-I want to say happy birthday.
You recently had one. -Your damn straight.
-And -- [ Cheers and applause ]
-I'm now 12 years old. -[ Laughing ]
-I'm a big boy!
-Well, 12 doesn't seem wrong for how you celebrated.
-No, not at all. -You went to, what is it called?
Pirate's Adventure?
-Pirate Adventure Dinner, yeah. -Pirate Adventure --
-No, Pirate Dinner Adventure.
It's across the parking lot from Medieval Times.
-Gotcha. -Also a favorite staple of mine.
-You have been to Medieval Times?
-Been to Medieval Times many times.
-So you decided to switch it up,
and here you are on your birthday.
-But don't worry -- I kept it on-brand.
-There you go, so -- [ Laughter ]
-There I am.
-So what happens at Pirate Adventure Dinner?
-Dinnertime Adventure Time? -Yeah.
-It's -- You eat dinner. -Yeah, okay.
-You watch some pirates. There's more of a play.
There's more of, like, a story going on.
I think, but I couldn't hear anything.
It was like -- they're mic'd up and they're --
[ Gibberish ] It's like mumbling.
You're like, "What?"
And at one point, they're like, "Yo-ho-ho-ho!"
And you're like, "Okay, we're singing,
we're singing, we're singing." [ Laughter ]
And there are these brief moments of clarity.
Like, at one point, someone had this jewel,
and they're like, "That's a cursed jewel,
and the monster's gonna come get us if we have the jewel."
And, okay, so you're following along.
"Okay, there's a monster involved."
And at one point they name it.
And they go, "We gotta watch out for the Loch Ness Monster."
And I was like, "Whoa. What? Wait a minute.
The Loch Ness Monster is the Lake Ness monster.
So either we're worried about
Nessie having jumped the confines of land...
[ Laughter ] -Yeah.
-...or for the past hour and a half,
we've been in a lake the whole time.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-And we're following a story of Scottish lake pirates.
[ Laughter ]
And I was like, "Uh, I'm out."
I checked out for a minute, and then, like, Nessie comes up
through the boat, and I was like, "I'm back in."
[ Laughter ]
"Shiver me timbers. I was wrong."
-Are you -- Is it safe to say you were the only group there
that doesn't also have children with you?
-That does make me sound like a real creep.
[ Laughter ]
But I like to watch all the youthful enthusiasm
of the children there.
[ Laughter ]
Bless 'em.
Beautiful, beautiful kids.
[ Laughter ]
-Congratulations.
Another season of "Silicon Valley."
-Thanks, man. -Very exciting.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-The show -- The show has done such a nice job
of advancing the plot every year, but you --
It's an HBO show, and you actually --
You have a destination and ending of this show
that crosses over with another HBO show.
-Yeah, well, I don't --
You know, I guess you have to say "spoiler alert."
-Okay, oh, 'cause you think this might happen?
-Yeah, I've been pitching this every single day
to both Alec Berg, Mike Judge,
and the creators of "Game of Thrones,"
because what I think should happen...
[ Laughter ]
...is I think, at one point,
the dweebs on "Silicon Valley" should code their way
to the center of the Internet.
First, they have to download all the Pentiums
and increase their gigabyte size.
And then they have a portal
that goes into the "Game of Thrones" world.
Okay, hear me out. Shut up.
[ Laughter ]
And then we get warped in. And then we just really --
I mean, at that point, I've lost --
I don't know what will happen, because probably, realistically,
this will be like Little Fingers',
like, sex boy or something. [ Laughter ]
-Gotcha. -Like, in my mind,
I'm a knight. I'm like me and the Hound
are like, "Yeah," back-to-back, fighting the White Walkers.
And we're, like, high-fiving each other.
And he's like, "King of North." I'm like, "Me, too."
[ Laughter ]
But, realistically, I'm, like, Poisoned Victim Number Two.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-I'm on the screen for like one second, going, "Aah!"
And then I'm done.
-You know, I guess,
you don't have a lot of skills to bring to Westeros.
But I was very surprised to hear this,
that, back in the day, when you were younger...
-Yes. -You took taekwondo classes.
[ Scattered cheers ] -Heck, I did.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-Me and that guy. -"Me and that guy."
-Taekwondo! The forgotten art!
-How long did you stick with it?
Was this a lifelong endeavor?
-No, it was not at all.
I got -- I was --
Man, I got to yellow belt.
But in order to get -- -That's the first belt.
-That's -- That's the third belt.
-What comes before it? -It's the second belt.
But in taekwondo, you get, like, white belt,
and then white belt, yellow stripe.
-Yep, yep. -And then you might get, like,
white belt, two yellow stripes. I forget.
But it was always a challenge.
Like, even the beginning, you -- you start out kind of like --
There's a lot of kicking in taekwondo,
and so there would be a lot of drills,
so you'd take these blue mats, like the blue gym mats,
and just, like, kick them.
And all the guys are like -- all of the kids who, like,
were really tough, were just like, "Kyah!"
like, whaling on them, and I'm like, "Okay.
I guess you really got to go for it."
And I'd hit it, and my foot would hurt.
[ Laughter ]
The pads hurt my feet.
So I'd be like, "Kyah! Oh, man! This sucks!"
I like the form exercises, which if you --
I don't know if anybody's taken any martial arts.
Usually a lot of them have forms where you're just like,
"Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!" -Yeah.
Like, off by yourself, kind of practicing.
Loved that. Love the solo one.
[ Laughter ]
And then it's like -- "I like the performance part."
[ Laughter ]
"Just me and the stage."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
And then, why I -- why I quit
is because I finally got a yellow belt, right?
And, I remember getting to the gym.
We upgraded from, like, the basement cafeteria
to the gym when you got to yellow belt.
And I was like, "Okay, cool, more space.
More space to practice."
And then I immediately saw, like, a huddle of boys,
and there were, like, two boys fighting,
and I was like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's -- What's this all about?"
And they're like, "Oh, at yellow belt,
you start sparring. This is when it gets good."
And I was like, "Oh, no."
And I turned around and called my mom
and got her to pick me up. And that was it.
-And was your mom fine with that?
Did she embrace it?
-Yeah! -Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Look at us! Just a -- Just a stage full of pussies.
[ Laughter ]
"You quit, too?! Me, too!"
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Well, I'm glad it didn't -- You know, ultimately,
I'm glad you didn't go down the professional taekwondo path,
because we're very lucky to have you as a performer.
-Yeah, well, you know, maybe I would've done the crossover.
-Yeah. -You know, like,
I would've done, I don't know, the John Cena, Rowdy Roddy --
Rowdy Roddy Piper. -It's not too late.
-Yeah, you're right. I'll do the other way.
Weird. "Middleditch joins WWE.
Why?" [ Laughter ]
His alter-ego is taekwondo guy,
Mr. Yellow Belt! [ Laughter ]
-It's always so great to see you, buddy.
-Thanks! -Thank you for stopping by.