(man) Perfect matches is filmed before a live studio audience.
(newscaster) Tonight on the 7:15 news, is your husband cheating on you
with a hotter woman?
Wait, what?
(laughing)
(cheering and applause)
Are you cheating on me?
Shhh.
The Girl Scouts are comin'.
So, I owe 'em $2,000.
(laughing)
(woman) Hello, anyone there?
Oh my God.
They got in the back door.
(laughing)
Here... Hide under this.
(laughing)
When's lunch?
(cheering)
It's just Amy.
I thought you were a Girl Scout.
Thanks.
Going sailing?
(laughing)
Actually, I'm about to go take care of some business.
(laughing)
I'm terrified.
I think Ralphie's cheating on me.
With what, a doughnut hole?
(slight laughter)
(cheering)
(whooping and whistling)
Don't you knock?
We don't knock.
The postman always rings twice.
(laughing)
You look very nice, Amy.
I like your haircut.
(audience "ooooh"ing)
Aren't you just supposed to deliver the mail
and not pickup lines?
Come on.
When are you going to let me take you out?
Huh?
(cheering and clapping)
Your breath's already doing it from there.
(a few laughs)
(cheering)
Candy!
(whooping)
Anybody see Candy?
Ralphie, every day of his life.
Hey, uh, ease up on the fat jokes.
That's my scripted line.
You're blowing this.
Hey, are those new jeans?
I like 'em.
Oh, yeah... Thanks.
Is there a mirror in your pocket,
because I sure can see myself in 'em.
(one man clears throat)
'Cause that would mean that we would have had sex.
(man) We heard you.
(Bonnie) No one is even listening to me.
I think Ralphie's seeing someone else.
(laughing)
Well, we know it's not his feet.
(man) No.
What the (bleep) is going on today?
(hooting, toilet flushing)
Hey, everybody, I just took a huge dump 'cause I'm so fat.
(loud laughing)
Ralphie, you're not that fat.
For a sperm whale.
(groaning)
Why? Why?
No, every joke is that he's so fat and you guys love it.
No, no, (bleep) you.
What-- no.
This show is not funny.
It's disgusting.
It's a horrible depiction of an Indian man, first of all.
When is lunch?
(uproarious laughter)
No.
You're all (bleep) sheep.
These jokes aren't funny.
You're just used to the rhythms and laughing at them!
(crowd chanting)
Where are you taking me?
(cheering and clapping)
(screaming, gun fires)
Amy?
You look different.
Yeah, you know, I feel different.
(laughing)
Honey, I've got terrible news.
Are you cheating on me?
No, the toilet's broken.
(laughing)
I was so scared, jinga-binga-boom.
(laughing)
Dubba-lubba-dubba-chowm-chowm.
(laughing)
La-la-la-lala-la.
(silence)
Hey, badda-boom-bop-boom.
(laughing)
When's lunch?
(cheering, music playing)
(cheering grows louder)
(machine winding down)