- Today we raid our pantries in the name of war.
- Let's talk about that.
(Good Mythical Morning theme song)
Good Mythical Morning.
- This is different.
Welcome to the first ever split-screen version
of Good Mythical Morning.
As you may have noticed, we are not in our studio.
I'm in my own environment, my own home,
at my own dinner table.
- I'm at a table that I've put in my living room
in my living room.
- Nice, nice table.
Nice bookshelf.
Yes, so this is a bit different.
I wasn't able to get in my normal routine
of right before we recorded an episode,
reaching over and pinching Rhett's nipple.
So I'm a little off-kilter.
- Yeah, we're taking the necessary safety precautions
to keep Link from pinching my nipple
like he loves to do,
but also to protect ourselves and others.
But just because we're getting our safety on
does not mean we're not getting our mythical on.
- Yeah, for the time being,
we're gonna be doing our show in this split-screen,
from our homes format.
And fortunately we were able to bank
a number of episodes from the studio
so we're gonna be switching up our release schedule
a little bit, okay?
So we're gonna be taking those episodes
that we banked ahead of time
and we're gonna be mixing in these split-screen episodes
along with those and altering the release schedule
to just be Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
- And this Monday, Wednesday and Friday schedule
will continue for a while.
Then we'll get back to normal at some point.
But we just appreciate you going with the flow,
being your mythical best during this unusual time.
- Yeah, and in that same spirit,
we also have been going with the flow
and we've been going through our fridges.
We have found a bunch of weird condiments
that we're not excited about eating.
- Especially by the spoonful at a time.
- [Narrator] It's time for One, Two, Three, Four,
I Declare A Condiment War!
Five, Six, Seven, Eight,
Did Anyone Check the Expiration Dates?
- Okay, we're gonna be playing a traditional game
of War, with cards, using some condiments
that we found in our fridges.
- Uh-huh, just to go through, Rhett,
what I found in my cupboards and fridges,
I found pure bourbon vanilla extract.
- Hmm.
- I found some fish sauce,
some Coconut Secret, not a sponsor,
raw coconut vinegar.
This is a full bottle, unopened.
Never used.
We got some pickles, so it's pickle juice.
I've got some black strap molasses,
'cause I like my straps dark and molasses-y.
(giggling)
Oh, and Stevie's listening.
- Stevie's listening in. - The voice is still here.
- She's making sure that everything's going okay.
- All right, buffalo wing sauce
and my archnemesis, manzanilla olives with pimentos.
- All right, I don't have any black straps
but I do have Dijon mustard, white vinegar,
pesto, garlic aioli, this is like balsamic vinegar glaze.
- Oh, we got that.
- It's a little black strappy.
And I got some sriracha and then also
just straight up horseradish.
- Parmesan? - Horseradish.
- Oh. - It says prepared.
- Horsh.
- I don't know what it's prepared for,
but I'm not prepared to eat it by the spoonful.
The game of War is very simple.
You just draw a card and you put it out there.
Whoever has the higher number wins.
But in our game, whoever loses has to then
take the number of teaspoons of whichever condiment
the winner decides for the loser.
- Yeah, and there's some strategy in that
because once you choose something for the loser to eat,
then that thing is off the board and the winner
is determined because the loser
eats everything on their table and is out.
So that's when this game ends.
The winner gets to be, what did we decide?
- Condiment Brian. - Quarantine Brian?
Oh, okay, Condiment Brian. - Condiment Brian.
- Now I wanna see you shuffle your cards,
'cause I don't want no cheating happening
just 'cause we're doing like a video chat.
- See that?
All right, I'm ready to go.
And we'll let you know what happens
if we actually hit the same number.
Something interesting happens at that point.
- All right, here we go.
My first card is a two of diamonds.
(laughing)
- Okay, and mine is a king of spades
which means Link, you're going to take two teaspoons of,
let me see what I want you to get here.
- It is good if you're gonna lose
to lose with a really low card.
So this is a start.
- This isn't gonna be that interesting.
- Would you prefer the official one teaspoon
or just the colloquial teaspoon?
- I don't know if that is the correct use of colloquial,
but I would also say I want to go as technical as possible.
So please use the purse, the purple one.
The personal purple one.
- Oh, do you have one of these?
- Yeah, man, I got a whole set, dude.
- Oh, you did, oh, okay, you did get it.
Okay, yeah.
- But only, this is an official teaspoon right here.
- I think Rhett got that he was planning on
taunting me for not having it,
but then ha!
- Yours looks like it's for a baby, I will say.
Please take and put into that baby spoon,
let's go pickle juice, that's not bad.
- Pickle juice isn't bad, yeah.
I don't wanna get it on my microphone here.
- Mount Olive pickles, not a sponsor.
But they're in North Carolina.
- A teaspoons, oh, there's a little
pickle that went in there.
- Don't get a little pickle.
♪ Little pickle in the middle ♪
♪ Of a burger that's covered in chocolate ♪
Remember that?
(sipping)
Okay, fine, I won't do that every time.
- Please, thank you. - One.
(coughing)
- Somehow you made more noise doing that
than you did sipping it.
(giggling)
- Well, you're also hearing,
like from the earbuds which is like
even more visceral.
- Okay, you ready for round two?
- [Stevie] We're also hearing,
we're hearing a little bit of Lando,
so in case everybody wants to know that as well.
- Lando is the only person in my house
that was interested in being part
of the live Neal Studio Audience.
- I've told my family,
I've told my family to be quiet but so far
they're obliging.
- Oh, Kristy's standing in the kitchen.
She's listening, but she's not watching.
- Okay, I'll go first this time.
Four of clubs.
- Versus a Jack of clubs.
- Okay, all right.
- You lose and you gotta take four scoopies--
- Of what?
- Of Dijon mustard.
- Oh, thanks.
Wow, four teaspoons. - Dijon mustard.
- Okay. - Fart it down in that spoon
and let's have at it.
Okay.
- Um, do I have to clean it out?
- Listen, hey, you gotta clean it out.
We're all in this together.
The entire world-- - Oh my gosh!
- Is coming together.
- That is like-- - For the likes of this.
- This is round one?
For me?
Man, this spoon is not shaped like a human mouth.
- You're having kind of a weird, intimate--
- I'm having to stick my tongue in the spoon.
- It's an intimate encounter,
I'm not really on board.
- I don't even have anything to drink.
- Can you get your colloquial spoon, please?
- You don't like watching me clean out a spoon
with my tongue?
- Not really.
- God, that's bad.
Man, okay, Dijon mustard off the table.
Onto the next round.
- Here we go, wa-bam.
Ooh, Queen.
- Uh-oh, and--
- Queen of clubs. - Eight of clubs.
Oh God.
- You've got to eat eight of something.
- Oh gosh.
- I mean, if you ate eight spoonfuls of pesto,
that would be like a meal.
- You want me to do that?
- Yeah.
(laughing)
- Man, this is just straight up.
- What else are we gonna do, right?
- Oh, sorry.
I just-- - Don't pour it on the mic.
- Apparently the first thing that comes out
is just straight oil.
What in the?
Oh, gosh-- - What's it taste like?
- Strong.
Oh here we go, oh gosh.
How many do I gotta do?
- You gotta do eight, brother.
That's two, six more to go.
- That's actually pretty good.
- Three, it'll stop being good.
I predict at five.
- Man, I wish I had a different shaped tongue.
- What is that, four?
(laughing)
You want like a, is that four?
- I want a tongue that's shaped like a ball.
- I think that's, that's five, right?
- Slip down into this thing here.
(slurping) (laughing)
Six.
- You still liking it?
- This is good. - Why you smiling so much?
- 'Cause this is unexpectedly good.
I don't know how many I've got now.
- I think this is eight.
- Mmm. - All right.
Let me see your card.
- Okay, ready?
I go first?
- Yeah, you go.
- 10 of spades.
- I'm feeling I can beat 10 with a 10 of clubs.
- Whoa! - We're going to war, y'all.
- So this is a real war.
- We're going to war!
- So now we take, and we take three cards,
set them aside.
- One, two, three.
- And now, whoever loses has to do a combination.
- Yeah, these next two combined is the punishment.
- All right, here we go.
- All right, so I have a five of diamonds.
- Okay, and I have a Ace of hearts.
Woo-hoo! - No!
- Hey, listen, Ace counts for 11
and because this was a war,
you have to do the combined of 11 plus five.
- 16 teaspoons.
All right, pick my poison.
- I want you to take 16 teaspoons of molasses.
(laughing)
- That's a lot of sugar, man.
- Yeah.
- 16 spoonfuls of this?
- Let's see how it goes with the first couple.
- Okay.
- Do you have 16?
- Oh, gosh.
Oh my gosh!
(laughing)
It's so thick.
- Yeah.
One.
- Now I got family members coming in here to watch.
- One.
- Lilly comes out of the woodwork.
Kristy's in here.
It looks like it's not empty,
but it's because it sticks to the bottom.
Two.
- Yeah, you really gotta speed it up.
- Three.
Ugh, four.
- How are those straps?
- Five.
Oh.
- It seems like you're just putting it
in your mouth and not swallowing it.
- I'm not.
Six, I just swallowed four of them at once.
Seven, oh thank you.
My wife has given me Doritos.
(laughing)
Yeah, that's gonna make it better.
- Yeah, I like that.
(groaning)
- That's nine, nine.
Oh gosh.
- I feel like I should call mercy after 10.
- And I'll tell you,
the Doritos do not help.
(laughing)
- Hey, I'm sorry about that, man.
I'm sorry about that,
but you shouldn't have drawn a five.
(chuffing)
- All right, what's your next card, brother?
- Three of diamonds.
- Four of hearts, sorry.
- All right, three is not a big number, at least.
- All right, I feel like you need to kind of
clean up that molasses a little bit.
Let me see what you should put in there now.
You know, nothing like a little fish sauce
to clean up some molasses.
- All right, three of these?
Oh, this has got a flip-top.
Oh God!
- Yeah.
- Here, smell that.
Hey, you smell that.
- Oh, that smells like fish, man.
- Here, you smell-a-that. - Eww!
- Okay, you only gotta do three.
It'll cover up that molasses.
You know?
(barfing)
(laughing)
- [Stevie] Oh, come on.
- No, no come on.
This is horrible.
It's the saltiest--
- Yeah, you had a little sweet,
now you get a little salty.
You should be thanking me right now.
I'm just trying to balance out your palate, man.
(laughing)
- Ugh, oh gosh!
(heaving)
- Yeah, don't get it on that jacket.
Don't get it on that nice jacket.
- Okay, thank you.
- Got me worried about that jacket.
- My home is supposed to be a haven.
This is supposed to be the place that I come to
to feel safe and to get away
from all the shenanigans of my work life.
Work Link does not belong here
at my dining room table.
And his breath smells horrible.
- All right, here we go, Link.
I got a, here's your opportunity, buddy.
I have a two of hearts.
- King.
- Okay, what do you want me to take?
- See, but you only have to eat two.
That sucks, man.
All right, horseradish.
- Oh.
You're going for it?
- I want you to get some punishment, man.
- Well this is gonna be awful.
- You think that's the worst thing you got?
- No. (chuckling)
- All right, garlic aioli.
I changed my mind. - Oh gosh, man.
Yeah, okay, garlic aioli.
It won't be bad.
That will be nice.
That'd be nice.
- Oh, man, that was horrible.
I know what'll fix it, a Dorito.
- There we go.
Oh gosh.
This is expired, by the way.
But not by much.
- Just eat it. (laughing)
- Woo-hoo!
That is strong!
- Your immunity's going through the roof, man.
Oh my gosh.
The stuff I found is nastier
than the stuff you found.
- Man, I can't help that I don't have
black strap molasses sitting around.
(giggling)
- All right, here we go again.
- Okay.
- I have, ooh, I got an Ace.
- Okay, I have a queen, oh crap.
- Yes!
- Okay, so I gotta do 10 of something.
- 10.
All right, now we're gonna go with some horseradish, baby.
I got the fish, you got the horse.
We meet in the middle and we get a little remorse.
- I'm gonna go ahead and tell you right now,
I'm not sure if this is physically possible.
- Is it granular or is it saucy?
- It's straight horseradish.
- Yeah, that's what I was talking about.
(screaming)
- Woo, baby!
I can smell my neighbors right now.
I can smell, just after one,
it opened everything up.
All right, I gotta get quick on this.
(laughing)
This is gonna screw up my gut biome.
- That's the sequel to the Pauly Shore movie Biome.
Who else was in that movie?
One of the Baldwin guys.
- Stephen.
- [Stevie] Oh, I thought that you just referred
to me as Stephen, I was very confused for a moment--
- Stephen, save me.
(giggling)
- Oh gosh, okay, four more.
- This is making me sick.
My stomach just said something back to me.
It was like whoa, what's going on up there?
- All we're really doing is we're telling
our gut biomes that Good Mythical Morning continues.
No circumstance is gonna keep us
from eating nasty crap for your entertainment.
- And one more.
(groaning)
- [Stevie] Might I suggest each of you
pick for the other person what you think
their last, worst condiment is
and we do a final round.
- Okay, okay.
Rhett, for you, let's go with the balsamic glaze.
- I think that's the X factor, I really do.
I think that's, it's got a vinegar taste to it.
Okay, and for you I'm gonna go with olive juice, of course.
I mean your archnemesis.
And I hope that you lose, big time.
- Here we go. - Show me your card, Link.
- 10 of hearts.
- Eight of spades.
- Yes!
You got eight,
eight spoonfuls of the balsamic glaze.
- You telling me they're not
gonna get to see you just do one of the olives?
I mean just one.
- All right, for every four, I'll do one.
- Oh man, that's not gonna be good, man.
- It's strong.
A little goes a long way, it's so concentrated.
(giggling)
- It feels, it's good on the end,
I like the end.
- It's good on the end?
- Yeah, I like the aftertaste.
- All right, so that's one.
Two.
- This spoon makes me behave like a baby.
- Here comes the plane.
All right, so that's four.
So I will do one, oh gosh.
I almost spilled it on the table.
- All right.
How's that?
- Horrible.
It tastes like olives, but in liquid form.
Take some more.
- Five.
I'm not gonna,
I don't know what's gonna come out of me later,
but it's not gonna be pleasant.
It's gonna smell so strange.
- Keep going, rapid fire.
- Six.
Seven. - Oh gosh.
- Eight. - All right.
- Okay, you win.
Congratulations, Link.
That means that you are officially Condiment Brian.
You wanna give yourself a name tag?
- Yeah, I'm gonna give myself,
how do you spell condiment?
(laughing)
- How do you spell condiment,
that's the question of the day.
- Aw yeah, right there, baby. - Congrats, Brian.
All right.
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