Tess Brigham: Today I'm going to talk about the seven things that
I regret not doing in my 20s and 30s. And I'm going to share with
you some things that you can do differently starting today, so
that you don't miss it make the same mistakes I did. For all the
best advice, help tools, tips, all that stuff that you need,
please subscribe to my YouTube channel. There's a new video
every single Thursday. I'm Tess Brigham, psychotherapist and
coach. So let's get started. So about a year and a half ago, I
wrote an article for CNBC, they call me the millennial
therapist, go check it out, if you haven't read my articles,
cut, and they wanted me to talk about some things that I regret
from my 20s and 30s. And trust me, I had a long list. But it
was a very popular article. And people always ask me about it.
And so I thought it would be good to talk about these seven
things today. And I want to go into a little bit more depth
about each one. So let's get started. The first one was
saving money, which is huge. You know, when I was young, I get a
paycheck, I spend it all and then a new paycheck came and I
spend it all a new paycheck came. But the problem was that I
wasn't very good about saving money, I didn't see the need for
it, like why do I need to save money for anything, right? What
big emergencies could possibly happen to me and but
unfortunately, people learn this one the hard way, which is, is
that saving money is so incredibly valuable, you know,
many people who are really into money and talk about savings and
investing and all of this one, one of the things that's most
interesting that they talk about is that $1 saved is better than
$1 earned $1 saved means that you're saving that you're not
paying tax, you're not paying more taxes on it, you've already
earned it, you're paid tax on it already. So dollar that you
save, there are no taxes and that you're able to take that
money and put it in the bank and earn interest earn investments,
it's better than $1 earned. So one of the things about being
young is you also have time, the thing is, is that you have so
many years in front of you, which makes you think that you
have all the time in the world. But when it comes to money, this
is the most valuable time to start developing some habits,
really good money habits. And number two, it's a great time to
save because interest, you just have more time to collect
interest, right? There's a big difference between someone who
starts saving at 20. And someone who starts saving at 50. All
right, I'm not going to bore you with the math, but any, any
financial advisor will talk to you about this. So what I want
you to do today is think about, okay, how much money do I feel
like I could save each month or each week, I find it really
hard to think about saving a bunch of money every month. But
what I do is I break it down every single week, and I have it
taken out of my bank account. So both my business account and
bank account, I have money taken out automatically every single
week. And it's helped both myself and my husband save
tremendously. And it's one of the best things that you can do,
it feels so good when you see all that money in the account.
And you're like, wow, I can do this. So pick a percentage
5% 10%, anything that you have and start the process of saving,
and just get started with it. If it feels good, it might feel
uncomfortable at first, that's okay, that happens. But just
simply start, it could be 1%, it could be $1 doesn't matter, it
will start to add up. And it's about really learning how to
build this practice now. All right, number two is advocating
for myself at work. So a lot has changed in the world, especially
you know, I'm in my 40s. Now, a lot has changed in the last 25
years since I started in the in the job market. And one of the
thing is I'm so proud of especially my female clients
that I see them out there really advocating for themselves,
really asking for what they want and going after what they want.
But there's probably even more that you could be doing. You
have the right to negotiate a salary for a long time, I never
negotiated salaries, you have the right to negotiate lots of
different things. It doesn't always have to be money. It
could be vacation time, it could be projects, think about work
and think about what am I not doing as a way of advocating for
myself, one of the biggest ways to advocate for yourself is
through doing projects that are visible. So at work, there's
visible work and there's invisible work. The visible work
is the work that gets noticed by the higher ups. Those are the
things those are the moments in time where people are like, Oh,
yeah, when people are off off for raises and promotions, those
are the projects that people talk about. And then there's
invisible work, which has to get done. But a lot of times there's
people who just take on one invisible project after another
and while it's not fair, it's on Fortunately, the way things
work. So if you know a visible projects, go advocate for
yourself go in there, make it a time to meet with your manager
and tell them why you need this project. And absolutely, what is
the worst thing that can happen? They say no. Okay, but you're
right where you are right now. All right, it's number two.
Number three is, this one's really important. One of the
regrets I made and have made again and again, is taking time
to tell the people in my life that I'm grateful for them. So
in my life, I've unfortunately lost two really good friends of
mine at various times of my life. And trust me, it was
nothing I had ever thought was going to happen to me, it was
nothing ever planned for. And there are two people that had
not spoken to in a bit. They were really good friends of
mine. And I just thought my life was too busy. I was to this I
was to that I was mad I was this, right? It's ridiculous.
Because sometimes things happen. And I think especially in this
last year, with COVID, I think it's taught us all tremendously,
that life can be short. And that it's really important for you to
say, I love you, I am grateful for you, I care about you now.
So think about somebody in your life right now that you think I
don't tell them enough and go and tell them, write them a
letter, write them an email, text them, people would so
appreciate that it's so important. Alright, four is
embracing unemployment. So many of you might be unemployed right
now. And I don't believe it is such a tricky time, right,
you're off of work, which is nice, which feels good. But at
the same time, you're looking for a job that's really anxiety
filled, right. And so I know for myself that all the times that I
was unemployed, I was just so anxious about getting a job and
feeling so down in the process of applying and ever hearing
back and then getting rejected can be incredibly draining. So
this is if you're unemployed right now, the best thing that
you can do is yes, apply for jobs, continue to do the things
that you need to do network, go out there, do all the job
hunting things that you're doing. But it can't be a full
time job. It's about three to four hours a day. And then with
the rest of the day, I want you to just do things and embrace
the fact that oh my god, I'm gonna have a job soon. I'm not
going to have all this wonderful time to do nothing on a Monday
afternoon. Enjoy it and do something because you're
experiencing so much rejection, from the being unemployed and
from jobs, do things that make you feel good about yourself
that lift you up that will counterbalance and give you more
confidence for applying for the jobs. Okay, five is being
fearless and taking chances.
And I know that sounds a little vague. But the best way for me
to describe this is is that I've taken lots of chances in my
life. I there are times that I've been fearless. But there's
many times that I've held myself back and I wasn't fearless. And
so what that is, is it's about not second guessing yourself. So
many of my clients, I see them second guessing themselves
thinking, Oh, should I say this? Should I do this? Should I do
that? It's like no, go for it. second guessing yourself sitting
in indecision in the analysis paralysis. If you want
something, go for it again. Worst case scenario is a no. So
please, if being being fearless means different things to
different people. But it's really about learning how to not
let your anxiety and fears get in your way of achieving and
doing the things that you want. Just going for it. Okay, six, oh
my gosh, taking care of your body. So I think anybody who's
older will tell you that you think back to where you were in
your 20s and you're like, why don't I appreciate my body then?
Why did I not think I looked great. You know, I know for
myself at the time, I probably beat myself up all the time. I
wasn't thin enough. I wasn't this enough. I wasn't toned
enough. And of course now I would kill to be the size I was
when I was 22. But anyway, you're young. Your body isn't
the best it is it is valuable. So please don't take it for
granted. It's the same thing like with the money, right?
invest in you, you're saving money right to invest in you and
invest in your future. Take the time to take care of your body.
Right drink lots of water, do all the things that you hear
people telling you to do. It all works. Where the sunscreen drink
water, eat well get the vegetables in, make those
changes. You don't have to be a size two. It's not about being
super skinny. Don't criticize yourself so harshly. Taking care
of your body is not beating it up. Not talking to it to it
mainly it's about loving it, nurturing it and doing what you
what feels right and good to you. Love your body. Okay,
finally, number seven is caring less about what other people
think of you. So we've wasted so much time worrying about Other
people's judgment, we waste so much time, just getting bogged
down and other people's stuff. And the thing is this, for the
most part, people don't really, you know, they don't care as
much about you as they, you think they do, right? We're
walking down the street, we're doing our thing. We're all
paying attention to ourselves, we're pretty self involved. And
so keep that in mind every single time you think about or
worry, like, Oh, my God, I'm judging me. What do they think
of me? Oh, I want you to remind yourself, you know what, they
don't care that much about me. They really don't. Whoever I am,
I'm a blip. So I'm just going to keep on moving along. I'm going
to wear what I want to wear be when I want to be, it doesn't
really matter. All right. So that's the seven. If you enjoyed
this video, there are two other videos that I think you would
really benefit from watching on my channel. The first one is
build confidence and interest at work. And the second one is how
to set boundaries and stop people pleasing. Both of these
will be very helpful for you. And it talks a bit about what
we've talked about today. All right. If you liked this video,
give it a thumbs up and please share it with family and friends
or anyone who you think would enjoy it. If you enjoyed these
seven things that I talked about or feel like you have one that
you want to contribute, or you have any great ideas yourself,
please write a comment below. I would love to hear from you and
tell me what you you any regrets that you have or anything that
you think might come up in the future. All right. That's it for
this week. I'll see you next week. Bye bye.