- Welcome to an FJ News Special Report.
We're only almost a week late
reporting on a story that truly affects all of us.
Ellen DeGeneres has returned to TV,
and her apology for the many allegations
made against her and her staff.
Today, we will be analyzing her apology
to demonstrate how not to make an apology.
Ellen begins by acknowledging the allegations
of her show being a toxic work environment, saying:
- I learned that things happened here
that never should have happened.
- While that may be true, that she learned things happened,
she is phrasing things in such a way
as to remove herself from direct culpability.
She only learned about it.
- I take that very seriously, and I wanna say
I am so sorry to the people who were affected.
- She follows it up with a direct apology to those affected,
which is admirable.
And she takes responsibility
for what happens on the show, saying:
- My name is there, my name is there,
my name is on underwear...
(audience chuckles)
And today we are starting a new chapter.
(audience applauds)
- This might just be me,
but the clapping undercuts the sincerity a little bit.
Like, "Whoo, no more toxic work environment, yeah."
In the same way it'd be like, "Whoo, yeah,
interview with some random actor from a TV show, yeah."
Then Ellen brings it back to the allegations
that she herself was mean to people.
- There were also articles in the press and on social media
that said that I am not who I appear to be on TV,
because I became known as the "be kind lady."
I started saying be kind to one another
after a young man named Tyler Clementi took his own life.
- People said I'm not who I appear to be,
whatever that means.
Then she's like,
"Guess where the 'be kind lady' moniker came from, jerks.
It's 'cause a kid died."
While her story may be true,
it is clouding the actual allegations against her
that she was mean.
She's also trying to say, "I'm not the 'be kind lady'
because I, myself, am kind.
It's just because I think we should all try
to be kind to one another.
'Cause someone died."
Which is not the worst explanation in the world,
it actually makes a lot of sense,
but the problem is, when you are apologizing,
explanations often sound like
attempts to avoid responsibility.
- I am that person that you see on TV.
I am also a lot of other things.
Sometimes I get sad, I get mad, I get anxious,
I get frustrated, I get impatient.
- She's only human.
And it is good that she admits
that she is flawed and working on it.
Who isn't, after all?
But she still never said,
"Yup, I was mean to people, I'm sorry."
As she goes on, I think she makes
one of the biggest mistakes you can make in an apology.
- And if I've ever let someone down,
if I've ever hurt their feelings, I am so sorry for that.
- When apologizing, don't say the word "if."
This is the first time she's apologized for her own actions,
which, in fairness, I have only heard about third-hand,
so what do I know?
But by using "if" she is saying,
"Did I do it? I'm not sure.
If I did, sorry. If I didn't, not sorry."
- I have let myself down and I've hurt myself as well.
- Also, bringing it back
to how much it hurt her that other people are hurt
is not a good move.
A sincere apology should express remorse, certainly,
but shouldn't suggest that the hurt the victim feels
is equivalent to the hurt the offending party feels.
It's a way of saying,
"I've suffered just as much as you have,
so you can't get too mad at me."
Then she goes on to say the world is in bad shape right now.
- People are losing their jobs,
people are losing loved ones to a pandemic.
- It's a way of putting into perspective
what she allegedly did
in comparison to a pandemic and social unrest.
Which, when you do that, yeah, who cares what Ellen did?
To be honest with you, I couldn't care less.
But the thing is, when you're apologizing,
even for something small,
don't try to mitigate what you did
by pointing out how it pales in comparison
to something much, much worse.
"I'm sorry I made you feel
like a piece of garbage by the way I treated you,
but hey, people are losing their jobs and their lives."
Ultimately, Ellen's apology
was a bit too logical and methodical,
which I think undercuts the sincerity.
She didn't say anything obviously untrue,
but worded things in such a way
to avoid any real admission of wrongdoing.
I think Ellen was too worried
about further damage to her "be kind" persona,
which ironically led to an apology
which probably undercuts the persona more so
than if she had just said,
"Yeah, I was a jerk to people, that was wrong.
But I've learned my lesson."
Check out this FJ News video next,
hit Like, as I am monitoring the analytics closely,
and until next Sunday, have a good week.
Are you still there?
There's nothing else to watch, this is it.