hey psych2goers what was your childhood
like
the way you were raised can have a very
big impact on who you are now
your relationship with your parents and
the environment you are in can shape
your personality
interests and ideals much more than what
most people may realize harmful
behaviors and phrases used by your
parents when you were growing up can
impact your mental well-being and affect
how you view
your other relationships when you're
older it may even strain your
relationship with them down the line
so whether you're already a caregiver
looking for phrases to avoid
or a child seeking information here are
8 hurtful things
parents tell their children before we
get started this is a disclaimer that
this video isn't meant to diagnose treat
or
cure anyone it's for informative
purposes only so
if you or someone you know may be
struggling we urge you to seek
professional help from a therapist or
another trusted professional
number one you're so dramatic grow up
have you ever been told you're too
dramatic as a child you may have been
upset about something that wasn't
objectively a big deal
however while the problem might not have
been that bad rationally speaking
the emotions you felt were still
important when parents dismiss how their
child is feeling it can make them feel
as if their emotions aren't valid and
that they don't deserve to be expressed
telling them to grow up can also cause
them to perceive adults as unfeeling
which may cause future problems with
communication and being vulnerable
the bottom line is that all emotions are
important valid and deserve to be
expressed in a healthy way
number two why are you like this
have you ever been asked this how did
you respond
questions like why are you like this or
what's wrong with you
tend to be used rhetorically when
someone is frustrated however they can
have many psychological impacts
especially for children a child could
start believing that they're inadequate
broken or that there is something wrong
with them children are
extremely impressionable so a parent
saying this
out of spite can affect them for years
parents should try to avoid this phrase
no matter how frustrated they get
phrases like talk to me about what's
wrong or i'm listening let's talk this
out
are much better alternatives that
promote healthy communication and
understanding number three you belong to
me and no one else
are your parents protective many
caretakers feel the natural instinct to
protect their children
however being too possessive may end up
harming their emotional growth
when parents don't let their children
explore the world and experience new
things
they can become over-reliant on the
guidance that won't always be there
telling them this can also suggest the
idea that love is about control and
ownership
in reality people aren't objects and
they deserve to grow and mature at their
own pace
number four as long as i'm feeding and
clothing you you'll follow my rules
have your parents ever guilt-tripped you
by using this phrase
while many parents use it to motivate
children to do simple chores like
cooking and cleaning
it can have some unintended consequences
for example
it could make a child feel like a burden
or that they always have to lift the way
their parents want them to
which may lead to feelings of
frustration and resentment moreover
they may feel as if they're in debt to
their parents and make important
decisions based upon family expectations
and not upon their own wants and needs
while children should acknowledge
everything their parents do for them
it's also important to realize that
parental love and support isn't
something to hold over their heads
number five you're too thin or
overweight
do your parents make small comments
about your weight whenever you eat
while it may not sound like a big deal
it perpetuates
body shaming ideas and our society's
fixation on fitting and following a
certain beauty standard
always mentioning someone's weight may
also promote an unhealthy relationship
with food
as they may feel they're eating too much
or that eating is a chore
while it's important to ensure your
child is eating healthy making comments
about their weight or body shape may
only drag them down
instead you may want to focus on
promoting a balanced diet with
everything in moderation
number six i wish you were more like
do your parents compare you with
siblings cousins and seemingly anyone
even semi-close to your age
when parents constantly wish their
children were different it can become
detrimental to their children's
self-esteem and cause them to constantly
overexert themselves
their children may always feel as if
they have to compete with everyone
which may lead to burnout exhaustion and
jealousy
number seven that's the way i was raised
and i turned out fine
have you ever objected to a decision
your parents made only to be shut down
by this response
many caretakers both subconsciously and
consciously mimic the way they were
raised
but this can become a problem when
they're unwilling to listen to their
children's problems and ideas
this close-minded mentality closes
communication lines and makes children
feel as if their emotions and ideas are
not
important instead caretakers may want to
try recognizing that parenting
isn't a one-size-fits-all kind of thing
it's ever-changing
so what may have worked for them may not
apply to everyone
and number eight you were an accident
while it's true some parents have
unplanned children telling a child this
can leave them with
long-term emotional scars this is
especially the case if they're at a
young
age a child could feel unwanted or like
a burden which could affect them
throughout their entire lives
adding i love you anyway doesn't really
help either
kids want to be left unconditionally so
if you're a parent wanting to tell your
child about their conception
you may want to try to wait until
they're older or to phrase it
differently
have you heard any of these phrases
before if so which ones
how did it affect you let us know in the
comments below
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the references and studies used in this
video are added in the description below
thanks for watching and we'll see you in
the next one