Giving and receiving are a natural part of life.
A bit like an exhale and an inhale.
Giving and receiving is an essential part of well-being
or life satisfaction.
It's also an essential part of relationships.
Even so,
people can have trauma around giving or receiving,
or both.
A while ago I did a video titled:
"How to Receive"
If you feel like you have trouble receiving,
you'll wanna watch that video.
Today in this video,
we're going to talk about how to give;
How to Give!
To give is to present, bestow, provide, deliver, hand over,
commit and trust or transfer the possession of something
voluntarily,
without expectation of compensation.
There are a multitude of different reasons
why somebody might have resistance to giving.
A person might have resistance to giving a specific thing,
for a specific reason,
or they might have resistance to giving in general.
Some examples of resistance to giving a specific thing, are:
A person might not want to give a gift
because they feel like giving a gift supports consumerism and greed,
or that it allows people to value material things over people and love.
A person may not want to give a child a special item,
because they feel the child will not value it enough to take care of it.
A person may not want to give a compliment on someone's work,
because they feel the compliment
will cause them to stop striving for improvement and become lazy.
A person might not want to give forgiveness,
because they feel that by doing so
they somehow condone the person's actions.
A person may not want to give financial support,
because they fear it will inspire dependency.
Some examples of resistance to giving in general, are:
We may feel like the law of the land in this world is every man for himself,
and so because we expect to receive nothing from others
we're locked in personal survival mode
and don't want to give any of our personal resources or energy away.
We may fear that if we give something a person will now expect that from us
and become entitled.
In which case, we start to feel like
rather than choosing to give something,
others are taking it from us.
We may have trauma relative to things that we give
being received, instead of rejected.
And so we stopped giving
and instead, feel frozen at the idea
of extending any part of our energy or resources to someone else,
when they could reject it.
We may have so much trauma about giving and receiving
being a manipulative tool used for control and abuse,
that we reject the idea of giving, entirely.
We may not want to give,
because we feel it sets off an awkward expectation of reciprocation in others.
We may not want to give because we feel lack and starved and depleted,
and we feel that only further depletion and further lack
will come to us if we do give.
Or, that we genuinely have nothing to give.
Because giving is like life's out breath when it comes to energy,
and because it's an essential element of life satisfaction,
let's look at how to give;
#1.
The first step is resolving resistance relative to giving.
Now this could be resolving resistance relative to giving a specific thing,
or resolving resistance relative to giving in general.
If giving is our issue.
We need to dive as deep as we possibly can
to gain awareness as to the "why?"
behind our resistance to giving.
This is the only way to figure out how our perspective might need to change,
or what we might need to do or not do differently.
I don't want you to dive into this with this idea that "I should give"
or like, on a mission to try to get yourself
to want to give away something.
That can't be your goal.
The goal of going in in this way has to be to fully understand,
that oppositional force inside that's a "no" to giving,
instead of a "yes" to it.
This also means you've got to look at the trauma
that often exists behind that "no".
Keep in mind that you might just find out,
as a result of this inner exploration,
that it maybe is an alignment for you to be self-centered
or to build up your own resources right now.
Who knows?
You've got to leave that idea open.
Two of the best methods for this are The Completion Process,
and Parts Work.
To Learn how to do The Completion Process
you can read my book that is quite literally titled:
"The Completion Process"
Alternatively, you can go to www.completionprocess.com
and find a practitioner to walk you through it.
If you do this,
you want to use the sensation of that trigger
that happens when you think about
giving something that you don't want to give.
To learn how to do parts work,
you can watch my video titled:
Parts Work (What is Parts Work and How To Do It)
If you do this,
you want to talk to the part of you that has the resistance,
to giving whatever it is that you're thinking about giving,
or that has resistance to giving in general.
As a general rule,
don't give something
unless it feels in alignment for you to give that thing.
You don't want to bulldoze past a part of you that's going:
"ehhh"...
No. You're going to develop a terrible relationship with yourself.
And also, it's an oppositional force to giving somebody a gift
in a way where that gift can be truly received.
So, if you don't feel in alignment with giving a gift,
this means there is some resistance there
that needs to be deeply understood and resolved in some way.
#2.
Change your perspective about giving.
Doing so will make it feel like you're in alignment with giving,
instead of out of alignment with giving.
It will make it so that gift giving or giving in general, feels good.
To help you out with this,
I'm going to gift you with some new perspectives.
The first,
is that giving is like breathing air out.
Just like breathing,
if all you do is breathe in and hold your breath,
you're going to die, actually.
There's no way for life to be in session
or life to be in flow,
when there is no out breath.
Giving and receiving works the exact same way.
In order to receive,
you have to give.
In the same way that in order to breathe in,
you have to breathe out.
The second is that a thing should be
where it can fulfill its unique purpose,
its unique, let's say, mission...
and its unique reason for being.
And all things in existence, have a reason for being
and therefore a unique mission and purpose
regardless of whether those things are animate or inanimate.
The native americans have a giveaway ceremony called a potlatch.
it's a ritual practice to offer or give away without attachment or regret.
In this ritual,
things were not given because they were no longer needed or wanted,
instead, it was common for a person to give away
his or her most prized possession,
if he or she knew that the item would fulfill its purpose better elsewhere.
All things in existence were understood to play a role in creation
and thus have a particular mission.
This means, to many native americans
having something sitting in the attic
or in the basement, or in a closet
was to deny that thing of its reason for being,
of its mission and purpose on earth.
It was also to deny other people
whose life purpose would be better served by it,
or whose happiness would be better served by it.
So, the thing someone else would value,
or the cherished thing whose mission of service
would be better completed with someone else,
was given to that person.
Now, they believed that all things had medicine,
this means there was medicine in everything and every object.
They believed that to not do this,
was to dishonor the medicine inherent in that item,
and also, to dishonor the medicine of the maker of that item,
if that item did in fact, have a maker.
So, walk through your home with this in mind.
The third perspective that I'm going to share with you
is that you have to cast your vote
if what you want is a world of abundance
and a world of generosity,
then you must cast your vote.
But you cast your vote in this life
through what you're thinking, saying and doing.
This is the real meaning of:
"be that which you wish to see in the world".
If you want an abundant and a generous world,
you have to be generous and giving.
Create a strong enough vibration of generosity
that it takes over the world like a positive virus.
It is natural for people to give,
they only start to hold on tightly to things
and become greedy or stingy
when they have the perception of lack and fear.
The more generous you are with others,
the less they are in the perception of lack and fear,
and therefore, the more they also give.
The fourth thing is that your purpose is really about
what you are meant to give in this life.
I want you to think about all beings having been created
as a gift being given from the universe at large,
to the rest of existence.
This means,
it is only through considering what we are meant to give in this life
and what we want others to take away from us,
that we can truly be in alignment with our purpose.
#3.
When it comes to giving, figuring out the "why?",
"what?" and the "how?" of giving
is gonna change the game for you.
Why are you going to give?
What is your personal motivation?
In order to give, you must be inspired to give.
You must know why you're doing it.
And the "why" you are doing it,
must be in alignment, with your own personal integrity.
What will you give?
A lot of the answer to this is about what you can afford to give,
or what feels good to give,
time, resource and energy-wise.
And finally, how will you give it?
The point of this question is to figure out how to give
whatever it is that you want to give,
in a way that truly feels good to you
and that's highest and best.
#4.
Giving is not limited to gifts.
But gifts is a big part of giving,
and gifts are in fact, a love language.
This means,
hone your skills relative to giving gifts.
Gifts may seem trivial at face value,
but they are anything but.
They are a visual symbol of love.
Every time somebody sees a gift that you gave them,
what it says to them is
that you care about them enough to understand them,
especially what they want and need,
that you took the time to seek, secure, find and deliver
that thing to them.
It is demonstration of:
"You're on my mind and I have something to prove it".
This means, a big part of giving is to learn how to give gifts.
Lucky for you,
I've created just the video.
To learn how to give gifts,
I have a full tutorial on my video titled:
How to Express Love Through Gifts
#5.
We may struggle relative to giving,
because we have a limited perspective when it comes to giving.
Especially, when it comes to what to give.
All people have much more natural abilities, shall we say,
when it comes to giving in certain ways versus other ways.
Now, we can focus on improving the ways in which we give
that don't necessarily come naturally to us.
However, the majority of our focus should actually go towards
giving in the ways that come to us most naturally,
and that feel the best to us specifically.
I'm going to give you a few examples
of some ways to give.
You can give by providing.
This means you could spend money on others
or give them resources or things that they want or need.
You could give your time, focus and presence.
This means you could spend time with someone,
giving them your undivided attention.
You could volunteer.
This means you could give your energy to some cause.
You could give help.
This means you could lend your time and energy
to assisting someone or something in some way,
you could give physical touch,
this means that you could use touch as a way of giving someone affection,
comfort and pleasure.
You could give information, truth and awareness.
This means you could give your mental resources to someone,
so that they have more information.
You could give kindness.
This means that you could give small acts of kindness
to those around you,
such as opening doors, smiling at people,
shoveling someone else's driveway,
putting out bird seed,
bringing a friend a treat, etc...
You could give affirmation.
This means you could give words to others
in the form of affirmations, compliments or other positive statements.
You could give humor to others.
This means, you could make them smile or laugh.
You could give yourself to others.
This means, you could be open,
tell people stories and information and truths about yourself.
You could give your talent.
This means you could offer your talents or skills
in ways that benefit others.
For example, if your talent is photography,
you could offer to take someone's photograph
or if your skill is herbal remedies,
you can make someone a remedy.
So think about how you like to give.
What ways giving feels good to you.
#6.
When it comes to giving,
it's very important to think about the recipient.
You have to really deeply understand the recipient,
to know what it is that would most benefit them
for you to give.
It's important to think about what they want, what they need,
what they would be delighted by,
much more so than what you think they want,
what you think they should need,
or what you think they should be delighted by.
It is only by deeply understanding the recipient,
that you can find and understand the perfect thing and way to give.
#7.
Get rid of your expectations.
Giving and receiving can only be pure
when there's no strings attached.
What this means,
is you've got to create two camps in your life...
This camp, is for transactions,
this camp is for giving / receiving...
Two different camps.
There's nothing wrong with transaction,
it simply has to be understood,
it has to be expressed,
it has to be out in the open,
and it has to be mutually agreed upon.
Giving, on the other hand,
should not happen with the expectation of getting.
If you're able to become a person
who can give without expecting anything in return,
then you're the kind of person who can rehabilitate the world,
specifically, relative to receiving.
To get super clear about your expectations,
you need to get super clear about what your motive is
for giving someone something.
Dare to be brutally honest with yourself
no matter how bad the answer might make you feel about yourself.
It is better to be honest about an expectation
or to not give something to someone at all,
than to give something that is laced
with unexpressed and subconscious expectations.
This is no different than handing somebody poison laced water.
#8.
Take others as a part of yourself
and the impulse to give, will be automatic.
To love, is to take something as a part of yourself.
It is inclusive.
It is the energetic movement towards oneness.
When you take something and you include it as a part of you,
all of a sudden their best interests become a part of your own best interests.
The ultimate reality in this universe is that of oneness.
we may perceive there to be separate things in the world,
but this perception is an illusion.
We are all comprised of the same energy
that is merely expressing itself as different things.
If you take something as a part of you,
you do not perceive yourself to be separate from that thing.
You can also perceive it with more accuracy, because of this.
And because its best interests
are a part of your own best interests,
it means you will automatically have an impulse
to give for the sake of someone else's best interests,
as well as a better idea of what to give them.
Never forget that to give is a natural impulse
that comes as a result of loving something.
And to love is a choice.
no one has ever become poor by giving.
In fact, giving has a way of making people simply richer and richer.
Not just yourself, but everyone around you.
For this reason, I'm going to end this episode
with the wise words of Winston Churchill:
"We make a living by what we get,
but we make a life by what we give".
Have a good week.
If you liked this video, be sure to share it, like it
and also subscribe to my channel so you can see more content like this.
But I want to personally thank you for taking the initiative
and having the bravery to step into the space of awareness
not only for yourself, but for the benefit of those around you.
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte