Hey there, you want to know
By the end of this video, you're gonna know, why they do, and
what to do about it when they do.
I am Rebecca Zung and I am an attorney.
I'm an author and I am a narcissist negotiation expert
so, if you want, real tips and tricks that actually work, on how to manage, deal with, and
negotiate with that narcissist in your life
or any narcissist,
then go ahead and hit subscribe, and hit that notification bell, and
that way you'll get notified when I upload new videos.
All right, so, let's talk about why those narcissists come back.
Well, to understand that you first have to understand why they do anything that they do;
Okay? So narcissists are actually,
the most insecure people on the planet.
For sure, they have no sense of self. They have no inner sense of self.
It's a very scarcity mentality.
If I give anything up, then I cease to exist, I'm shattered.
They're very, it's a very precarious situation on what's going on there and
I often liken it to the chocolate Easter bunnies that you get that are hollow inside.
They look pretty on the outside
but there's nothing going on on the inside.
And on top of that, you know how those hollow Easter bunnies are very fragile.
Like, you just poke them a little bit and they break, that's kind of how it is with narcissists,
which is why they're very easily slighted, why they hear tones in your voice, like dogs hear whistles.
They think you're being sarcastic or somebody; there's no tone whatsoever but they hear a tone and
that's why they're very easily slighted
because they have a very fragile sense of self.
So, they have to derive, all of their value from the external world, in the form of compliments
and adulation and people doing things for them and feeling that value from the outside all the time,
and if they're not going to get it from you, in the form of good things like that,
then they're going to make sure they get it from you in other ways as well,
which is devaluing you, debasing you, treating you poorly, intimidating you,
projecting, deflecting, manipulation, constant lying, all that sort of thing,
and in a litigation matter,
whether it's a divorce or whatever, it's even worse.
Because, once you are no longer for them,
they for sure think you're just against them
and now you become public enemy number one,
they want to make sure that they take you down
before you have a chance to say anything about that.
So, that's what's going on and it's all because of narcissistic supply,
they are a 100% driven by narcissistic supply and
if you want to know more about that, definitely check out my video on that topic,
but that's what's really going on.
They'll take it in any form that they can get it.
They want to make sure they continue to get supply from as many sources as they possibly can.
And so, even if they're on to a new form of supply, or what they perceive is maybe even a better form,
somebody who's better looking, more prestigious, has more to offer, is more high-profile.
It has more reach, more impact…
Whatever reason it is, that they may be onto this new form of supply.
They don't want to let go of the supply that they have in you as well.
They really want to get as much, have as much supply as they possibly can.
It's like a vulture that is trying to pick the little bits left of a carcass,
but they see another good one over there,
and they want to have that one too,
but they definitely don't want to let go of this one over here.
They want to have, to suck as much blood out of everything as they as they can.
So, I mean, they’re supply whores and in a way it's their oxygen,
it's their lifeblood, it's their food.
If they're not going to get it from you,
then they're going to slither down the road
and look for it somewhere else because they have to, they’re predators in that sense.
So, why do they come back? Well, because they want supply, and
if there’s still supply to be had, they'll be back.
So, sometimes they start off with the hoover.
Just, you know you haven't spoken to them
in two years or something, and now all of the sudden
you get that little ping in your DM or whatever saying “Hey, how you doing?”
They're testing the waters.
So that's the first reason to hoover, to test the waters to see
if there's something there to,
some supply to be had, can they get you back into their web?
Is there a way to start getting supply out of you again?
So that's the first reason.
The second reason is, to assert control over you again
to let you know, they haven't forgotten you.
They're still watching.
Don't think that you just were able to move on.
So, to taunt you, to haunt you, to taunt and haunt.
I just made that up, you know, to assert,
that control over you and let you know that they haven't forgotten.
So, that goes into my next one.
Which is to taunt you, to upset you, to get a rise out of you
because they get off on that stuff.
I have a whole video, by the way, on why narcissists try to provoke you.
So definitely check that out.
But that's, something else that they do, they want to taunt you.
They want to provoke you.
And by the way, if you’ve seen any of these,
give me a “totally” in the comments below that you've totally seen this.
I know you have, I know you have.
So, I should see a lot of “totally" below, because I know we've all seen this.
You think you might have escaped and you might be finally at,
and then, they are back again. Trying to like be in your face again.
So, they want to taunt you and upset you.
Now, the last reason that they come back is to punish you,
to let you know, how dare you try to move on?
How dare you say goodbye to me?
Just to punish you, for leaving them, for walking away.
So, here's what I want you to do about it,
I want you to do nothing.
I want you to see it as if it's a stranger, “who the hell is that?”
Like beads off a duck's back, like water off a duck's back?
You know how that just like kind of flicks off?
That's what I want you to do.
If you have managed to finally, walk away, and
be free of this crazy person in your life.
Don't look back, don't take the bait.
They haven't changed, it's not going to be any better.
You know, like with people who are alcoholics,
like, if they just take one drink,
they're right back to wherever it was that they were when they left off from drinking?
It's the same thing, you'll be right back where you were within a minute.
So, just continue to have them wiped from the CPU of your life.
Like as if they never existed.
That's the best thing,
if you can almost even like forget their name even better, and ignore.
Ignore the taunt and the haunt.
I'm going to remember that. I'm going to use that again.
Anyway, if you are negotiating with a narcissist,
make sure to grab my free crush negotiation prep worksheet
at https://www.rebeccazung.com/worksheet
and come join my free private Facebook group
which is “Narcissists negotiators” with Rebecca Zung.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me that comment, tell me “totally”
or tell me why you think they've come back and what you've seen.
If you haven't subscribed to my channel, now is a good time to do that.
Subscribe and hit that notification bell.
Remember, today is a great day
to start negotiating your best life wherever you are now.
That's the jumping off point. It's never too late.
You only fail, if you stop trying.
I will see you in the next video!