Should Black people be allowed to talk about Scottish history?
It's not the type of question that I normally ask on this channel, but a couple of weeks ago
I published a video called 'The Forgotten Kings of Scotland', which got an interesting
comment. In this video, I'm going to tell you what it was, and who's allowed to be Scottish.
If you're interested in the people, places and events in Scottish history, then click the
subscribe button at the bottom right hand side of the screen. In the meantime, let me tell you a story.
The title, 'The Forgotten Kings of Scotland', and my question, "Should Black people talk about Scottish
History", may already have triggered an emotional response, but that's interesting in itself isn't it?
The video wasn't about forgotten Black people in Scottish history, it was about the Normanisation
of Celtic Scotland. Now I think that's an interesting part of our history, and I'll
leave a link at the end, to the video that I'm talking about, but what was also interesting,
was a comment left by a guy called Walter Strand. Now for some reason that comment's now disappeared,
but Mr Strand said, "Scottish history from a non-white, oh the irony". Now I don't know what was
in Walter Strand's head; non-whites are taking over, which makes it ironic that one of them is talking
about Celtic culture being overtaken by Norman, possibly, or non-whites shouldn't be allowed to
talk about Scottish history in any circumstances. As I say, I'm not inside the man's head,
but should Black people be allowed to talk about Scottish history? Even if they're not totally
Black, what if they're just tainted so as to be non-white, that's enough to disqualify them surely?
Let me know what you think in the comments section below. I've watched numerous telly programmes, where
white folks talk about the history of Africa, the West Indies, Asia, name your brown region of choice.
I've seen posh white presenters go to my dad's country of Ghana to make documentaries. Did
anyone question it? I'm sure not Walter Strand. Now it may be, that from time to time, white folks have
secret meetings that we are not invited to, where they do ask these deep philosophical questions.
Maybe that's where my mum went on a Tuesday night when she said she was playing bridge.
The thing is, my Ghanaian dad, means that our racist pal Walter correctly identified that I'm non white,
but my Scottish mum means that I'm equally non-Black. Maybe that's why I could never choose sides when my
mates were playing chess! Now I'm not complaining about white folk making documentaries about Ghana.
There are loads of white folk that know way more about Ghana than me.
I could learn from them. They've studied the history, they've lived in the country, they've
worked in the country, they eat fufu and drink akpeteshie. I hope they don't drink akpeteshie. The
thing is, all I've got is DNA, and I'm not entirely sure that that's a good enough qualification.
The thing is, I'm not an historian, but Walter Strand seemed to be saying that I could be an historian, I
could be born in Scotland, speak with a Scottish accent, be steeped in Scottish culture, perform
Robert Burns, learn to speak Gaelic, very badly, I could drink Irn Bru, eat deep-fried Mars Bars (we don't),
but none of these things count, if I have a suntan.
Now this isn't a woe is me video. As of the 17th April 2021, there are at least 6 000 YouTube
subscribers who think it's okay for me, and my non-whiteness to talk about Scottish history.
What's way more interesting than my insignificant life experience, is the philosophical question.
You see, the video before that one was called 'Why Scottish and American
People See History Differently'. In it I try to address a similar question.
Lots of Americans and Canadians, Australians blah blah blah blah blah,
they subscribe to this channel, and thank you, I love you all. They talk passionately about
Scotland and its history, but they've never been here. Some Scots, understandably, find that weird,
although Walter Strand didn't seem to find that ironic in the least,
but there are those typically white Americans, who just want to be allowed to feel Scottish and for
very different reasons, I understand that. So it got me asking the question, "What makes you Scottish?"
It's in the genes stupid! Modern day DNA tests give all sorts of information. My international
friends from America, Canada, Australia, wherever, they tell me in the comment section, that their
DNA shows that they're 63% Scottish, or 86% Scottish, but they've never eaten square sausage! Seriously?
You can't be more than 46% Scottish in my book. That's right, I wrote a book. It's called 'The
Analysis of Genetic Inheritance and the Square Sausage in the Scottish Diaspora'.
I'll be honest, sales haven't been great, and the peer reviews have been worse,
but I stand by my research. In it, I built on the established fact, that the genetic
difference between humans is minuscule, about 0.1 percent. There's a bigger genetic difference
within the white population, than there is genetic difference between Black people
and white people. It's about time that racists realised that, and started harassing the Welsh.
Don't worry Bryndlay, Dai Boy, Rhys Abassano, it's not you I'm talking about.
In a way, DNA seems an irrational and arbitrary way of determining nationality in the first place.
Think about it, there are loads of genetic differences that you could use to identify people;
tongue rolling is a genetic trait, earlobes are a genetic trait, whether you're male or
female is a genetic trait, although there's a bit of dubious prejudice about that one too.
Thankfully I came on the right side of that one,
obviously, women can't be Scottish, at least not the ones that shave! Can you imagine if you were Black,
and a woman and you had massive earlobes! You'd never be allowed to talk about Scottish history.
Actually, in my acclaimed second book, 'Transatlantic Cultural Influence in the Haggis Supper',
I laid out the Venn diagram of Scottishness, but I'm going to reveal it to you here today for free.
That's right, free, gratis and for nothing. That's the black bit of me talking now you see!
You know about Venn diagrams don't you? A rectangular box illustrates the universal set.
Now everyone in the world is in that, for example, you look at the view behind me
everyone in the world would agree that that's beautiful. They fit into the universal set,
but there's a similar group, a smaller group, like me, who know that this is where they belong,
because they're from Perth. So what makes you Scottish?
I could play rugby football for Scotland, assuming I was good enough, but it's not just me.
According to Scottish Rugby Union, anyone who was born in Scotland is Scottish, or if one of their
parents were born in Scotland, they're Scottish, or if one of their grandparents were born in Scotland,
their Scot .. in fact if you've lived in Scotland for three years, you're Scottish.
Any one of these groups, is deemed Scottish. I'll be honest, I don't buy the three years thing.
Some people, like me, are members of all four groups; the super jockety, jock, jock, jock, jock Scottish people.
Association football's similar, but slightly tighter restrictions on residency,
and the first time a Black guy played association football for Scotland was?
That's right, Andrew Watson, on the 12th of March 1881, against England.
Not only did this Black man play, he was Captain. I wonder if Walter Strand would have seen the irony?
Incidentally, Scotland won six - one. You can just see the Captain giving it, whatever's Black people
speak for 'Get it up ye'. Folks in the UK'll remember John Barnes, fantastic footballer, played for Liverpool
and England. Barnes was born in Jamaica in 1963 and he came to the UK when he was 12, so he qualified
to play for any one of the four home nations' teams. He wasn't just English, he was Scottish, Welsh and
Northern Irish as well. I've got a feeling we would have found somewhere for him in that Venn diagram.
Barnes later said, "the only reason I played for England, was because they were the first to ask".
If Scotland had asked first, you go and play for Scotland. That doesn't sound very Scottish to me.
John Barnes didn't want to be Scottish, he wanted to be an international footballer.
See me, I think being Scottish is way deeper than that, for me it's something right down inside of you.
Most people who comment on my videos aren't like Walter Strand. They say that they enjoy watching
the videos specifically because I clearly have an enthusiasm for our country, and its history,
but without that, I don't think you really can be Scottish. Everyone has emotional triggers (sound of bagpipes playing 'Flower of Scotland))
Gavin Hastings will kick through on both stages
If you're Scottish, then you would have been emotionally triggered by these things. Now
they may not elicit the same emotions in all of us, but no Scottish person was going ... hmmm naaa.
This video is due to go out in the 17th of April, that's the day
after the anniversary of Culloden. Now I'm not suggesting that it was Scots against English,
and Jacobites went into battle beating tartan shortbread tins, I'm not stupid,
but just the mention of that place, brings a whole variety of emotional responses that resonate, even
300 years later. Here's the thing, did you know that the first person to be arrested for wearing tartan,
when it was banned after Culloden was Black? Aye, what you gonna do with that information?
How are you gonna process that eh? Take that down the psychiatry workshop and head repair
factory, and they'll say, sorry mate that mind's blown completely. That'll never be the same again.
What we could do is try a full racism reboot, but that's going to cost, and it doesn't always
work. To be honest, sometimes when we try the full racism reboot, it affects the cognitive abilities,
the critical reasoning, and folks start talking pish. In fact, I even saw one really bad case where ... eeeww
I'm just saying, there are risks! What about accent, does accent make you Scottish?
Some transatlantic viewers have commented that they need subtitles for me, which is funny because
I dinnae (don't) speak with an accent! I ken (know) sometimes I have to change my accent and kind of anglicize
it a wee bit, because if I spoke the way that spoke in the hoose (house) then jings, crivvens, helped ma boab (oh my goodness)! Ho ho ho ho ho!
In fact, there's no such thing as a Scottish accent. I remember the first time my now wife
took me to visit her relatives in Fraserburgh. I have no idea what language they were speaking,
but I'd never heard it before. Apparently it makes you better at catching fish! Who knew?
It seems to me, that your accent, your response to those emotional triggers, and where your heart lies
are far more important in deciding whether you're Scottish than some minuscule genetic difference.
Real Scottish people know, a man's a man for all that. Just as I was thinking
there are too many factors to impact on whether you're Scottish to have a single definition, I
realise that there's an internationally agreed method of deciding your nationality. As I travel
the world I carry a passport, in fact I've got two passports; I have a British passport, and I have a
Republic of Ghana passport. Now obviously if I want a visa to actually go somewhere, I use the British
passport, I'm not stupid, but I still carry a Ghana passport, just in case I'm in a hostage situation,
because you wouldn't want to carry a British passport in a situation like that would you?
I might end up getting caught up with the white folks, we don't want that, but if I turn up at New
York JFK airport and go to passport control and they say nationality, and I say Scottish, passport, ah haaa,
actually well .. it's .. let me explain. We don't have passports as such,
but I do have a cold roll and square sausage in my rucksack is that .. no no no no no it's
not Arabic, it's Gaelic, no trust me, I've got loads of distant cousins over here, you should see what
they comment on my YouTube channel, honestly, no it's a real country, we've got a rugby team
and everything, you should visit for three years, you'd probably get a game.
What does it take to be Scottish? I'm not gonna ... no I am, I'm gonna get pelters for this right, but let
the cards fall where they will. There's no such thing as being Scottish when you're crossing a border.
It's not just getting into places it's getting out as well. You have to show your passport at the
airport to get on the flight in the first place. Think about that. If you want to go
on holiday, a business trip, a conference, you have to give up your Scottishness before you leave.
So long as Scottish people insist on being Scottish, they're not allowed to leave this
island. Now don't get me wrong, sometimes we travel in lots of small groups undetected, we pretend to
be British just to get out of the country, and then into another one, but when we get there, we put
on kilts and 'See you Jimmy' hats, sing songs and go out on the pish (drinking), but we've got to do it undercover.
Have you ever tried to fill in a website form, with one of those drop down nationality menus? Scottish
doesn't exist. You could choose UK, no but I'm Scottish. Ah ha ha, that's not permitted as an option, no, but
I am Scottish. There's no such thing, you have to be British, no no no but I'm Scottish. Look do you want
the Amazon parcel or not? So I'm not whining about Walter Strand not letting me be Scottish, he's the
least of my problems. There's a whole integrated system of border controls, websites, electronic
exchanges and every form of record keeping in 21st Century living that conspire against me calling myself
Scottish. Irrespective of the colour of my skin, in 2021 neither I nor anyone else can
go through an airport in Scotland claiming to be Scottish. Now that Walter Strand is f**king ironic!
The video that was the root cause of this rant, and indeed to this whole state of affairs,
is on screen here. Tha mi an dochas gum bith lath math leibh. Tiorridh an drasda.