On this episode of China Uncensored,
China and North Korea are at war!
A war of words…
Hi, welcome to China Uncensored,
I’m your host Chris Chappell.
Chinese leader Mao Zedong once said
China and North Korea were as close as
lips and teeth.
Well, it seems like someone
may have bitten their lip.
China and North Korea appear to be fighting…
via their state-run media.
A commentary from the state-run
Korean Central News Agency, or KCNA,
last week warned China that it should not
“...test the limits of [North Korea’s] patience.”
In fact, China should thank North Korea for
“protecting peace and security of China,
foiling the U.S. scheme for aggression
by waging a hard fight in the front line
of the showdown with the U.S.
for more than seven decades.”
In fact, in fact,
China should really think about how its
“reckless act of chopping down
the pillar of [North Korea]-China relations”
could have "grave consequences."
Boom.
The point is,
North Korean state-run media
has put China in their crosshairs.
Now while that may seem shocking,
keep in mind,
usually when North Korean state-run media
put something in their cross hairs,
they do it literally.
This follows an escalating war of words
between China and North Korea,
proving once again
that the pen is mightier than the sword—
or at least than North Korea's failed missiles.
The Chinese Communist Party, for its part,
has been getting more and more unhappy
with North Korea.
Especially because it’s shown the world
that the superpower wannabe
can’t even rein in its little brother.
In February, the Chinese regime announced
that it would suspend all coal imports
from North Korea for the rest of the year.
State-run North Korean media
responded that China was
“dancing to the tune of the US.”
I mean, they didn't say China.
It just said “a neighboring country.”
It could have been any of the many countries
that neighbor North Korea.
But then my favorite Party mouthpiece, the Global Times,
responded that even harsher sanctions against North Korea
are in order.
Last month, it said
“The North Korea nuclear issue
is like a puzzle filled with bombs.”
In fact I believe we have video of someone
trying to deal with that nuclear issue.
Ok...Ok….Ok….
Nooooooooooo.
Kids these days
don't know what they're missing.
Anyway, the Global Times also said Beijing can
“strike back at any side
that crosses the red line.”
Yeah?
Well North Korean media responded with
“Is it really that great to dance
to another’s tune?”
Is it, unnamed neighboring country?
Is it?
Actually that does look really great.
But moving on,
this month Chinese Communist Party mouthpiece,
the People’s Daily wrote that North Korea
“put itself and the whole region
into dire peril.”
And then North Korea’s state-run KCNA put out the commentary
I mentioned in the beginning of the episode,
only this time, they actually did name names.
Yes, it’s China "dancing to the tune of the US".
Ohhhh.
That was for all of us who were confused
about which of North Korea’s many neighboring countries
has recently changed its stance towards North Korea.
Well, Global Times responded with
a not so subtle threat to end the alliance.
And then North Korea responded with...
wait, what's that, Shelley?
Ok, I'm being told we have video
of the latest exchange.
Let's take a look.
It has come to our attention
that a certain neighboring country
we were total BFFs with
through the shared blood of our martyrs,
has totally stabbed us in the back
by dancing with with an evil imperialist country
when they knew that we liked them first.
And we totally want our friendship bracelet back.
This neighboring country is the WORST.
It has come to our attention
that the so-called DPRK
is being totally selfish with all of their stupid nuclear weapons
because a certain leader is jealous that his dad
got to hang with Bill Clinton
and he had to settle for Dennis Rodman.
Also you can have your stupid friendship bracelet back
if you stop subtweeting us all the time,
that's so basic.
We don't understand what subtweeting or “basic” are,
but we would like to officially say that
we're rubber and you're glue.
And whoever smelt it dealt it.
Whoever denied it supplied it!
That went...in a different direction than I was expecting.
But you know,
it is comforting that in this time of rising tensions,
some forms of communication are universal.
But still, things between North Korea and China remain...
not great.
And since China has recently told its citizens
to get out of Dodge...
...I guess the lips are curling back a
nd baring their teeth.
What do you think of the war of words
between Chinese and North Korean state-run media?
Leave your comments below.
Thanks for watching this episode of China Uncensored.
Once again I’m your host Chris Chappell,
see you next time...
on the dance floor!