These are my "Bad Mom" confessions.
Yeah.
I mean, there are so many.
Be vulnerable.
There was this one time my son was crying so hard
and I didn't know what was the matter--
I didn't know what was the problem.
I was looking at all of his digits.
And I had no idea.
I was like, is he fed.
Is the like-- you know, what's happening?
And I opened up his diaper and one of my hairs
has wound itself around this situation.
[APPLAUSE]
Almost castrated the son.
Anyway, that was good times.
That felt good.
Hopefully he doesn't see this.
Happy birthday, Leonard.
11 years old.
There was another time I want to do like a spa--
have like a spa time with him in the tub.
I think I told you guys this.
It was like, oh, we're gonna-- this is gonna be a coziest,
like, bed time ever.
I'm gonna dim the lights, have candles.
It's gonna be a lavender bath--
Such high expectations.
It was like just high expectations, exactly.
Didn't know that you shouldn't use like a straight lavender
oil, like that it should be diffused.
Oh, so you did know.
Well, because it burns.
Well, they sat in-- yes.
Yes.
Literally, they like that in it.
It was so relaxing for two seconds.
Then, all of a sudden, it was like, bloody murder.
Yeah.
Literally grabbing frozen washcloths and putting-- anyway
that was a fun night too.