Hi, I'm Nicholeen Peck and I teach parenting through the lens of self-government. I coach people
all over the world and in this video I'm going to be talking about how to become a parenting coach.
When times get hard, people worry about what is closest to them which is their families. They
want stability, they want security. You're probably seeing that and feeling that which is why you're
looking at this video in the first place because you want to help people. You want to be a parenting
coach and give people the things that they need for success. Well I've got some gems that you can
share with people and I also want to explain the best way to coach some people as well. So
in this video I'm going to be sharing with you my coaching program and some key things that you can
do as you're trying to help some of your friends along their parenting journey. If you feel called
to help families during these hard times where families have been hit economically and there's
been sickness and there's been all these problems that people are facing, you are not alone. There are
so many people that are wanting to help families right now. I've been helping families for well
over 20 years at this point. I've been teaching families self-government. I never thought I would.
I actually thought I was just going to mind my own business trying to be the best mom that I could be
and then suddenly I ended up doing treatment foster care and then suddenly I ended up speaking
around places about parenting and I thought it would be short-lived and then suddenly the BBC
made a documentary of my family and then it was never going to end. So then I had to write books,
I've written 11 books about parenting and I teach people things that you don't
get in other parenting programs. I teach people skills that they need for success.
Many people understand the principles that they want in their parenting but their practices
or their behavior as parents don't necessarily match and I know many of us see that. Some people
can find the practices to and the principles that match all on their own but there are many
people that struggle and they need someone to break it down for them, especially some of our
younger parents nowadays. The younger parents have been raised with a lot more entitlement.
They are a lot more acutely aware of their feelings and don't necessarily pay attention to
how their behavior is impacting their feelings. So they feel disempowered lots of times, overwhelmed,
stressed and they don't know how to pick themselves up and get going because our society
did not give that to them. Instead everyone was plugged in when they were going through their
adolescent years which is when they should have been learning how to handle some of these kinds of
life problems. So do people need coaching? 100% but they need sound coaching, they need principles and
practices that are based upon principles. Not just tricks and tactics which is what a lot of people
do. So, we have to be very careful that when we're coaching people. We don't just tell them some trick
that worked for us because one trick that works for one child may not work for somebody else but a
principle is broadly applicable and it will always work in every circumstance. In the end it will do
the teaching. So that's why I teach principle and principle based skills so that people can
always hold on to them in any circumstance. In 2009 when the BBC contacted me and asked me to
be on the program The World's Strictest Parents, they tried to psych me out a little. They said
oh we're bringing you these kids and they're so bad and they have all these problems and I said
honestly there's nothing that's going to surprise me. There's nothing I have not handled or I'm not
prepared for and they probably thought that I had a little bit too much confidence but the
truth was I'd been doing treatment foster care for troubled teens for years and there was pretty
much no behavior that I had not seen before. So I did have confidence and I also knew that I had
all the skills needed to handle any circumstance and then no matter what those teens would throw at
me, I knew what I was gonna say and do next because I had a whole quiver of skills and principles
that I could utilize that would help them have a change of heart. So what I teach is self-government.
Self-government is all about having a change of heart. The definition of self-government is being
able to determine the cause and effect of any given situation and possessing a knowledge of your
own behaviors so that you can control them. This means that you choose to change your own behavior
because you choose to have a change of heart. So that's what I teach and if you would like to teach
what I teach then let's talk about how to do it. Before I talk about teaching what I'm teaching and
how to really be a good parenting coach to other people, click that subscribe button now. There are
so many great videos here on this channel that you are not going to want to miss. They will help you
learn more and more as you start diving into the world of self-government. Click subscribe
now. Okay so when a parent teaches their child self-government, it's actually impossible unless
they are learning self-government too. So the type of coaching that I give is whole family coaching.
It's not just what one parent does to their child. If you're coaching someone on something
they can do to their child, that's called manipulation and it is meant to evoke some
sort of emotional response, maybe fear, maybe that they feel bad about themselves, something like that
but that's all manipulation. Good parenting, good teaching should be done in a way that is calm,
predictable, that everybody knows how it's going to happen ahead of time and there's a place and a way
to hold ourselves accountable as parents and as children. So, my teaching self-government parenting
system incorporates all of those things and I don't just tell people tricks that they can do to
control their children. The children need to choose self-government. Do you know every person makes a
choice? You can't make someone choose a certain thing, that's the whole nature of choice. So if
we understand everyone has a choice, we trust that they want to make good choices especially because
that's how we're trying to raise them, then we just give them the skills and the principles they need
and gently guide them toward those choices. When I say gentle that doesn't mean we don't correct
because we absolutely must correct but corrections can be done in a gentle, calm and loving way even
if they are firm and consistent as well. That's usually the balance that people struggle with.
How do you be firm and consistent and also be kind and gentle and loving and understanding?
Well it's totally possible but you have to make sure that you're not in a stressed part of your
brain or you can't do it. If you go to mid brain or back brain, those are stress parts of your brain
then what happens is you end up starting to panic and when you panic, you turn to manipulation,
you turn to emotion because those are emotional parts of your brain. One key thing that you can
do to not have emotion in your parenting is know the words to say. This means that even
though it goes against what I wanted to do at the very beginning of teaching parenting to people,
I actually give people scripts to say. When I first started teaching parenting at conferences,
people would say okay but what do I say instead? I don't know what else to say and I would say well
I don't want to tell you what to say but this is what I say and they'd say yeah that's what I want
to say and then I realized that that's exactly what people need. They need to know what to say.
If you don't give them the exact words to say, they're going to keep saying the old things
or they might try to create some new idea in their head but it could trend toward emotion
depending on where they're at when they decide upon the words that they're going to say or the
action that they're going to take. Good parenting is pre-planned, that means the person decides ahead
of time I will handle it like this, I will say it like this and they tell it to their child too
and that holds them accountable and the child accountable. Also, there's meetings that take place
where the whole family can evaluate how it's going and the direction they're heading as a family unit
which is super powerful. So, do you want to know how to learn the teaching self-government system?
There are a couple of different ways that you can start. The best way if you can get there sometimes
we do them online but if you can get to one of the live ones, the best way is to come to one of
my three-day teaching self-government parenting mastery trainings. I do them a few times a year, I
limit the size of groups of people that can come. You can come with your spouse and you can learn
together and so you can start implementing the skills like how to follow instructions, accept "no"
answers, accept consequences, disagree appropriately, do effective corrections, intensive teachings.
All of these different things, you can start applying in your home with your spouse because
you've got to start living it. You can't coach somebody on something you don't really know
and I think that's the thing. A lot of therapists, they're like oh that's really extreme. I don't
know. I mean at my house my kid doesn't do that so try this and and then they're not
actually giving something that really has been proven. I've worked with the hardest children
that my state has to offer. I've taken in two unruly British teens and within days they were
changed in my home on TV. I know what works, I know the skills and I'm happy to teach them
but it does take a little bit of time. It takes three days to learn them, it's 24 hours of training.
Now if you can't make it to one of those three day trainings because maybe it's not going to work in
your schedule or something like that then there is an online course. It's called the TSG parenting
course and it's on teachingselfgovernment.com. Go to teachingselfgovernment.com, go to the shopping
page, find that online parenting course and that will give you 21 hours of training. You will get
four coaching calls to help you get on track. Also you can ask me questions on a support group too.
For every week afterwards, you get a trial membership of that and then if you want to
stay on it you can. That is the next best way. Now after you either go to the three day training
which is three days start to finish plus you get six months to ask me questions after that
or you do the online training and you get the coaching calls and you go through that program
then if you want to, you can take the training that I have to become a teaching self-government mentor.
I call it mentor instead of coach because I do feel like that that's really at the heart of
it. We're really just trying to help mentor somebody along, help them become the leader,
not me become the leader. Every parent is the leader of their own home and they need someone
to empower them in that direction and that's what the teaching self-government mentors do.
Once you're a teaching self-government mentor, you actually have the opportunity where you can work
for me. You can mentor people for our company, they can contact you and answer get their questions
answered. You can speak at different places, you can coach people, there are a lot of different
opportunities that you have once you become a teaching self-government mentor. So if you
would like to start your journey to coaching parents then go to teachingselfgovernment.com.
Go to events and see when the next parenting mastery training is going to happen and sign up
and then if that's not going to work, go to the store and look for the course. Get started on the
course. You can even make payments on these things if you need to, they're not very expensive but if
you need to, I want people all over the world to teach self-government because self-government is
actually the recipe for personal freedom, freedom for families and freedom for all of our societies.
Go to teachingselfgovernment.com today. I can't wait to get to know you.