Hello!
Seiiti Arata.
Once upon a time, there were two monks who were preparing to cross a river.
Suddenly, a woman approached them.
These monks had sworn an oath that they would never touch a woman's body.
But the woman wanted to cross the river without getting wet, and she asked the monks for help.
First, she asked the youngest monk for help.
He looked away and crossed the river alone.
Afterwards, she asked the older monk for help.
He put the woman on his shoulders and crossed the river carrying the woman.
When he saw the scene, the younger monk was outraged.
The woman left, and the two monks walked on for hours.
The younger one spent the time frowning, while the eldest had the same expression of lightness
and serenity that he had before.
When they reached their destination, the younger monk voiced his bitterness aloud, saying,
“You know monks shouldn't touch women!
Why did you carry that woman across the river?”
The older monk replied serenely, saying, “At that time, it was more important to help another
person without judgment than it was to not touch a woman.
But I let go of that woman over three hours ago, down by the river.
Why do you keep carrying her?”
What did you think of this metaphor?
What does it teach you about being a bitter person?
Keep this story with you because it will soon be useful for us to assess how you deal with
your emotional well-being.
Carrying bitterness longer than necessary makes you unhappy.
We like to think that if we do the right things, we will be rewarded with good things.
And we like to think that people who do wrong things will get the punishment they deserve.
But life doesn't work like that.
There is no court that rewards good actions and condemns bad actions when they occur.
Deep down, we know that life is not fair.
Still, we are bitter when we suffer injustice.
For example, when we complete a difficult job and only see the boss being congratulated.
When we give our best, but fail to meet a goal.
When we treat a person well and are mistreated by them.
Whenever this happens, our instinct is to frown or even get angry.
Sometimes, the anger lasts only a little while.
In other cases, we carry that bitterness for days, months, or years.
But think about it… this bitterness only harms one person: yourself.
It is you who is stuck in the past.
You're the one who suffers from it.
Remember the metaphor of the monks and the river.
Similar to the story, you are the one who continues to "carry the woman", while everyone
else has already left the woman on the bank of the river.
They move on with life, without that additional weight on their backs.
It is normal to be upset when an injustice happens.
Don't fight that feeling.
But learn to let go of bitterness fast.
Here's a practical tip: focus your mind on the present moment.
When you focus your attention on the present moment, you free your mind from the bitterness
of the past.
Your happiness is influenced by the focus of your mind.
If your mind is stuck on a bad event from the past, it keeps mulling over that bad feeling.
Ultimately, this lowers your level of happiness.
On the other hand, if your mind is focused on the present, chances are it won't encounter
suffering.
The suffering created by our head comes when we keep wishing that the past were different
or that the future will be a specific way.
When the mind is focused on the present moment, that kind of suffering disappears.
And the bitterness also goes away.
It sounds easy when we say it like that.
But anyone who has tried to focus on a single thing knows how difficult it is.
We get off to a good start, trying to stay focused.
But soon the mind goes back to the past, brooding over the bad feelings again.
When you realize this has happened, don't be frustrated.
Frustration at not staying focused only adds to the bad feelings.
Simply breathe, and bring your mind back to the present, focusing on what you are doing
with mindfulness.
Breathing is always a good anchor to bring your mind to the present.
Simply pay attention to the air moving in and out through your nostrils.
As you focus on the breath, disconnect from what happened days, months, or years ago.
And bring your thoughts to what you are doing right now.
Let go of bitterness.
Forgive what happened in the past to free your mind.
The big problem with bitterness is that your mind gets stuck in the past.
Your mind stays there, mulling over what happened, judging facts and people, and wishing things
had happened differently.
As long as your mind is stuck in the past, you will keep suffering.
And it's likely that you're brooding by yourself.
Everyone else involved has gone on with their lives and, perhaps, with their own bitterness.
The best thing you can do for your happiness is to let go of that bitterness.
Forgive what happened in the past.
Remember that life is not fair.
There is nothing you can do to change what has already happened.
Even if you don't want to forgive PEOPLE who have done an injustice, make the effort to
forget about the unfair SITUATION, and start moving on.
A practical tip to know if you have successfully freed yourself from the past is to see how
many times your mind goes back there.
If you recount the conversations in your head, reliving the events, you still haven't put
the past behind you.
If this is a very traumatic event, see a mental health professional.
A good therapist can make a world of difference in cases of abuse.
But, in most cases, our mind is mulling over small events, such as a lack of recognition
at work, a lack of appreciation from a friend, jealousy from a partner, or some misunderstandings
from daily life.
When these little episodes take over your mind and accumulate, you can become a bitter
person.
It doesn't change the past, nor does it punish people who hurt you.
Bitterness only hurts yourself.
You don't have to carry the weight of something that happened in the past on your shoulders.
Carrying bitterness for a long time only hurts you and damages your level of happiness.
The best way to not be bitter is to focus your mind on the present moment.
Stop wanting the past to be different.
Learn to forgive, let go, and get on with life, even when you feel life is unfair.
By doing this, you can greatly increase your happiness level.
Especially, if you combine this kind of present focus with other techniques proven by positive
psychology.
For those who want to be a less bitter, happier person, I invite you to attend a special class
in the Happiness course.
You can go to https://arata.se/happiness for more details.