Now, I know what you're thinking.
How did this happen?
Well...
It's a long story.
Hey, I wonder what would happen if I wrapped this chain around myself
and jumped in this hole?
Actually, it's not that long a story, now that I think of it.
I thought I was gonna have to take this from you!
But if you're just gonna give it to me,
cheers.
Oh, I don't believe it.
Me, my father, Vision, now you??
Is there anyone who isn't worthy of this whore of a hammer?
It's lost all its cachet!
Dude!
My hammer just got nailed!
♪ Buddy you're a god, making lightning Zapping all your foes
♪ Gonna take on Thanos some day
♪ You got red on your face In outer space
♪ Swinging your hammer all over the place, singing
WE WILL RAGNAROK YOU!
Door not open fast enough!
Uh, yeah, we really need to do something about those doors.
Must go faster.
YES!!!
We know each other!
He's a friend from work!
I even agreed to cover his last five shifts for him!
Oh crap.
You missed your last five shifts!
What up, Doc?
Thor said he'd cover for me.
Thor is on paid leave!
Went to visit some... haemorrhoid prevention clinic.
"Ass-guard" or som'n.
He ain't covering no shifts!
But...
He promised me.
Well, he lied.
Man, clean out your locker - your ass is fired.
You can't do that!
Well hell yeah I can!
The name's Fury, son!
I will strike thee down!
Yeeaah!
Kiss goodbye to all them late night stake-outs with Romanoff, playa!
Some other dude gonna be keeping her company in the wee hours.
I'm sorry Bruce! I just forgot!
Where are we?
My summer home.
The decor is horrendous but the view is spectacular.
I'll be guiding this sleigh tonight.
Asgard will be reborn in my image.
Alright!
Asgard's gonna be hot!
No kidding.
Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot!!!
Oh, I've missed this!
It's funny...
You never appreciate how much mass genocide truly means to you
until it's been absent from your life for a stretch.
I got a hair cut, lost my flowing hippie locks..
and you and I had a fight recently, which, I won. Easily.
That doesn't sound right.
Well, it's true. And I have the photo to prove it.
See that's me there, kicking your little green butt.
I stand corrected.
Who's stupid idea was this?
Barry's!
No, I said flying saucers, not flying horses!
[COLLECTIVE GROAN]
Ah, that would've worked!
Banner, why is Loki chained up in your bedroom?
Because I've been a very naughty boy, haven't I Brucey?
I didn't do this!
The Hulk must've done it!
Don't be coy, big boy.
When you said you were bringing back friends
I never expected my own brother.
You have a dirty mind and I like it.
Rowr!
Banner...
I first want to say that...
I'm flattered.
Hello.
Hi.
Should always make sure the gun works before announcing one's presence.
Who needs space guns when you have small knives?
Ooh, that hurt.
Roar!
What?
I was feeling left out.
I'm not a queen.
Or a monster.
I'm the Goddess of Death.
And frankly I'm offended you haven't heard of me!
I am a huge deal!
And if I didn't kill everyone I meet,
a lot of folks would be talking about me!
Now remember, when we introduce ourselves,
I'll speak first and say,
"Hello, Hela. We are..."
And then I'll pause for a second, so we can all collectively say,
The Asgardians of the Galaxy!
Woah, woah, woah!
Time out!
What were you the God of again?
I am the God of Static Electricity.
Brush against my skin at your peril!
We're the same, you and I.
Just a couple of hot-headed fools.
Yeah, same.
Hulk like raging volcano.
Thor like... wisp of steam from
cup of chamomile tea.
It's obvious that your just lashing out because I'm worthy and your not.
Oh, make it stop.
He looked much smaller from a distance.
[THOR] OK, so "Asgardians of the Galaxy" is... mostly taken.
How's this for an even better name?
We're a league of heroes, we're out seeking justice...
We're the "Justice League".
[VALKYRIE] Thor, that name is being used by a competing brand.
[THOR] OK, how 'bout this?
We're a squad...
and this could almost be considered a suicide mission...
"Suicide Squad".
[HULK] Name also taken.
[THOR] Ok, fine. Let's keep it simple.
We're avenging Asgard.
We're "The Avengers.
[LOKI] Moron!
Not only is that an existing team,
you yourself are an original member!
[THOR] OK, let's work on the theme song. I'm hearing something like...
♪ "Thor!"
♪ "Huh!"
♪ "He's a god, y'all!"
♪ "What is he good for? Generating lighting..."
♪ "Uh-huh!"
[VALKYRIE] There is no way I''m singing that.
[THOR] Wait, I've got it!
There's four of us...
and we're all pretty fantastic...!
[ALL THREE] NOOOO!!!
[HULK] Thor stupid!
[THOR] Alright. I've got the perfect name for us.
"Thor and the... three... unsupportive...
insensitive... condescending killjoys!"
Bet that ones not taken!
[HULK] That name...
available.