Narrator: Dr Ivan Ostril, hired to research the psychological effects of video games.
Narrator: Then, a freak accident alters his body chemistry.
[LIGHTNING FLASH]
Narrator: Now when Ivan plays a bad game for too long and becomes outraged, he transforms into:
Narrator: The Shovelwarewolf
Narrator: Locked away by those who hired him, Ivan attempted escape but was recaptured.
Narrator: His arm permanently transformed as a result. A prisoner once more, he is forced to continue playing bad games.
[Dance Of The Sugarplum Fairy plays in the background]
Ivan: It's been two months since my failed escape attempt.
Ivan: This arm has made writing more difficult, typing a unique challenge and using the bathroom... awkward.
[CRASH]
[Rattling and crashing of mailbox]
Ivan: What the?
Santa: *laughing* Ho ho ho!
Ivan: Santa?! What are you doing here?
Santa: Well Ivan, I couldn't help but notice how depressed you've been lately.
Santa: So I figured I'd spread some Christmas cheer and bring you a video game to play!
Ivan: A game? Like... a good one? Something worth actually playing?
Santa: Of course! I brought you the best thing I could think of, direct from the North Pole.
[Ripping Of Wrapping Paper]
[Angry panting]
[LIGHTNING FLASH]
[Sounds of pained grunting]
[Smashing Glass]
[Clothes Ripping]
[Santa Sounding Fearful]
Shovelwarewolf: *howling*
[Snarling]
[Punches Santa, Santa collides with wall]
Shovelwarewolf: I highly doubt the game will be anywhere near that riveting.
Shovelwarewolf: A spitting image of myself, if I do say so.
Sam The Snowman: Let me introduce myself. I'm Sam The Snowman!
Shovelwarewolf: I don't care who you are just get to the crappy game!
[Sounds of Effort at working the motion controls]
Shovelwarewolf: Why doesn't the stupid elf do this himself? Why am I required to bounce this random crap off my head into the correct location?
Shovelwarewolf: That seems highly inefficient!
Shovelwarewolf: Feels highly inefficient too.
Shovelwarewolf: Who the heck is this guy supposed to be?
Shovelwarewolf: Yeah.
[Grunts as he copies the yeti's movements]
Shovelwarewolf: This game might be fun, if you could lose! But you can't! All you do is move the Wii Remote and it automatically hits the toy that's glowing!
Shovelwarewolf: Hello!
Shovelwarewolf: This game is stupid! Follow the helpful pictures of the gingerbread man to properly make the cookies!
Shovelwarewolf: Once again, you can't lose! What's the point? I couldn't care less if the children of the world get cookies!
Shovelwarewolf: And why are there only two elves in the entire North Pole helping with this? Budget cuts?
Shovelwarewolf: And there's that creepy yeti again! Who let that guy in here and why?
Sam The Snowman: Santa and his elves need your help to deliver the toys!
Shovelwarewolf: Finally! The moment we've all been waiting for. Where we get to pilot Santa's sleigh and race across the planet, delivering gifts and...
Shovelwarewolf: Just... flip the Wii Remote to throw a present. I guess that takes the barest of timing skills!
Shovelwarewolf: But this game still reeks worse than reindeer droppings!
Sam The Snowman: Christmas has been saved!
Shovelwarewolf: That's...That's it?
Shovelwarewolf: It's over already? I just freaking beat this game in like five minutes?
Shovelwarewolf: Oh no. Not yet! I'm getting more value out of this piece of garbage somehow!
Shovelwarewolf: Hmmm.
Santa: [Groans]
Shovelwarewolf: Ah ha! Get over here fat man, we're going to play some multiplayer Rudolph!
Santa: [Squeals] Ho, ho no!
Shovelwarewolf: Shut up you chimney creeping home invader! You brought this upon yourself!
Shovelwarewolf: Now take this stupid thing.
[Shovelwarewolf laughs] [Santa whimpers]
Shovelwarewolf: Yeah! Take that you jolly geezer!
Shovelwarewolf: [Laughs happily in victory]
Shovelwarewolf: HA! Ready for more?
Santa: Well I-
Shovelwarewolf: Too bad, we're playing anyway!
Shovelwarewolf: How are you even losing at this, no wonder the elves do all the work. Your aim is as ugly as your beard!
Shovelwarewolf: Two for two! Shall we continue?
Santa: Please... Stop.
Shovelwarewolf: This one is a real workout, which it looks like you could use! Hahahah!
Santa and Shovelwarewolf: [Panting in exertion]
Santa and Shovelwarewolf: [More panting in exertion]
Shovelwarewolf: Oh, a tie! You really do love cookies don't you!
Shovelwarewolf: Look at that! A wolfman delivers gifts better than you! Which goes without saying, since you delivered me this piece of abominable trash!
[Crash as the game hits the wall]
Sam The Snowman: Great job! Christmas has been saved.
Shovelwarewolf: Ha! Eat it! I'm a better Santa than you'll ever be, you cookie snarfing Ho Ho Homewrecker.
Shovelwarewolf: [Laughs manically]
Santa: [Gasp]
Shovelwarewolf: This game really is fun, once you start taking hostages!
[CLANG]
[Clatter of tray falling to the floor]
Shovelwarewolf: No! Please! You can't leave this garbage with me! [Santa Ho Ho Ho'ing in the background]
Shovelwarewolf: Give it to some unfortunate kid!
Shovelwarewolf: Get back here you coward!
Santa: Don't worry Ivan, I'll be back next year! Ho Ho Ho!
Shovelwarewolf: NOOO!
Santa: Merry Christmas!
Shovelwarewolf: That's it. I'm celebrating Hanukkah next year.
[Shovelwarewolf music plays]
Nate: Hey Santa!
Peter: [Laughing]