especially narcissistic rage?
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung
and I am a narcissist negotiation expert.
I am also a lawyer
and I have seen narcissistic rage up-close-and-personal
especially in negotiations and mediations
and even in the courtroom, I've seen it,
right at judges even. I mean,
I've seen it come flying out when
that narcissistic injury gets triggered.
Oh my goodness.
That narcissistic rage comes flying out
and so you want to know what triggers it?
I'm going to break it all down for you.
I mean really the bottom line is as tough as they act,
they are not so tough.
They want you to think they're tough.
They're not tough. They come across as super tough.
They act like they're the smartest ones in the room.
They go hopping and puffing
and they want you to think that they're all that all the time
and they have their targets thinking that a lot of the times.
I mean, I can't tell you how many times
people have come into my office
saying to me “Are you going to be tough enough?”
“Are you going to be able to go against this person?”
“I don't know. They're really tough.
They're really smart.” Everybody cowers to them.
And it really sometimes is like all I can do
not to roll my eyes
because I I think to myself “Please”
because they have everyone believing
around them that they're all that.
But you know what really triggers it?
When people confront them.
That's one of the biggest things that triggers that because
they don't want to be confronted.
They don't want to be questioned because
they have this false self.
They have these two sides to them.
They have this layer of false person
that they put on top of this
scared little self that they do not want to expose.
That they don't want anyone else to see.
They don't want anyone to see. That's why they live double lives.
And I have a whole video on why narcissists live double lives,
which you can definitely check out.
And so, what are the biggest things, what triggers
that narcissistic rage to come flying out
When you confront their abusive behavior
or when you confront them about their actions,
when you try to hold them accountable for their actions,
when you try to hold them responsible for their actions,
when you try to tell them that they weren't being responsible,
when you try to show them,
“Look, you actually lied” or “Look.
You didn't do what you said you said you were going to do”
watch them, watch them lie and deny or project and deflect,
but if you really try to cage them,
if you really try to push them into a corner,
that will definitely trigger their narcissistic rage.
If they feel like they are losing control of a situation,
if they feel like they're losing control,
especially of their number one source of supply,
that’ll really get triggered, that'll really trigger their narcissistic rage.
They don't want to lose control of a situation.
They don't want to lose control of something
that they think they have control over
because that will make them feel exposed,
and that's their main source of that inner trauma,
that inner shame. They have this deep
sense of shame. We all have shame to a certain extent.
I know Brene Brown talks about that so brilliantly,
so beautifully, but they have it more so than anyone else.
So criticizing them in any way
really is like the worst for them.
They cannot take that.
So, you know, when you try to hold them accountable,
they take it as a criticism and they can not
take any source of criticism at all.
They're very, very, very, very hypersensitive
to any sort of criticism.
I always say, you know, you can't even speak to them
at any sort of tone because I would say,
narcissists hear tones like dogs hear whistles,
like any sort of potential tone.
They’re hypersensitive to any sort of tone.
So that will definitely trigger some sort of
narcissistic rage as well,
and more than anything, more than anything.
potentially exposing them,
potentially exposing them, potentially exposing their pride,
their face to the world. You know, how they look
to the world means more to them than anything.
They'll protect, how they look to the world,
especially to high forms of supply — people that mean the most to them.
I mean, in the court system, you know,
for those of you who are dealing with narcissist
in the court system,
judges, lawyers, other lawyers,
they mean the most to them, if you are dealing with them
in any other situations, you know, maybe it's business partners.
maybe it's employers, maybe it’s neighbors or
it could be people in the community,
but for sure how they look to the world
means more to them than absolutely anything
and they will protect and defend how they look to the world,
beyond anything — beyond their loved ones,
beyond their children, beyond anything else in the world.
If they think that they're going to be exposed to the world
that will trigger their narcissistic rage
and that will trigger them
more than absolutely anything,
and if you agree with me, put “agree” in the comments below
and I'd love to know what else you've seen
has triggered narcissistic rage as well.
And if you guys are getting ready to negotiate with narcissists,
feel free to grab my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet
and if you have not subscribed to my channel,
make sure you do that now, and the worksheet link is below.
It's also at winmynegotiation.com
and if you need extra support, feel free to join my free private
Facebook group: Narcissistic Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share
and I'm Rebecca Zung. I'm so glad that you stopped by my channel.
I'm so glad that you're here. Remember today's a great day
to start negotiating your best life
and I will definitely see you guys in the next video.