Or actually keep peace with the narcissists.
By the end of this video,
I'm gonna give you five ways to do
what I call ethically manipulate the narcissist.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am a narcissist negotiation expert and I am an attorney.
I have spent my life dealing with narcissists and
also negotiating with them in my law practice and
on this channel and in these videos,
I teach you how to shift the dynamic
so that you can become the most powerful person in the room,
not just in negotiating with them but in also liberating yourself,
so that you have access to justice, freedom and peace of mind.
If that sounds good,
then, feel free to subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
So, what I call this is ethically manipulating the manipulator;
just so you can learn how to feel freedom in your life and keep the peace.
I mean, in my world what I call it is learning how to uncondition
the conditioning that they've done to you.
Because what happens with a narcissist is, early on,
they start conditioning you,
they start to see if you are going to be a good form of supply for them,
they need endless amount of supply and
you provide that to them.
I mean, it’s kind of sick,
but literally you are their food,
you’re their lifeblood, you’re their oxygen,
you're not really like a person to them
in the sense of a healthy relationship,
you're really just a source of food or a supply for them.
So, what you are doing here is like unconditioning this conditioning,
you’re kind of separating that from them and
it's really a healthy way of getting rid of that.
I call it manipulating the narcissist,
but it's keeping the peace and it's also starting to place boundaries,
also making that shift,
so that you can start to become more assertive.
I hear people say all the time when they start to negotiate with narcissists,
when they start to make that separation,
I don't want to be aggressive,
I don't want to be assertive, or I don't want to fight,
if you want any kind of fair settlement,
if you want any kind of resolution that
looks like something that you might want at all,
you're gonna have to be.
You're never going to get anything you want at all if you don't and
they're never going to leave you alone
because, remember, they get supply from manipulating you,
they get supply from intimidating you,
they get supply from jerking you around,
so they're never going to leave you alone if you don't.
So, if you want peace at all,
you're going to have to do these kinds of things, okay?
Bartering is something that in a normal world
is an exchange of goods and services without money;
but what I mean in this situation is,
where you basically give them a little something of what they want,
so that you can get a little something of what you want and
what this means is, you would say something like,
you give them what they want, which is adulation,
so that you can get something of what you want.
So, you might say, “Hey, can you handle the QuickBooks?
You're so much better at computer programs and math then I am and
so you'll handle it so much more efficiently than I would.
Something like that, and
you would say it completely without any sarcasm,
without any kind of reference to you,
or you being good at anything,
because then you're beefing up their ego,
which is exactly what they want.
Then, you'll get something of what you want,
which is they handle the QuickBook thing and
then they get what they want, which is the adulation and
you say it without any sarcasm, or any tone,
because narcissists hear tones like dogs hear whistles;
like, even if there's no tone, they here tone.
I always say, if you need to go shower or vomit later,
then, go do that,
but they get a little something of what they want and
then, you get something of what you want.
So, that's one way.
That totally messes with their mind,
because they don't know what to do with that.
Like, what is that about?
That totally messes with them, they don't like that,
because they've gotten used to you being a certain way.
So, if you're kind of pushing back on them a little bit,
that messes with them a little bit sometimes,
especially if it's a different way than you've been before,
so, if you're kind of pushing back on them,
or you're more confident than you've been in the past,
that will mess with them.
So, if it's different and you're not used to this,
just say to yourself “I got this”.
They lie a lot, that traps them.
It's great for leverage, let them keep talking,
let them keep writing emails, let them to use all that stuff,
it is great for leverage, I talk about that in my S.L.A.Y program,
that is definitely part of the L,
S L A Y, you want to use all their lies for building leverage,
makes great, great, great leverage and
if you want to know how narcissists respond when you catch them in lies,
definitely check out my video on that topic.
If you are in a situation where you are potentially
mediating temporary issues, for example,
sometimes people don't want to give them room to hang themselves.
Let them, because they will mess up, they will.
So, give them room to hang themselves,
give them room to mess up, they will,
give them opportunities to not do things they're supposed to do,
even at work or whatever,
a lot of times, narcissists, especially covert narcissists, are inherently lazy.
I had to deal with that with a covert narcissistic business partner,
who didn't do what they were supposed to do,
let them have opportunities to…
Where they say they’re going to do things,
they don't have a whole lot of integrity a lot of times,
so, when you give them rope to do things,
they oftentimes don't do things they're supposed to do.
It’s a great opportunity for documentation to show
they didn't do what they were saying they were supposed to do,
great leverage, okay?
You can catch them in that stuff,
so give them room to hang themselves.
Especially when you're in negotiations,
What do you think about this?
What are you thinking on this?
Really great, because then,
you can get their thoughts, what they're thinking and
you can get ideas on their direction and
what you think they're thinking for settlement, what resolution,
you can get their ideas on how they're thinking about settlements,
let them come to some ideas,
because they're going to be more likely to settle that way and
you can get ideas on what their direction is.
So, get them thinking and
it's a way to manipulate them toward where you want them to go.
So, these are all ways to ethically manipulate the manipulator and
by the way, it gets them talking again,
going back to number 3, get them talking,
they lie a lot, trap them, great for leverage, right?
Those are the five ways to ethically manipulate the manipulator and
it also helps you to keep the peace, by the way.
So, if you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me a comment.
Make sure you subscribe to this channel,
hit that notification bell.
Remember today is always a great day to start negotiating your best life.
You can always grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com.
You are always welcome to join my free private Facebook group
at “Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung” as well.
Thank you so much for stopping by today.
Remember to slay,
I will see you in the next video.