For those of you that never thought Australia was cold, after more than 500 videos,
I now have to do my first ever one in a fricking jacket. It is freezing here today.
We're in some Arctic Australian weather, and I'm here to talk about the
top 10 green flags to look for in a man. Alright, so much negativity in the
dating relationships niche. So I thought I'd do this video on the top 10 things
you want to be looking out for, to know you are with a great guy.
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videos, all the videos on the channel and check out my book.
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[Music playing]
Top 10 green flags to know you are dating a great guy.
Number one, he loves your "No."
So one of the things that really defines a great relationship is boundaries, right?
And one of the best ways to examine a boundary is how does a partner
respond to you when you say no.
If you think about your pet dog or your pet cat, you know, when they don't
eat or when they don't want pets, just cause they're annoying,
it doesn't mean you love them any less, right? You love that animal,
whether it gives you a yes or a no, and it should be exactly the same
for your partner, as it relates to you.
When you can tell your partner "No," when you can say,
"Hey, I'm drawing a line in the sand. This is where I end.
I don't want to do this. Maybe I don't want to go out.
I don't want to join you on this thing."
Whatever it is you're saying no to, he might be annoyed.
We all get annoyed sometimes, and we might not like it, but there is
no less love for you when you give the guy a no.
He unconditionally loves and accepts you whether you say yes
or whether you say no.
Number two, he can handle and even initiate difficult conversations.
So one of the marks of a great relationship and a great guy
is not necessarily the good times, but it's how things go
when the relationship is not so good, when there's stressors,
when there's tough conversations that need to come up.
And one of the great green flags you want to be looking for in a man is
that he doesn't run from these conversations, right?
When he can have these conversations with you, when he can sit down
and not just be there for the good times, when he can be with you and say,
"Hey, we need to have this difficult conversation."
Even initiating it himself, whether it's about sex, whether it's about money,
whether it's about a topic you guys disagree on, whatever it is,
if he can have and initiate that difficult conversation with you, that is a
major green flag that that's a fantastic guy.
Number three, he can handle feedback. And this applies to both of you.
But if you've got a guy that can really take on feedback,
that when it's not so pleasant, or when he's doing something wrong or
when he's hurt you, he can hear that, listen to that, accept that he's not perfect,
that's a big green flag.
And a really awesome thing to have in someone. In the end, relationships
are about working together as a team and even compromising on some things,
so that you can both find win-wins in the situation. And that means you're
going to have to take feedback from your partner.
So if you've got a man that can handle your feedback, you deliver it correctly,
and he receives it in a healthy way, that is a major green flag
this is a wonderful guy.
Number four, he expresses healthy sadness or vulnerability.
So one of the problems that a lot of guys
have is we're taught, we're growing up, basically, demonstrated that we
shouldn't be sad, that sadness or insecurity, that these emotions are weak
- they should be suppressed or shut down. And we end up demonstrating anger or
trying to hide it with other antisocial or even narcissistic behavior.
So you know that if a guy's demonstrating these other types of behaviors,
he's most likely suppressing sadness, which means if you see the opposite,
if you see him showing sadness, if you can see when he's vulnerable, if he can speak
about when he's feeling insecure, he can demonstrate sadness,
that's a major green flag, right? Because you're not going to have those antisocial
anti-relationship behaviors from him. Instead, you're going to get healthy
sadness and healthy vulnerability.
And the fact he's willing to share those parts with you, demonstrates that
he can go through those emotions, process them, handle them and be a
great partner for you because of that.
Number five is that he trusts you. Now, we all know that trust is
such a big and important part of any empowering relationship.
When a guy really trusts you, what that means is that he also trusts himself.
He trusts himself to know the situation, he trusts himself to be okay.
And he trusts you as an equal partner. This is a big green flag
because you're not going to get any of those things like checking your phone,
asking where you've been, controlling who you see, he's just going to trust you.
And that is such a wonderful thing to find in a man. So if you find a guy that trusts
you, then you have a big green flag in that guy.
Number six is that he takes responsibility. This is a wonderful green flag to look for
because it means that he's going to own what's in his yard, and he's also going
to have responsibility to the relationship. So when you've got a guy that takes
responsibility, he's going to take responsibility for his own feelings,
for his own actions. He is going to take responsibility for his own thoughts.
And when he does step out of integrity, you're going to be able to call him out
on that, and he'll be able to take responsibility for what he's done.
Taking responsibility ultimately means you're not just there taking responsibility
for the good things that you've done, but you're there taking responsibility
when you make mistakes. And when you've done something silly,
when things aren't going so well, when you have been selfish, a guy that
takes responsibility is going to want to work on the relationship with you.
He's going to want to be there for you when you're struggling, and he's
ultimately going to own his side of things. And what that ultimately means is
he's going to be a fantastic partner for you.
Number seven is he gives you space. So space is a healthy need in relationships,
and space also relates to trust that we were talking about earlier.
Space is something that from the age of one and a half, two years old,
we always will need in life. We always need our own space to do our own thing.
And when a guy isn't insecure by that space, when he feels,
"Hey, I know my partner is going to need some space some of the time.
I know that she needs to have her time, as well as our couple time together,"
that's a powerful sign that you're going to have a healthy balance of connection
time, relationship time, as well as your own space when you need it to live your
own best life.
Number eight is that he communicates respectfully even when he's pissed off.
So in other words, no matter what, he always always respects you.
This is a massive green flag. And Mark Manson was the one that did the study
on this, where he took over 1500 of the longest married couples.
And he found that there was one thing that was even more important in these
couples and communication. In these long-term couples, he found even
when communication breaks down, which it does over the course of
10 plus years, every now and then, there was one thing that these couples
always maintained and it was respect.
They respected each other when they were pissed off, they respected each
other in difficult conversations. They respected each other even when the
other wasn't in the room. So if you have a guy that communicates always
respectfully, even when he's pissed off, even when things aren't going so well,
and even when you're not even in the room, when he's talking to his friends,
that is a major green flag of a very healthy guy.
Green flag number nine is he has his purpose.
So I was on a group call with the lovely ladies on the platinum program recently.
And one of the big things we spoke about was the importance of purpose in a man.
The reason that purpose is so important is that if a man doesn't have purpose,
everything, including you, can feel like a distraction. And that means he'll pull
away from relationship even when he doesn't seem to have a good reason
to just because he doesn't really have his direction.
He doesn't fully know where he's going, and that means that he's going to be
insecure with anything, putting constraints on his time and energy.
Whereas a man who has a purpose is a big green flag because he knows
where he's going. He knows where he wants to be, and thus, he can bring
you into that world and feel totally secure having you there.
And big green flag number 10, he expresses regular gratitude
and appreciation. Okay, John Gottman did one of the biggest studies in
the world and he found that there was a five to one ratio in successful
couples of gratitude and appreciation to criticism.
So one of the biggest green flags you can look for is a guy that
lives to this ratio, lots of gratitude, lots of appreciation, all the best relationships.
I know have this, where he is regularly speaking up, spotting the positives,
telling you what's great, telling you what he likes, telling you what he appreciates.
If you're seeing heaps of gratitude and appreciation coming through,
five to one minimum for every criticism, then that is a wonderful green flag
that you are with a great guy.
That's the video. I hope you enjoyed it. Hit the subscribe button with the
little bell and don't forget to grab a copy of my book. Get it right now.
It is in the description. I'll see you in the next video real soon.