so Jordan I know Cortona is like your
favorite town right in Italy so I
arranged a special treat for you
people of Cortona I wish to thank you on
behalf of myself and my fake Italian
friend from Long Island now the mayor of
Cortona please Bongiorno a benvenuti
chief emotionally in fact the Hui
oppressor tuto Lobby let's edit other
than ahsoka moon I would like to move on
to the great honor that Jordan is going
to be given a parking space made in his
honor
[Applause]
[Music]
Charlie please
Charleston New York okay
[Music]
we're going to your favorite restaurant
is that right yes we came here because
Jordan pretty much explicitly said he's
a big deal in this restaurant I'm not
concerned with being a big deal I'm
concerned with having a good meal it's
not all about rank you had this
insecurity about you you project onto
others I don't care if I'm a big deal a
little deal a medium deal a neutral deal
I just want to go eat a good meal I know
how many I have to know you need a meal
here how many people do you know
are you one cocaine this is no Nazi yes
we have heard that Jordan is a big deal
here your pictures up on the wall yeah
with an honor America that deal out baby
candy no matter B Kennedy Bordeaux why
don't you change the wine glasses listen
just listen to me this is my place this
is my experience that I'm sharing with
you okay you may love it you may hate it
but at least you'll know you experienced
it my way
I really don't this is glasses not
balanced in hand I just think it's like
top-heavy you're scaring me this line is
from a few kilometers from where we sit
right now just say miles
in the same way warmth gives people
comfort sometimes the chill of the
forest gives people comfort and I feel
like the smell of this line gives me the
same feeling what do you smell
sit there with the judging face without
commenting yourself there's no
desperation a smell a need to construct
a false identity Tuscany as I've
mentioned is a region of meat and the
meat of this region in particular is the
tally otta
names tally arias to cut Italia is cut
it's a slice state of a pasta cold or
kettle primo
which has bacon in it which I know you
like you're big on bacon it's got bacon
it's in looks like creamy tomato sauce
hot so cafe is the coffee killer why
coffee keeps you up late at night the a
matzo cafe that after dinner drink puts
you to sleep after the coffee I think
I'm gonna sleep just fine music and soul
of an Italian person when I'm here I
just don't have the words do you don't I
mean you're clearly not Italian I mean
look at you you know look at the way
you're dressed look at your physical
condition I mean there are I mean I
think there are different body types
there's a new man I'm heavy I think
you're heavier than the average Italian
let's just say heavier not that that's a
bad thing
maybe you're stronger maybe it'll keep
you warm but I'm saying you're
then then an Italian body shamed me you
would have thought that your body is
perfect I'm not here to insult you I'm
not gonna be a pretty good gin hi
I got an insult to chew at all okay you
look at yourself naked I look at myself
naked every night anyway I can from all
actually become a rack you're
comfortable your nurse and I said this
is not a bad thing you're better than I
am because I'm lean and I had a big
problem with the coldness but I'm okay
cuz I'm covered in a down jacket of fat
you all your facial lifts over the years
2002 you're gross if I look at his show
from 2002 it's almost like it looks like
you were digitally manipulated skinny
guy playing a fat guy in the movie and
they were disgusting bet effect ugh
[Applause]
the reasons we came to Italy as you said
there's a desert named after you I look
at this menu no desert named after you
what's the deserts name Dulce view
Jordan but I don't see it here on the
menu special in summer can this be the
cone in salt this is the salt of Kona
Sal they call it doesn't even know that
you are Conan he does not know who you
are she doesn't know if you understand
new painters
[Music]
[Applause]
you