- [Interviewer] Alicia, you're out here,
homeless, Venice Beach.
Tell me about it.
- Yes, I've been out here two years.
Because I paid rent, my whole adult life,
and never in my wildest dreams,
would I think that I would've ended up here,
pushing a stroller with my animals.
But I did, because I was in a relationship,
where I allowed someone to use me.
And when I paid my last dollar, he left me.
Here I sit, and I sleep, on the street
that I lived on for 17 years, in an apartment.
Because I, I don't know, I didn't know where else to go.
It's the worst thing.
I've had a lot of bad things happen in my lifetime,
but this is really the hardest
and like, a no way out situation.
It's kinda hopeless, and I really feel like I'm dead.
Because every day-to-day, is not, you know, alive.
You just wake up, and wait for it to be over,
so you can do it all over again.
It's horrible.
- [Interviewer] You were saying
that you don't know how to be homeless.
- I don't, I either have nothing,
which I've had many a time,
that only the clothes on my back.
Or too much stuff, which I just push around
because I'm so tired to...
You know, I have a few things here and there.
I don't know, am I packing for a trip?
Like I'm going on vacation.
I don't know how to do this.
And your stuff always gets stolen anyways.
Or the city, every Friday,
they handcuff you and take your stuff,
if you don't get out of their way.
- [Interviewer] They handcuff you?
- Yeah, they take everything--
- [Interviewer] Or if they don't get out of--
- They don't always handcuff you, but I've been handcuffed,
and they took everything I had.
That's their cleanup, they clean up, every Friday morning.
- [Interviewer] Right.
- Then when it rains,
that's the only time they really come and torture you.
Because when you're trying to stay dry,
(chuckling) they don't allow that.
So, you're either invisible, or an eyesore.
Everybody just wants you to go.
Or they don't see you.
Say they're handing out stuff, you might be there,
but they're not handing out anything to you (laughing).
You know, like the free drinks and stuff, or whatever.
Wherever you go, or nobody sees you.
You say hello, and no one sees you.
- [Interviewer] How do you survive out here?
- I don't (sighing), I don't know, it's hard.
You have to, you know,
it's just the whole day is about that.
Getting through the day, whatever you need.
As far as food, and stuff, you just have to,
if you've used up any resources that you might have,
then you have to just look for it.
And it's, there's so many people out here,
it's hard to come by.
Even though thousands of people come here, it's not easy.
Last year, even in a year's time,
it was easier last year, than it is now.
Now, everyone's looking for the same thing.
- [Interviewer] Homelessness getting worse?
- Yes, oh, absolutely.
- [Interviewer] It breaks my heart that you're sleeping
on the same street, that.
When I was homeless,
I actually went to where I felt the most comfortable,
which is where I used to live.
Same thing.
- I lived right down the street.
The beach, which was my heaven, is now kinda my hell.
It really is.
As grateful as I am to be here, and not Skid Row,
it's still, it really is hell (chuckling).
I have a 16 year-old cat, and a nine year-old dog.
- [Interviewer] It's your life?
It would be a lot easier if it was just me,
but they actually, they're a blessing,
because without them, I don't know how I would do it.
- [Interviewer] What was your first night, homeless, like?
- Oh hell, well last year,
I cried all day and all night, everyday.
That's why they call me crybaby.
It was awful, I rode back to my old house.
I didn't know what to do.
And then you can't go to sleep,
Because I was scared to go to sleep.
I didn't actually sleep, until this one guy,
who kind of befriended me, sort of,
he recycled, and he'd let me sleep, while he stayed awake.
So, you know, there's that.
But I used to not even have a tent,
so I would just lay there.
You'd always have to have one eye open.
I couldn't just totally go to sleep.
- [Interviewer] What would you want people
to know about homelessness, that they probably don't know?
- That (sighing) there are many different reasons
why people are out here,
but, we're still human beings.
They don't even have to...
It's not about because I want them
to give me something, or anything,
but even sometimes, just to acknowledge,
you know, if you're passing, or even just a smile.
Don't even have to do that.
But know that everybody, it's not just one group,
and it's a complex problem to solve.
I don't know what the answer is,
but just having people go away, isn't the solution.
It's not.
And if they only knew how awful it is,
because you're really persecuted.
People automatically, that when I was first,
the very first night, I was hated because I was homeless.
And I thought, well, yesterday
I was like you guys (laughing).
Just, I guess, to be more compassionate.
And there are very, there are kind people, and blessings.
I do notice them, but it's so overshadowed most of the time
by all the negativity, and it's hard.
You can't be anywhere, you can't rest,
you can't do anything.
They just want you to go.
Go over there, you're blocking a sidewalk.
And I physically, I'm 54 years old.
I can't, it's too much on me.
It's hard, it's taking a toll.
Now, I'm just so exhausted, I could barely even...
I used to leave everyday, and now I can barely do that.
- [Interviewer] You were saying
if people just spent two days out here, they'd change.
- I think they would see it a lot differently,
or at least have a little bit of compassion.
Or maybe help think of a solution,
rather than just disappear.
Because it's just, it's unbearable.
For me, anyways.
There are people, and they're mostly younger,
it's a party, their in their twenties, or younger.
- [Interviewer] But that's always been Venice culture.
- Yes, and you know, and passing through.
But there's a lot of mix in between too,
and there's even people with children.
There's a few that have a baby.
But now I know, if I had the opportunity
to have like a Section 8,
or whatever, just for starters, I could pull it off.
I could totally be a success story.
'Cause I always paid rent, no matter what.
- [Interviewer] But you need somebody to offer you
the housing, in the Section 8.
- Yeah, the opportunity.
- [Interviewer] The wait list in--
- It's years, and you know, yeah, so there is there.
And I don't know that I can stay out here.
I feel like, I never believed in killing myself,
but I (sighing) I've thinked about it all the time.
Because it's just, it's unbearable.
Waking up every day, and it's like the walk to nowhere.
You're just killing time.
That's it.
That's one of the hardest parts,
besides moving your stuff back and forth, all the time,
is the walk to nowhere, for me, anyways.
- [Interviewer] The walk to nowhere.
- Yep (sobbing).
- [Interviewer] If you had three wishes, what would they be?
(sobbing)
Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, I don't know.
I'd probably (sobbing) wish something for my daughter,
instead of myself.
(dog barking)
I don't know.
Well one of them definitely,
is to not be homeless (laughing),
so I can have my life back,
while I still have time, and try and correct these things.
The other two wishes,
I'd have to get back to you on that (laughing).
But yeah, to get out of this situation, while I still can.
- [Interviewer] And people need to help you do that.
- Yeah, like I said, I don't know what the solution is,
because the shelter, nobody wants a shelter
in their neighborhood, that kind of thing.
And I don't wanna go to the shelter anyways.
I just need an opportunity.
There's a building right over there
that's a Section 8 building.
Because I only have $220 cash, a month,
but I could do it, no problem.
And then you know, and then go back to work, and so forth.
- [Interviewer] So if there was a path out of homelessness,
you'd take it?
- Yes, I would.
If I had an opportunity like that, yeah, I would.
But I don't wanna go to like some city far away,
to a shelter or where, whatever.
I have animals and you gotta leave everyday,
what's the point in that?
And that's like a wish.
That I wish I had that opportunity to just have the path,
you know and, I don't know,
or had a housing opportunity.
But there's not enough of them.
So we'll see what happens.
Meanwhile, though, there's no place of storage.
If you could store your stuff, that would take a load,
that could change a lot of things, too, for people.
(coughing) It's hard to push around
all your belongings, everyday.
- [Interviewer] Thank you very much for talking to me.
- Oh, you're welcome, thank you.
Thank you for hearing me.
(mellow music)