond to what do you think to hear
Benzino say that he believes, in your relationship,
that you hold the power.
You should be appreciative that I come with the bag.
And I take care of everything. BENZINO: But the bag--
SPIRIT: How-- how did we get from the bag to the power?
I don't understand.
Because that's all he talks about is finances.
BENZINO: I just--
ALTHEA HEART: That's all he talks about.
BENZINO: I don't know.
No, he said that he believes that you
hold the power because he gives it to you from a place of love.
He loves you enough to give his power
away to try to make you happy.
But that's not power-- cursing and yelling at me all day.
That's not the power.
SPIRIT: You-- did I say cursing or yelling?
ALTHEA HEART: I'm telling you what it is.
SPIRIT: No, no, no, no, no.
You're missing the point.
ALTHEA HEART: I'm not missing the point.
SPIRIT: OK. So then tell us.
BENZINO: This is why-- SPIRIT: Wait, wait.
Go slow. Stop.
Stop. Stop.
This is where I step back in.
You're not missing the point.
So tell us what the point is.
The point is, is I feel like he wants to say,
I believed in your career.
But when was it ever the communication
of a relationship?
No, no, no. That's not what he's saying.
You have part of it. BENZINO: Thank you.
SPIRIT: And you say you're not missing the point.
So I want to bring you back to it.
Because it's like, this is the point.
And you're, like, over here.
OK?
Why is he saying that he feels that you have
the power in your relationship?
Because I don't have to deal with him.
And I don't. That's why.
Man-- SPIRIT: No, no, no, no, no.
No, no. No, no.
Why is your partner saying that he feels like--
ALTHEA HEART: Because I'm financially stable.
That's why. SPIRIT: No.
That's a-- - OK.
Then what is it? SPIRIT: Is that what he said?
Wait, wait. We're going to get there.
I mean, I'm not crazy.
SPIRIT: No, you're not crazy.
The minute he opens his mouth, he's
constantly, like, trying to justify of why we didn't work.
We didn't work because he gives me his last dollar.
It's not about that. it's about the disrespect.
She only sees the disrespect.
I don't think she sees--
The gifts?
--anything else.
BREYON WILLIAMS: It's not the gifts.
It's everything else.
He's mad that he's done for me.
SPIRIT: Did anybody else get that Benzino is upset
that he's done for Althea. BREYON WILLIAMS: No.
- I didn't get that. - I didn't get that, either.
SPIRIT: I wonder what it would look like--
Whatever money he spent on me--
SPIRIT: --for you to-- - --I spent on him, too.
SPIRIT: No, listen.
I'm not going to get into an argument with you.
But it's not--
I'm not going to-- like, this is crazy.
If Althea would just finally, in herself,
understand that Althea could have been a gymnast.
And then I would have supported.
I would have did something to support that.
Althea could have been in--
a chef.
Then I would have tried to get her her own restaurant.
My thing was her aspirations was sing and then to be an actress
and to do all these things.
And I felt like when she met me, I
was in position, at that time, to do all these things.
And I did them. SPIRIT: OK.
Stop.
Are you saying that when you met her,
she was a career driven woman?
So part of what she was looking for
was a mate that would support her career.
Any mate that I'm with.
SPIRIT: I'm not finished. - OK.
Yes. Yes, Spirit.
Hold tight.
I'm trying to help you get your point made.
Now Althea, what did you just hear him say?
ALTHEA HEART: That he was supportive of me
when he met me.
And why was he supportive of you when he met you?
Because he liked me. And he cared.
BENZINO: Loved!
Loved!
ALTHEA HEART: And yes, that-- yes.
Love!
ALTHEA HEART: Yes.
SPIRIT: Love.
That was different than loved.
BENZINO: You don't do those things with like.
All these years, since your deal with Def Jam had passed,
you'd still be pursuing this career.
It's true that you may have gone with men who was in that field.
OK.
Whatever happened-- whatever happened,
it didn't happen on a national basis, where you blew up.
I did that.
And there was times of you told me,
you gave me everything I wanted.
I can't believe, like, you gave me-- and you would name them.
And then it was like, yo.
And I-- do you know how, like, good that felt me?
I didn't care what was in the bank at that point.
Because I knew, look, we're going to go get our own show.
We're going to get all this.
Like, we was-- like, we would-- - Everything is a show.
SPIRIT: OK. Calm down.
No, no, no, no, no. See, you miss it.
You missed it. Wait.
BENZINO: But the opportunity-- SPIRIT: Let me help you.
- --was the show. - Benzino, stop.
Stop, stop.
- What the [BLEEP] man? - I don't care.
But I have money, though.
BENZINO: But it has nothing to do with money.
And since I met you, I went down hill.
BENZINO: We're saying a career. [INTERPOSING VOICES]
SPIRIT: Time out. [INTERPOSING VOICES]
- --just said [INAUDIBLE]. - Lady and gentleman--
BENZINO: You don't want to answer that, do you,
Time out. BENZINO: --Althea?
You don't want to give me that. [INTERPOSING VOICES]
SPIRIT: Benzino, stop. - Who cares?
BENZINO: But, but, but if you so much of a boss, right,
and I'm your son's father, how the hell could
you say that to me?
You been saying it the whole time.
You're a snake and you're grimy.
And nothing's going to come of you.
SPIRIT: Do you feel good, now? - Yeah.
No. No, I don't.
SPIRIT: OK, so-- - No, I don't.
But you allowed that shit. - Get control.
No. BENZINO: All right?
SPIRIT: You allowed it. BENZINO: Yeah, I know.
Done. I'm done.
ALTHEA HEART: I'm embarrassed for you.
I'm done.
ALTHEA HEART: I'm embarrassed for you.
She's grimy.
ALTHEA HEART: I'm embarrassed for you.
She's never met-- I've never met nobody like you.
I've never met nobody like you.
I know what I did for her.
I know my love was real.
And I know what I did.
And she's going to make everybody in here,
up to her last breath, make it feel like she's the boss bitch.
And she doesn't need nobody. And she didn't need me.
And she got more than me.
No.
SPIRIT: She can't make anybody do anything.
BENZINO: No, no, no, no.
But she's doing a hell of a job trying to do it.
ALTHEA HEART: Can I say something?
And I'm not going to sit here and keep taking that shit.
SPIRIT: Hold on. Hold on.
No, no, no.
Because let me tell you what you guys are not going to do.
You're not going to use me as the conduit to play
things out between each other. [INTERPOSING VOICES]
ALTHEA HEART: What I want to say,
anything that he has to say about me,
I respect his opinion about me.
But since we've been here, all he has said was, well,
when somebody-- when you do something
for somebody all the time-- SPIRIT: What is this?
--and they take your money-- SPIRIT: What is this?
He keeps throwing jabs at me. SPIRIT: This is not a defense.
But what is this?
OK.
SPIRIT: Just shut the [BLEEP] up.
If one of you would just be the hero by just shutting
the [BLEEP] up sometimes.
Your co parent has lost his mind in this session, today,
all with the goal of trying to get
you to acknowledge how he has shown up in your relationship.
And you just can't make the connection.
ALTHEA HEART: That's not true. I am grateful.
And my opinion is--
SPIRIT: That's not what I just said to you.
ALTHEA HEART: --over the years, I've shown grateful.
But what-- - And we're over the years.
ALTHEA HEART: --I had, he had.
SPIRIT: OK?
The one thing, the only thing I'm wanting you to acknowledge
is what he was doing as an act of love for you.
Because he needs to hear you say, I saw you.
I saw you.
Because I loved you, I was giving you every--
I gave you the power.
I was willing to be in a position of weakness
because I loved you.
And all he's asking you was, did you see it?
ALTHEA HEART: Yes.
That's why I had your child.
SPIRIT: When somebody gives you something, what do you do?
You're supposed to just give--
How about she just got finished saying-- like, do--
SPIRIT: The same thing that I gave her.
--you hear the shit she says to me?
You don't treat people like that.
You don't treat the-- you don't-- like,
whatever financial difficulty that I fell on--
Was not a problem. BENZINO: You don't stick it.
You don't stick.
You don't stick me for that. - He makes it a problem.
That's what she can't wait to say that.
ALTHEA HEART: You make it a problem for me.
SPIRIT: Listen. Listen.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
BENZINO: I don't make it a problem!
ALTHEA HEART: And I'm a gold digger.
SPIRIT: Lady and gentleman.
Lady and gentleman, stop.
Stop.
You failed today.
But here is the benefit about failure.
Failure simply means we haven't done it yet.
You can choose to do this differently any time
you're ready.
If you can't do it for yourself, then think
about doing it for your son.
In the meantime, though, thank you, again, for hijacking
this group for another day.
I hope that you all will hold your group
members accountable so that you can get what you need, too.
Group is over.
Get out.