...so I had a hard time dating with Japanese guys because...
then okay there's something going on...
Hey guys and girls on Ask Japanese greetings from Tokyo this is Cathycat but today we're gonna have a special guest
today we're gonna talk about Japanese boys now you remember we've done a lot of videos
where we talk about how they are what they do what they like what they don't like
and we got a special guest to help us out and find out more about this topic
Ta-da! Asagi from "Asagi's life" go ahead introduce yourself. - Konnichiwa.
I'm Asagi from Asagi's life I make videos about Japanese culture Japanese reaction videos and
I'm almost also a dancer so please check my channel if you are interested - Yes!
and today's topic is gonna be: we're gonna talk about Japanese boys what they are we're gonna try and figure out
Japanese boys together so let's have some fun. Yoroshiku!
Let's go!
Now, a lot of our viewers are from the west and generally what people want to know is like
comparing foreigners and Japanese boys what are the biggest differences? And one thing that
in the interviews when we were interviewing people in the streets many people said
Japanese boys do not do "ladies first" true or false?
False. - False?
In your experience there are actually Japanese boys who do ladies first?
I think they do, especially people nowadays, I think they are learning more how to treat ladies so yeah
I think it's improving
Oh we have some change coming in recent years. This is good so what is like the kind of ladies first thing
that Japanese boys or your boyfriends would do for you?
I think the biggest difference is mostly they
pay for dinner or lunch... our dates in general so... I don't mind paying but who is not happy if
someone is paying for you so yeah I think that's our biggest um thing they do as "ladies first"
I think... I heard that's been from from the old days the idea is like "the man just pay for the
woman's meal" kind of thing so that still exists kind of? - Yeah.
What about opening doors, walking on the side of the street, letting you enter the elevator first? What about that?
More people are learning things like that so guys who are more aware of how western guys do or
how to do "ladies first" I think
they still do that one... if the guy is a little bit not used to dating with girls maybe they don't
When did you say "Ah he knows what to do" and when like "I wish he'd do" that like did you
have like a good and a bad experience with that with like "ladies first" kind of mannerism?
I have some kind of experiences ...when we enter elevator they just go first and they leave first
and they shut the door and I was like AAAAH in the doors
That kind of situation... that happens and you know it feels a little bit awkward yeah
I think many guys actually opened the door for me even they are Japanese so
Oh positive changes, good experiences wonderful okay
So that's like the "ladies first" that you experienced in Japan so comparing that to westerners
Can you see a difference?
Western guys definitely are more good at taking care of ladies like opening the door for me
carrying heavy stuff from like my big bags or shopping bags kind of things that that happens
It seems like um the director was saying it sounds like Japanese boys are
"more mentally trying to do ladies first" while westerners try to physically help with their body strength
help out more ...what do you think of that?
Actually that sounds like true... Japanese guys have more mentality that if you
are a guy you have to take care of ladies like
That's kind of responsible that responsibility
You mean like by paying for the meals, stuff like that? - Yeah.
Next topic is that many say "it's really hard to read a Japanese boy's facial expressions"
it's hard to tell when they lie, when they hide a certain emotion, from you what do you think
about that is that is that a problem, because sometimes we heard some girls in our
interviews say "We don't know what they're thinking"
Yes I think Japanese boys are less expressive ...
so I had a hard time dating with Japanese guys because they expect me to
read their mind ......
Like "I am angry about that" and but he doesn't really tell me but
You had to kind of mind read?
Yeah - So he's angry but he won't tell you he's angry
so and then he gets angry at you for not realizing that he's angry
Yes exactly - Oh man...
how do they show you in the end that they were angry and they wanted you to realize that they're angry
how do they show that?
They're quiet.
But they're generally quiet too!!!
So so you have to ask "Hey what's wrong with you? Did I do something wrong?" or
things like that then they're gonna talk I mean
maybe you have to ask him like twice or three times but he's gonna tell he's gonna tell if you ask
I don't wanna be rude to anyone right now but hearing this that sounds the same to me what
western boys say about western girls... they kind of like "she was angry at me and I didn't know she
was angry so I had to ask her what she was angry about"
it seems to be a cultural thing that some people just keep certain facts in
and they need to get asked about that
Ooooh how did how did you resolve those issues? How did you resolve that?
Just like asking questions?
I thought that was the only way because they don't really express
otherwise they are just quiet and you know even when I ask like happy stuff like
"Hey don't you think this dog is cute?" or something like that he's like
Then okay there's something going on... let's talk kind of situation so
Is it hard to talk with Japanese boys? Because I heard they hold a lot of their emotions in
so is it hard to talk with them or is it actually once you start asking the right question easier?
I mean in the end you have to talk right? But Japanese people tend to avoid the conflict or argument - Yeah
So yeah you need some try ... not just ask once but maybe twice, three times or...
Okay ...what makes me really curious now because I know you've dated Japanese boys and you've dated western boys
the reasons for fighting were they different? Do western boys deal with it differently when they're
angry than, Japanese boys?
Yeah they are very direct and they try to solve like right now like
"Asagi talk to me right now what is going on what are you thinking"
I'm like um.... - It seems like the rules are reversed now!
It seems like you're the one who didn't talk in that situation and kept it in a little bit longer right?
Sometimes i'm not just ready to talk about it and just need time and if I just tell them like I need a time...
just leave me alone for a second...
They would understand but you know some people are very aggressive aggressive to talk you know
and solve the situation... yeah sometimes that's intimidating for me but yeah
I think i'm in the middle, like not completely Japanese but not completely western-minded so
Yeah, right in the middle. - I understand both
You understand both worlds but personally is it easier for you to deal with the western boy when he's angry
or a Japanese boy when he's angry?
Probably western - Why is that so?
Yeah it's more simple, just ... if we talk they try to understand you ...
if I just don't feel like I want to talk right now I can just tell them
it's Japanese guys who are not open to talk
it's a little bit harder for me... I can't really tell what people thinking without talking so
The mind reading can become quite difficult .... then in the end? - Yeah.
So in Japan there is “honne” and “tatemae” right there's the real feelings and the feelings that are for show
like you know "oh no i'm fine" the same thing when you when you ask someone how are you "i'm fine"
and they're really not fine
How do you get Japanese boys to open up and show you their honest, their true feelings?
- I want to ask .... - .... the same question!!?
How???? - It's difficult?
Yeah I was the one who was like... I believed their "tatemae" and didn't think about "honne"
so yeah I felt I felt really dumb if I think back then...
So they were hiding their feelings so much and you couldn't quite open that facade and go like
this is how you really feel it was hard?
It was really hard even for me ... Japanese so I think keep keep try to
have discussion... or keep talking that I think that's the only way... what else what else do we have?
Compared to western boys that must have been ...how was that then? Is there "honne" and "Tatemae"
for western boys with the ones that you were seeing?
At least American guys are more direct
I don't know but maybe how British people have their sarcasm things like that... sometimes it's
tricky, but people in the us are more simple...
What's tricky what's tricky? The jokes or ?
Jokes are very tricky that it's hard for me to understand ...
They genuinely tell you straight away... alright
Okay good
Oh because they open up and they don't hide their feelings
There are many BAD things - oooh
What is like a compliment that Japanese boys like?
Compliments?
What advice would you give to western girls who want to have a Japanese boyfriend?
Be patient
you