>> Stephen: HAPPY TO BE BACK OVER HERE.
HERE'S THE DEAL, TOO MUCH MONOLOGUE TONIGHT SO WE HAVE TO
DO MORE HERE.
BEFORE I WAS SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED BY THE COMMERCIALS
WE LOVE, I WAS TALKING ABOUT TRUMP'S MEXICO TARIFFS.
BUT MAYBE HE SHOULD BE WORRIED LESS ABOUT ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION
AND MORE ABOUT THE HUGE CARAVAN OF DEMOCRATS MAKING THEIR WAY
TOWARDS THE WHITE HOUSE.
( LAUGHTER )
I'LL TELL YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S "DOIN' IT DONKEY
STYLE."
>> I KNOW OPRAH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) UP NEXT ON "DONKEY STYLE,"
THIS WEEKEND IN IOWA, DEMOCRATS HELD THEIR BIGGEST GROUP
CAMPAIGN EVENT YET, FEATURING NOT ONE, NOT TWELVE, BUT
19 CANDIDATES.
LITTLE KNOWN FACT: A GROUP OF DEMOCRATS THAT LARGE IS CALLED A
"WHOLE FOODS."
( PIANO RIFF ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THERE THAT IS.
THEY WERE ALL THERE TO MAKE THEIR PITCH TO THE PEOPLE OF
IOWA, AND THEY HAD TO KEEP IT BRISK.
BECAUSE THEY WERE EACH GIVEN ONLY FIVE MINUTES TO SPEAK.
AND TO ENFORCE THAT LIMIT, THEY TOOK A PAGE FROM AWARD SHOWS AND
USED LOUD MUSIC TO PLAY OFF ANYONE WHO SPOKE TOO LONG.
HERE'S FORMER MARYLAND CONGRESSMAN JOHN DELANEY.
>> MAKING COMMUNITY COLLEGE FREE, LAUNCHING NATIONAL
SERVICE, OR DEALING WITH THE BLESSINGS OF TECHNOLOGY AND
MAKING SURE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH IT.
ON ALL OF THESE ISSUES, THERE IS A COMMON SENSE WAY FORWARD AND
LET'S BUILD THAT BIG COALITION PARTY AND GOVERN AND LEAD THIS
COUNTRY GOD BLESS YOU.
♪ >> STEPHEN: "WE NEED AFFORDABLE
HEALTHCARE, MORE WIND TURBINES, INFRASTRUCTURE, UH, MY AGENT
LARRY AT U.T.A., MY DRAMA TEACHER WHO REALLY BELIEVED IN
ME, UH, MERYL, IT SHOULD'VE BEEN YOU!!!
THIS IS FOR ALL BALD MEN!" -- I LOVE YOU MOM!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪
WITH SUCH A LIMITED TIME ONSTAGE, CANDIDATES PULLED OUT
ALL THE STOPS TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION.
LIKE MAYOR PETE BUTTIGIEG, WHO HAS MULTIPLE LANGUAGE, RODE
SCHOLAR, HE TRIED TO WHICH THEIR HEARTS WITH SOME PIANO JAZZ.
♪ ♪
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: JON, WHAT IS THAT?
WHAT WAS HE TRYING TO PLAY THERE?
>> Jon: THAT WAS MILES DAVIS' ALL BLUES.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
DID HE NAIL IT?
( LAUGHTER ) THE MAN TAUGHT HIMSELF
NORWEGIAN, JON.
>> Jon: HE'S A REALLY AS A MATTER OF FACT GUY.
>> Stephen: MAYBE HE CAN'T SWING?
>> Jon: CAN'T DO IT ALL!
CAN'T DO IT ALL.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THAT'S KIND OF
SATURDAYS TYING AND NICE TO KNOW THERE'S SOMETHING HE CAN'T DO.
>> Jon: I KNOW.
COME ON, WHAT AM I DOING?
>> Stephen: HE CAN'T PLAY LIKE YOU BUT CAN YOU PLAY LIKE HIM?
( LAUGHTER ) CAN YOU GIVE US THE
BLUES-IGIEG!
( BAND PLAYING ) ( BAND PLAYING OFF KEY AND OFF
TEMPO ) ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, MAESTRO.
>> Jon: YES.
>> STEPHEN: THERE WAS ONE CANDIDATE WHO, SOMEHOW, DIDN'T
WANT TO TAKE PART IN THIS.
AND THAT'S CURRENT IOWA FRONT-RUNNER, FORMER VICE
PRESIDENT AND DAD HANDING HIS CLEAN PLATE TO THE WAITRESS
WHILE SAYING, "HAHA GUESS I HATED IT!", JOE BIDEN.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT HE HAD A GOOD EXCUSE.
BIDEN DID NOT ATTEND THE EVENT BECAUSE HE WAS CELEBRATING HIS
GRANDDAUGHTER'S HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) BUT DON'T WORRY, NOTHING BAD
EVER HAPPENS WHEN THE DEMOCRATIC FRONT RUNNER DECIDES NOT TO GO
TO A SWING STATE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
BUT BIDEN'S NOT WORRIED, BECAUSE HE'S OUT THERE REMINDING VOTERS
OF HIS CORE MESSAGE: I KNOW BARACK OBAMA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ON SATURDAY, HE TWEETED:
HAPPY #BESTFRIENDSDAY TO MY FRIEND, @BARACKOBAMA, WITH A
PHOTO OF TWO FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS.
MR. VICE PRESIDENT, IF THEY'RE REALLY
FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE BOTH OF THEM.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I'M GUESSING YOU'RE YOUR OWN EMERGENCY CONTACT.
LAUGH THE OTHER CANDIDATES MADE SURE
TO NOTE BIDEN'S ABSENCE.
HERE'S MAYOR PETE TAKING A SIDEWAYS SHOT AT BIDEN'S MORE
MODERATE PLATFORM.
>> WE'RE NOT GOING TO WIN BY PLAYING IT SAFE OR PROMISING A
RETURN TO NORMAL.
WE ARE WHERE WE ARE BECAUSE NORMAL BROKE.
AND WE DEMOCRATS CAN NO MORE PROMISE RETURN TO '90S THAN
REPUBLICANS CAN DELIVER ON A PROMISE A RETURN US TO THE '50S.
>> STEPHEN: I DON'T KNOW, MAYOR PETE.
'90S REBOOTS ARE MORE POPULAR THAN EVER.
IT'S WHY JOE BIDEN IS ALSO IN THE REBOOT OF "ALL THAT."
( LAUGHTER ) BUT MAYOR PETE'S STRATEGY MAY BE
WORKING, BECAUSE HE IS SURGING IN THE POLLS IN IOWA.
SO YOU KNOW WHAT?
GOOD FOR HIM.
JON, LET'S PLAY HIM SOME CELEBRATORY MUSIC!
( BAND PLAYING ) >> STEPHEN: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH SAMUEL L. JACKSON.