-You look great. -Nice to be here.
-Welcome back.
I wanted to apologize to you straight up
because I -- Crypto started to crash.
-Uh-huh.
-You know, It's crashing now or whatever.
And I went up to you earlier and I was like,
"You must be bummed,"
because I thought you told me about crypto."
-No. -It was not you.
-No, but we've spent the last five years being, like,
sort of shamed about crypto.
Like, "You got it?" "No."
"You're a coward?" "No, yeah."
"You're stupid? You're a stupid coward?
You didn't get crypto?"
And then it's been sort of crashing the past couple months,
and I got to say, it's been pretty satisfying to watch.
[ Cheers and applause ] Yeah.
Watching crypto crash is like
watching the Fyre Festival from a nearby boat.
-People are reacting very positively to your special,
"Blocks," on Netflix.
Congratulations. -Thank you very much.
-Do you... [ Cheers and applause ]
Do you pay attention to what people say
about you on social media?
-Well, you've got to be careful on social media, as we all know.
For men, it's a lot of -- The social-media influencers
for men are all -- I call them "the clappers,"
because they start all their posts like this --
like, "What's up, guys?"
If you're under 30, I just have to let you know,
no one's ever clapped and said anything great.
JFK wasn't like, "Ask not what your country can do for you..."
-You're going on tour next year, buddy.
-Yeah. -That's a big deal.
-Thank you.
-Do you have someone watching the house?
-I have someone -- My friend Sarah watches the house.
And she was watching it this year when I was on tour.
And I have, like, a small pool, and I had raccoons back there.
And my first instinct was like, "You got to, like, kill them."
-Yeah, of course.
-And then she sent me video, and they're so cute.
I don't -- Can you show the video?
-You brought the video of raccoons in Neal's backyard.
Take a look at this.
[ Audience "Awws" ]
Oh, my gosh.
They're just cleaning themselves?
I mean, stop.
-I think you got to let them stay.
-You've got to keep them. -Right?
-Yeah, you got to keep 'em.
-And someone goes, "Are you worried about getting rabies?"
I was like, "They're not going to give me rabies.
They might give me wabies."
-Wait. Because that's how cute they are?
-They're so cute, they're going to give me wabies.
And I'm going to have to call 911 and be like,
"I think I have wabies."
They're like, "They're going to send a wambulance over."
And I'm going to go to the hospital,
and they're gonna go like, "Do you have insuwance?"
And I'm going to go, "I have Bwue Cross and Bwue Shield."
-That's how cute those raccoons are.
-They're that cute. -They make you talk like a baby.
You know, you talk about dating in your stand-up.
How's dating life going?
-If you have to ask, it's not going great.
-That's true.
-Well, alright, the women I date have always kind of, like --
kind of bossed me around a little bit.
I think they see me as, like, a fixer-upper.
Like I'm looking for a coach, you know?
So they would constantly be telling me like --
They'd always say like, "I trained him.
I taught him."
Which is like -- You ever hear a guy say that?
No, because you don't know any pimps.
So, and then, like, women would tell me what to do,
and then you talked about this on the show recently.
I had a woman that I was dating. We didn't even live together.
She made me get rid of a piece of art,
and then no one believed me.
And then you talked about it on the show, and I'm so grateful.
Please --
-I have a clip of me talking about this here.
-I love Buddy Holly and I also love stained glass.
-Okay.
-And I don't know why it just came up,
and he's like, "You love stained glass?"
And he said something like, "Do you like Buddy Holly?"
I go, "I do, actually."
He goes, "I have a stained-glass portrait of Buddy Holly
that my wife is like, 'There's no way we're keeping this
in the living room.'"
So, I go, "I will borrow it, and whenever you need it back,
I will hang it in my office."
And it's been in my office since "Late Night."
Neal Brennan, if you need it back, I have it.
That's you.
Yeah, it was your girlfriend, not your wife.
-Yeah. -But either way, I have it.
It's been in my office, and...
-I feel like, if I could get it back...
My girlfriend that I'm dating now is here.
Like, we could maybe -- We could bring it out?
And we can... [ Drumroll ]
-Can we show it? Can we bring it out?
Come on over.
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪
This has been with me for almost 15 years now.
I can't believe that someone
didn't want this in their living room.
-I know.
And I feel like I'm in a good place in my life.
Isn't that cool?
Like, I'm in a good place in my life and I can --
-You can tell by the silence how cool it is.
-It's really --
There's a reverent silence for how cool this is.
So, I feel like I'm in a good place --
-Can I ask you this, though? 'Cause it has been mine.
I don't want to lose it.
I love it so much. -Alright.
-Where did you get it?
-I got it in the street in England.
-That's even cooler. I love it even more.
-I know.
-You got this on the street in England,
and now it's lived in my office for 15 years.
-Yeah.
-And now I'm giving it back to you.
'cause I'm a man of my word.
-Well, let me just -- My girl is here.
And I feel like we're in a good place
and I can sort of make my decisions.
Val, will you stand up? Yeah.
My girlfriend. Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
So, babe, what do you think? Can we keep it?
-No, it's gross.
-Yes! Exactly. Yes!
It's mine again! Thank you!
She's a keeper. I love her, by the way.
Neal Brennan, everybody!
His special, "Neal Brennan: Blocks,"
is streaming now on Netflix.
We'll be right back with a performance from Wizkid.
Stick around.