THERE IS SOME DISTURBING NEWS FROM CHINA, AND IT'S NOT JUST
THAT THEY STILL ENJOY THE "TRANSFORMER" MOVIES.
IF YOU THOUGHT THE WAY FACEBOOK TRACKS YOU WAS SCARY, IT'S GOT
NOTHING ON THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT, WHICH JUST UNVEILED
A SYSTEM OF MONITORING AND GRADING EVERY CITIZEN'S
BEHAVIOR.
IN ONE CITY, IT ASSIGNED 1,000 POINTS TO EACH OF THE 740,000
RESIDENTS.
GET A TRAFFIC TICKET; YOU LOSE FIVE POINTS.
EARN A CITY-LEVEL AWARD, SUCH AS FOR COMMITTING A HEROIC ACT, AND
YOUR SCORE GETS BOOSTED BY 30 POINTS.
THAT'S JUST GOING TO MAKE PEOPLE TO SET UP THEIR OWN HEROIC ACTS.
( LAUGHTER ) "OH, NO!
THAT NURSING HOME IS ON FIRE!
I'LL SAVE THEM.
HERE, HOLD MY GASOLINE AND MATCHES."
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
AND -- AND -- AND IT IS REALLY EASY TO GET
DOCKED POINTS IN THIS SYSTEM.
>> CHINA'S VERSION FACTORS IN EVERYTHING FROM JAYWALKING, TO
SMOKING ON TRAINS, TO BUYING TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES.
>> STEPHEN: JAYWALKING?
SMOKING?
TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES?
THIS IS NOT GOOD NEWS FOR THE COOLEST KID IN SEVENTH GRADE.
( LAUGHTER ) EVEN THOUGH CHINA HAS OVER A
BILLION PEOPLE, THEY'VE GOT A TERRIFYING WAY OF ENFORCING
THIS.
>> CHINA'S GROWING NETWORK OF SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS MAKES ALL
OF THIS POSSIBLE.
THE GOVERNMENT IS EVEN TRACKING JAYWALKERS.
CAMERAS RECORD THEM GOING THROUGH INTERSECTIONS, ZERO IN
ON THEIR FACE AND PUBLICLY SHAME THEM ON NEARBY VIDEO SCREENS.
YES, PUTTING YOUR FACE ON A SCREEN.
THE SAME WAY AMUSEMENT PARKS PUBLICLY SHAME YOU FOR CRYING ON
THE LOG FLUME.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
HERE'S HOW THEY TRACK YOU.
>> POLICE IN BEIJING HAVE BEEN WEARING THESE GLASSES THAT CAN
RECOGNIZE FACES LINKED TO THE GOVERNMENT'S NATIONAL DATABASE
TO HELP BOOST ARRESTS.
>> STEPHEN: FIRST, THAT IS HORRIFYING THAT SOMEONE HAS
FINALLY FOUND A USE FOR GOOGLE GLASS.
( LAUGHTER ) SECOND, FACIAL RECOGNITION IS
LITERALLY WHAT THE TERMINATOR DOES.
"SARAH CONNER.
I NOTICED YOU HAVE A LOT OF UNPAID PARKING TICKETS."
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING.
UNPAID PARKING TICKETS.
BUT THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT INSISTS IT HAS A GREAT REASON
FOR DOING THIS.
>> THE GOVERNMENT HERE SAYS IT IS TRYING TO PURIFY SOCIETY.
>> STEPHEN: HOLD UP, CHINA.
THE PHRASE "PURIFY SOCIETY" IS A HUGE RED FLAG.
YOURS.
BUT I INTERRUPTED-- YOU WERE USHERING IN A DYSTOPIA?
>> THE GOVERNMENT HERE SAYS IT IS TRYING TO PURIFY SOCIETY BY
REWARDING THOSE WHO ARE TRUSTWORTHY AND PUNISHING THOSE
WHO ARE NOT.
>> STEPHEN: CHINA, IF YOU WANT TO PURIFY SOMETHING, MAYBE START
WITH YOUR SKY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
WELL, I CANNOT LET THIS STAND.
SO I WANT TO ADDRESS MY CHINESE AUDIENCE FOR A SECOND.
GOOD PEOPLE OF CHINA, "NI HAO.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS OPPRESSIVE SYSTEM OF
DRACONIAN GOVERNMENT CONTROL LEADS DOWN A DARK PATH TO-- OH,
WAIT.
IS CHINA SCORING THIS?
WELL, DARN IT, I DON'T CARE.
THIS NEEDS TO BE SAID.
NO MATTER WHAT -- OKAY, HOLD ON.
STOP.
I DO LOVE SOME THINGS ABOUT CHINA.
YOU HAVE A RICH HISTORY AND CULTURE.
OH, GOOD.
OKAY.
WHAT ELSE?
UH-- I ENJOYED "KUNG-FU PANDA"!
NO, WAIT!
LOOK!
ONE OF MY WRITERS IS CHINESE!
JAMES, GET UP HERE!
CHINESE!
>> ACTUALLY STEPHEN, I'M TAIWANESE.
(BUZZER) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: DAMMIT, JAMES!
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE ONE CHINA POLICY HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW"!
NOW I'M GOING TO GET PURIFIED.
BACK IN THE WRITER'S HOLE!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JIM PARSONS.