Hello little buns, it is Stef, welcome back to my home!
This is going to be another in my trans education series, alright, so let's just get started
here.
I wanted to talk to you a bit about trans sexuality and I do not mean the incorrect
term for transgender, which is transsexual, which I will address in a minute.
I mean the sexuality of trans people.
The number one thing that you have to understand, that a lot of people still don't understand,
is that gender identity, or gender as a whole, and sexuality are completely unrelated.
And I find I see a lot of the time, people are confused when they talk about trans people
because they're like, "well, who do they sleep with?", and like, that doesn't matter, okay?
The truth is, you can be trans or cis, it has nothing to do with who you sleep with.
Your gender or gender identity have nothing to do with anybody but yourself.
Okay, so you can be a trans woman AND a lesbian.
You can be a trans woman AND be straight.
You can be a trans woman and be bisexual, pansexual, whatever!
You can be anything.
It's completely unrelated to your gender identity and often is not even influenced by it.
I think what a lot of people that don't understand trans people are afraid of is this sexual
mist that hangs over this discussion on trans people that is completely irrelevant.
And that is why I don't like the term 'transsexual', because it implies there is something sexual
about a trans person's trans life.
And yes, of course, we have sex, we're sexual beings, but we're no more sexual than a cisgender
person is.
There's nothing sexual about my transition, there's nothing sexual about me as a trans
person, that's got nothing to do with it!
And you know what, I'm gonna let people that wanna use that term, I'm gonna let them use
it on themselves, but if I see a cis person refer to us as a whole as transsexuals, I'm
gonna be like "no listen", we're transgender.
Because it needs to be understood that gender and sexuality are completely separate and
unrelated.
Okay?
A lot like church and state are SUPPOSED to be.
(tongue pops) Oh!
So now that you understand that, let me tell you about trans sexuality.
Like I said before, trans people can be any form of sexuality, okay, it doesn't have to
be a certain binary sexualiy, it can be any attraction!
I, myself, have so far only been attracted to men so I am a straight trans woman.
I have many lesbian trans woman friends, I have many bisexual trans woman friends, and
these are all valid people and like I said before, their sexuality has nothing to do
with their gender, okay, because if that were the case, we would all be the same sexuality
and we're not, so... thanks.
My sexual interests and sexuality are very much the same as a cisgender woman, it's no
different, there's nothing about my transness that would make my sexuality different, however,
of course with the effects of hormones and having different anatomy from a cis woman
there's going to be differences, okay, so let me tell you about the changes that hormone
replacement therapy has brought about in my sexual life, alright?
MOM, brace yourself.
Thanks.
It's also worth mentioning you should not be randomly asking trans people about their
sexuality, this is something that I'm choosing to speak about on an educational level, so
just because I'm talking about it does not mean all trans people are gonna wanna talk
about their genitals or their sexuality, okay?
Thanks.
A common effect that hormone replacement therapy has on trans women is genital shrinkage, and
for a lot of us this is a great thing because it means we can tuck easier, we can fit into
garments easier, it's just a better thing for us.
I personally am not offended by my genital shrinkage, okay, I don't give a shit because
it's not gonna be there in two years anyway, alright?
Some trans women are okay with using their anatomy in sexual pursuits, every trans woman
is different of course, some trans women like to have a more active role, some women like
to have a more...
"traditional" role... (frustrated grunt) It's hard to talk about because, (tongue pop),
there's so many layers, it's like an onion, it's like Shrek, ogres, alright?
What you have to understand about trans women and sexuality or even trans men and sexuality
is that every single person is going to be different.
So if you experience a sexual experience with one trans person, the next trans person is
not going to be the same, just like any cisgender relationship, it's not gonna be the exact
same.
So what I would say to you if you are pursuing a trans person or if you are becoming intimate
with a trans person is be aware that they will most likely want to be pleasured, okay,
and that does not mean that you have to do everything in the book.
It means have a conversation, see what they want out of it, see what you're comfortable
doing, if you're new to this and you're not a chaser, god bless you, you're probably going
to be a little bit like, "I don't know what I want, I don't know what I want", but if
you're attracted to this person, you're probably going to want to bring them pleasure in some
form, so don't feel like you have to dive in right away and start doing things that
you've never done before, okay, because I guaruntee you that is not what is expected
of you, alright, just have a conversation with the person that you want to become intimate
with, and you know, figure out if there's anything they don't want to be called, or
any body part they don't want touched, or any body part that they don't want to be called
a certain thing, it's really a lot less complicated than it sounds, just say, "Is there anything
that makes you uncomfortable?", you don't have to say "if I touch this, will you be
uncomfortable?", just say "Is there anything that would make you uncomfortable, that I
should not do?", and that should cover the base, they should interpret that as a way
to express anything that they're not comfortable with to you, alright?
Backpedalling to the effects of HRT, a lot of trans women experience...
I guess you could call it libido failure, I don't know...
A very big drop in sex drive, at some point during their hormone replacement therapy,
that does not mean every trans woman is going to get that, some do not.
I feel like I'm hitting that right now, and since I've started, my sexuality and libido
have been changing, I'm more interested in different things...
disclaimer, Mom, do not listen to this part, just skip a minute ahead or something, just...
please.
Before my transition, I was very, very...
I had a lot of sex with a lot of different people, okay, and I do not endorse this behaviour
necessarily, if you're being safe, that's fine, whatever.
But for me it wasn't fulfilling, it wasn't sincere.
There are even some things that I really wish did not happen, and I've been tested, everything
is fine.
But before I transitioned sex was like this thing that I used to pass the time, or this
thing that I did because my body wanted me to, and now that I'm on hormone replacement
therapy, and a lot of trans women will explain this to you the same way: Intimacy feels more
real.
It feels *right*, and that could be because we're with people that see us as women, it
could be because we are changing inside chemically but I know that any kind of intimate anything,
even a hug, it brings me internal happiness, whereas before it was kind of like, "well
I've gotta do this", and I felt shame after, I felt guilt after, and I don't have that
anymore, which is fantastic, I'm happy about it, thank you!
So if you are with somebody who is transitioning and you are sexually active with them you
may see changes occur as time goes on, don't feel like that has anything to do with you
because 9 times out of 10 it will not have anything to do with you.
It's because hormones are chemically altering our body and what we desire and everything
like that, so... expect changes in a trans partner and if you're trans and you're going
to be on HRT soon, expect changes in your sex drive, okay?
In general I've just become more interested in tenderness...
I don't know, but the shift has gone from aggressive to intimate, alright, and I think
that's pretty significant because in general testosterone is an aggressive hormone... in
general my aggressiveness has decreased, but my happiness and sincerity has inceased and
I feel like that pattern is also relevant in terms of sexuality, alright?
As usual, every trans experience is different so this may not apply to everbody, but in
general this is going to be a helpful thing for you, and I hope that some of the knowledge
that you may have learned, you retain in your future interactions with trans people or possibly
future sexual interactions with trans people.
Before we go, I have to completely clear up the myth that hormones make a trans woman
unable to perform, that is not true.
That is something a lot of chasers like to think because they don't want their "t-girls"
or whatever getting on hormones and their penis shrinking, okay, but um, that is not
true, okay, it's just a different shift in sexuality.
Don't listen to the people that are telling you you're not going to be able to function,
and I should also touch on the post-op side of this.
I am pre-op, of course, I've only been transitioning for five or six months, so I cannot speak
to the post-op side of this but I can promise you that post-op trans women are completely
able to perform unless you had a botched surgery which is EXTREMELY RARE if you go to the right
doctor, you're going to be able to perform just fine.
Don't listen to the people that will tell you "your genitals are mutilated and you will
never be able to feel pleasure ever again", because it's not true, okay, it's not true.
And part of the reason I selected the doctor that I'm going to be going to, is because
his method is different from the others.
If you want to look that up his name is Dr. Suporn and his method creates a much more
sensitive and reactive result, okay?
And that's not saying that other doctors do not create similar, sensitive, reactive results
if you know what I mean, it's just that that is the one that I feel most comfortable trusting.
The bottom line is, do not listen to people that tell you your sex life will suck after
SRS, or whatever you want to call it.
Because it's not true.
Everybody's different, but the surgery for trans women, SRS for trans women creates a
perfectly functional, okay, vagina, alright..
Great, thanks, thanks for listening.
Until next time, I will see you all again very very soon!
Please let me know if you have any respectful questions down in the comments and I will
see if I can get to you, if not maybe some of the other community from the breadsquad
can answer your questions, any trans people up in here can answer your questions maybe
we'll see, we'll see!
Just let us know what questions you have, okay?
I love you all SO SO much and I will see you again very soon, (gasp) oh my god until next
time just you know be cool, be chill, be calm, it's all good, it's all okay, everything is
gonna be fine.
How do trans women change their voice, and if I am a trans woman - that's you!
- how do I change my voice?
The misconception here is that hormone replacement therapy is going to change your voice.
For transgender men, that is the case, testosterone thickens your vocal -