hi
thank you thank you thank you someone
once told me the definition of Hell on
my last day on earth the person I became
will meet the person I could have become
let that sink in when I first heard that
quote it made me cry and lit a fire
under my ass simultaneously why is there
such distance between who we are right
now and who we daydream about being what
stops us from really showing up to
actualize all of the things that we say
we want the truth
fear fear is the underpinning of every
block every human has everywhere and
everything we've been taught about fear
and how to mitigate it is a lie
we're influenced to think that
fearlessness is a thing we're taught to
resist it
push through overcome which only makes
the fear stronger and louder and keeps
us stuck small and far from the future
we want to experience until now fear is
biological it's part of our human aswhat
kept us from getting eaten by
saber-toothed Tigers so we could
continue to procreate and I'll be here
together at Barry University listening
to this life-changing TEDx without fear
it could have meant the end of mankind
and even though it's 2020 and we've
evolved incredibly the part of our mind
that houses our fear response hasn't
changed at all the fear that was
intended to keep us alive is now keeping
us from using our voices setting
boundaries taking action feeling our
feelings and going after our big
beautiful dreams fear of rejection fear
of failure fear of success fear of the
unknown fear of what people will think
fear of not being enough our mind has
one
singular job and that survival anything
unfamiliar your mind registers as a
potential threat then triggers fear in
an effort to keep you alive not to make
sure you thrive just to keep you alive
and as a result it does everything in
its power to keep you the same in what's
safe and familiar as soon as you even
think about going after that big
promotion unapologetically expressing
yourself building that business speaking
on a stage your mind immediately scans
through memories and reference points
and when it doesn't find evidence of
familiarity it gets you to sit back down
and do nothing your mind wins and you
lose having a mind that's wired for
survival and hates the unfamiliar is
what we're up against the thing is
everything you want lives outside your
comfort zone in the unfamiliar growth
and comfort are not friends the truth is
the more uncomfortable we are the more
we're changing we get to realize that
fear is an indication of our growth and
expansion fear affirms that you're going
for it and showing up you are never
eradicating your fear that is not a
thing what we're doing here is shifting
our relationship with fear changing the
dynamic and when we do that you get to
use it as fuel to reach your highest
levels of joy success and potential the
first choice we get to make and shifting
that relationship may surprise you given
you're doing it right now and all the
time breathing the choice to breathe on
purpose when we're feeling fear our
breathing gets more shallow and erratic
and oftentimes we hold our breath
completely all of which keeps our mind
stressed or bodies tight and our fear
response ignited when we breathe on
purpose we change the rate depth and
pattern of how we
breathe we slow down we interrupt our
nervous system and start to soothe our
fear response creating safety for our
mind and body why safety because when
our fear response is ignited our
sympathetic nervous system is activated
we're in fight-or-flight by breathing on
purpose we regulate our nervous system
back to a parasympathetic state allowing
us to become aware make new choices and
change let's all drop into a safe space
and breathe on purpose right now I
invite you all to close your eyes taking
a deep breath in through your nose for a
count of two one two hold your breath
for four one two three four and exhale
slowly through your nose four four one
two three four again in through your
nose one two hold that breath one two
three four and slowly exhale through
your nose one two three four you can
open your eyes and come back now feels
so calm doesn't it from this calm and
aware space we get to make a new choice
to love our fear yes I said love
choosing to love your fear instantly
diffuses it I want you to bring to mind
something that you're avoiding hiding
from or hesitating on because of fear do
you have it okay now I want you to
imagine that the fear that's been
stopping you is sitting across from you
in opposition to you now put your arms
out and I want you to lift the fear up
like you're taking a baby out of a high
chair and bring it over to
words you can hold it or even put it on
your lap and now talk to it with love
like this hey little buddy
I know you're here because you think I'm
gonna die but I'm not I promise I'm just
creating a future I love and deserve so
thanks for showing up to protect me
but I don't need protecting from this
I'm safe it is so powerful and so
liberating shifting our relationship
with fear also requires not believing
everything you think the self-doubt and
disempowering thoughts are all being
brought to you by fear what your mind
says is fear-based
your fear response is feeding you
thoughts insecurities and doubts in an
effort to get you to stop and sit back
down it sounds like this success is not
for me who do I think I am I'm not
enough what if I fail what if they don't
like me all of that is your fear talk
track the life-changing news is your
thoughts are options not facts and the
part of you your future self that is the
vision needs to learn how to think on
purpose sounds like this I was made for
success when I fail I learn what people
think of me it's none of my business I
am enough I can do anything you are not
your mind you are the being that has a
mind you are the director of your mind
you get to choose your thoughts to shift
how you feel to create what you want to
create and support yourself and becoming
who you want to be
it was 2016 during the early stages of
my growth in business where fear was
popping up at every moment of every day
I was out on a run when a message hit me
with more clarity than I had ever felt
it was a whisper that said it's time to
break up it's not you it's me
I ran in my front door flew open my
laptop and outpoured the most emotional
transformational piece I have ever
written
dear fear it's not you it's me
dear fear it's not you it's me no really
it's me we've had an interesting run and
ultimately it's not gonna work
our dynamic sucks it's time for me to
take responsibility and take my power
back I've let you lead and control this
relationship long enough and it's not
healthy for me it's getting in the way
of my potential in life not to mention
it's not fair to you I don't want to
hate you and wish you weren't around
it's a total waste of energy and yes I
know what you're thinking you're just
trying to protect me you just want me to
be safe and I appreciate that truly the
thing is I want a hell of a lot more
than that I want deep happiness I want
to thrive I want to grow I want to
create a business and legacy that
impacts millions I want to speak on huge
stages I want to be a best-selling
author I want to say no and not feel
like crap about it I want to put myself
out there and not care what people think
I want to say yes and figure it out
later
I want to seek discomfort because I know
the next levels of my awesomeness lie on
the other side and that's just the
beginning so I'm changing the dynamic
and redefining the terms of our
relationship and no it's not negotiable
and I'm not interested in your opinion
you've led long enough and we've seen
where that's gotten us when you show up
I will acknowledge you and appreciate
you but I'm running the show I know you
have good intentions but ultimately zero
idea what I want or what matters to me
you need to embrace that I'm seeking the
unknown because it's not changing
anytime soon and the bottom line is I am
more powerful than you I also want to
say thank you thank you for always
showing up every time you thought
something was wrong but please know this
nothing's wrong in fact everything is so
incredibly right love powerful me so now
I invite all of you to write your own
dear fear letter and shift your
relationship with fear finally and
forever and when you do you reclaim your
power you trust yourself you direct your
mind and choose your thoughts you show
up and take action so when it's your
last day on earth the person you became
is exactly who you want it to become
thank you
you