Hello everybody my name is Markiplier
and welcome too, 'Calm Down Stalin'
now..honestly don't have any idea what this game is about..
but..just judging by the looks of it
it's seems to be an absolutely ridiculous adventure..
that is gonna be completely...
uuuuununderstandable..
'Stamping the documents correctly can increase the State Integrity"
Ok..it's something like that leads me to believe..that I have no idea
what this game is about..
you see how those..words in that sentence they don't mean anything
they're very..illogical in anything
why would stamping a document has any affect on 'State Integrity'
Will the people just be looking on how accurate my stamps a-..oh.
Hi..
'Place you hand (starts to laugh) near the Button to threaten your enemies'
oooh
(in a 'different' voice) Don't worry...I won't do it. I don't know Stalin sounds like..but I think he sounds like this..
Ooawh..You WANT me to press it..don't chu.
haboop *presses button*
Oh..
'You've pressed the Button. The order to attack (starts to laugh) has been given. The war is inevitable now'
Ooohh..OOHH..O-OKK
Oh..it was just that easy
Alrightly then..'Drinking some vodka reduces (starts to laugh) the Stress substantiality'
Well I LIKE to think so..but I can't really drink anymore (Yea markimoo..)
Ok..we just-..can I pick up- OH
MMMAWM..MMMERMM..MMEEHERHER..MMHER
Let me just..OH..OH..Oh..oh..oh yea..oh you..oh you THINK
Oh you think...oh-owh..hello
Ahhh..
'Pick up the pipe and smoke to relive stress'
Well I..I don't where the pipe went..Oh- it's right here
Can I put that down..
HOOF POOF POOF..
I am very less stressful..!
WHAT WAS THAT?! You threaten ME???
AWOOWHHW I DON'T take KINDLY to threatenings
Don't you know who I am!?
HOOP!
HAP!
HO (giggles lightly) Oh-ah I always got a rumbling in my tumbbling..
OR WAS IT WAR?!?!?!
Phone unlocked...'Ending the call abruptly or failing to answer decreases the State Integrity..'
'I can't believe it took them so long to get a phone in my new study. Time to make some calls..'
'War is at the door. Today is the beginning of the endless threatening for the sake of the peace'
Ok..'Accurate gun shots (starts to laugh) reduce the Stress and increase the State integrity'
Again! the nonsensical nature of these intros screens..seems to be dabbling(?) with my mind
oohh..WHATS THAT...HUH??!! That's what I thought..
OOH..!! My Heart!
OR maybe it was WAR?!
I've got a rumbling in my tumbling..
OR WAS IT WWAAARRR?!
Oh...excuse me...'Hello..?!
uh-huh..YES...huh..this phone...this phone..looks weird (laughs)..it smells weird too..
BA...alrighty then
Where's my pipe...?!
HERPERF..! HERPARF!
Ugwh..I'm Stalin..sure to be good Stalin..
FOR WAR!!!
HaaaAAAAaa..OOHHH I'll do it..!
I'll do it alright
OoOOHH..I'm about to do it
Oh shit he 'bout to do it..Hello?
Eat a dick!..oh
YAY!
Good job me..I'm doing great!
Oh lamp..! 'Cause stress while flickering. Hit with your hand to fix it.'
Oh..
Oh ok (laughs)
'It was too dark, so I've ordered a new bright lamp to be brought for my table. They should hope it works good.'
Awhright..'The closer your hand it to the Button..the hight is the effect'
Yum yum yum in my tum tum tum...who's ready for war!?
Oh SHIT...god dammit..I didn't mean to do that..
It's a good thing that they have a constant live stream
HO..where I'd put my wallet?!
AWHFUCK..where I'd put that?!...War Button
Oh yes..
I'm very close to it now..
Arwha..BA...BI BA BOOPBA (CONTINUE ON IN A HIGH PITCH FAST WIND)
Oh..If I don't look at it...I won't see the light..!
BIDY-ABOOP..ABOOP
AWGH...If I just smoke my pipe in the dark...maybe I can get the menacing bruiting effect
Oh look how red this button is..
It's so red...AH STOPTHAT
OOhh BUBUBU..OOH BUBUBU
OH BUBUBUB..SSSTTTOP
Heh..good thing it's over..
(starts to laugh)
This game is re-goddamn ridiculous
'Was getting used to the new lamp. It flickers'
'Gather the ministers and the officers and get ready to stand our ground.'
'Optional- Do the most stressful and tiring state business. The State Integrity will improve greatly but at a cost to personal Tiredness'
WHATEVER, lets continue on..'Failure to hit the target with the gun can reduce the State Integrity'
Ok! I get it
Some where there's a gun
NOOO...I'M THE MAN!
I'M THE MAN..DON'T CA-O-OH AH!
WHY DID IT DRIFT DOWN?!?
I didn't do that...
Herap! I'll do it..I'll do it...Oh I'll do it
Oh I'll do it..oh I'm so tantalizedly close to the butTON
AHWM..GOOD THING I'M NOT LOOKING AT THE GENERAL DIRECTION WHERE I'M WORKING!
OOH! WAIT THERE'S MY FINGER!
Maybe I'll stroke my mustache
WHO DA FACK?!
Hello?...Huh?..WHAT? God dammit!
AAHAHH!!..uh-huh..uh-huh-uh-huh..yea, I'lll just got..uh-huh..yea..yea..ah-ok..goodbye
WWWAAAAAARRRR!!!!
BIDY-A-BOOP-BIDY-ABOOPY-BIDDY
Waaaarrr! Whoa you wanna press it so badly?!
Oh jeez yes..look where you're going!
My god!
Who knew, that being head of state..was so dang important...
It looks more menacing when the light is flickering..
But that's also seem to be increasing my-
AAAHHHHH!! NOO!! I WAS GOING UUUUPP!
I WAS ALMOST DONE WITH THAT ONE! God dammit..
Alllll you sons of bitches all around the world need to back the frick off..because Stalin..
*zooms in on mark*
Means business! PUFF PUFF PUFF
Alright everybody back off...everybody calm down..
Get your hands off the nuke buttons. Even though mine is on it!
I'm not gonna answer that phone because I got war being declared..
AWGH!!
Finally! Ok..we made it..progress
Vodka!
'Drink to significantly reduce Stress. Ring the bell to order'
So I'm just gonna be a non-stop drunker the entire time I'm the head of state..
Which is probably....pretty historically accurate there..
'Why do I have to leave my desk to get a drink? There's now an officer responsible for bringing drinks to me'
YAY! We get to be drunk! I like the sounds of this..
Alright..
Can someone brin--OH thank you!
OHHOHOHO Yes!
GLUG GLUG...alright goodbye.
Puff..Ok alright now to the threatening...
I'm drunk..and my finger is on a button that launches...a lot of nukes..
does anybody wants to mess with me..? (laughs) I didn't think so!
AMWH AHAHAHA..eh...
I can't laugh with my eyes closed..I gotta keep an eye on this goddamn button
(mumble) ding dong...ding dong please...ding ding ding
Please..! DING DONG..!!!
Ah--OWHOHO..That was way to freaking close right at the end there
'The enemy is strong and confident but we have tools to undermine that confident. Let us use those tools'
You mean by 'tool' you mean the big red glowing button..that says 'kill everybody'
Yea that's right..you better back off..everybody better back off
I-i-i I'm crazy..who knows what I'll do
Oooh..everybody better watch out for Stalin stink eye here!
Stalin got a good idea, what to do in these certain situations.
Number one! Get drunk!..Number two, don't answer the phone, number three, smoke my..."Tobacco"
And then four..beat up everyone in existence
bonk, bonky, bonkdy bonk, bonky, bonkdybonk, bonky, bonkdy
This doesn't seem to be going well I could hope..
time for Vodka!
Ok..wHOA BOY..WE'RE FIGHTING UP A STORM HERE WE'RE ALMOST DONE
BUT I'M FIGHTING IT...FIGHTING IT HAAARRDD
OOOHHH..Where my vodka go?
OOOHH GOD WHERE'S MY VODKA?!
OOOOHHH! BABY NEEDS IT'S BOTTLE!!
SHUT THE FUCK UUUPPPP
I need all my concentrations on this..right n-
oh god..you want to push it so badly..
You want to push it- AHHH FUCK!!
GODDAMMIT I WAS RIGHT THERE!
AHHHHH
FUCK
YOU
There's no way to win that..!
Ah there's a way to win that.
It's called not being a giant piece of SHIT
But I can't do thhhaaaaa *crashes*