hey guys welcome back thank you for joining me for another video so this
week with everything that's going on I want to talk about obsessive thinking so
I've been getting a lot of messages and even with my private clients you know
with all of this time on our hands we have time to obsessively think about
past relationships we have time to kind of ponder and wonder like what went
wrong and what happened and what did I do and especially when we're obsessively
thinking about an ex or a past relationship and we know we're over it
you know like you know that place where you're kind of you know you shouldn't be
with this person you're you've really accepted it maybe
not fully but you're in a good spot with it and you just are thinking about them
all the time so I want to dive into this and I want to talk about more
specifically why we do this now like always before we get into it if you have
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yourself during this time because we have the time let's just be frank so now
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of that information so let's get right into this week's video so right off the
bat when we are obsessively thinking what we're doing is we're in an
excessive persistent state of you know visualizing this person thinking about
something and we know that it's really not an adventure best interest to be
doing it but it's we just can't stop ourselves from doing it when we can't
stop ourselves from doing something that means that you have now fallen asleep
you are now completely unconscious to what it is you're actually doing and
you're going off of programming you're going off of just an unconscious way of
thinking right you're letting your mind wander you're falling into habitual
addictions right now obsessively thinking about something that's an
addiction and a lot of the times when I coach people or talk to people or
anywhere where I talk about this kind of when we are obsessing about an axe it's
for one or two reasons number one we're bored I know that sounds kind of crazy
but when you're bored in your life or when there's no one in sight your mind
wants to gravitate towards something now if we had a great life happening for
ourselves we were dating this new person and we're excited about this situation
or were excited about our own lives then we're going to be in that feeling of
feeling good about what's going on with us maybe we might have a thought every
now and then of this person and they might like just pop into our mind but we
won't obsess about that person we won't start over thinking and being compulsive
with our thinking regarding this person so when we're born in life we tend to
obsessively think and when we possibly feel like we have unfinished business
now it could be maybe you didn't say the things that you wanted to say to this
person maybe you still have pent up anger or hurt or grief that you need to
go through so literally obsessively thinking about neck's has to do with one
of those two things now it doesn't mean that it's one or the other it could be a
little bit of both you could be in quarantine right now by yourself you
could have nothing really going on in your life you know you're not dating
anyone you're not excited about anything or you're just your life in general
isn't where you want it to be and those are the moments when you kind of have to
take an inventory of your life and figure out okay well what area of my
life do I want to focus on right now to get myself where I need to be rather
than just thinking that it's about this hat it's about your ex or it's about
this other person maybe I did make a mistake what did go wrong
are they happy like all of that thinking that really doesn't do you any good
so when you start to kind of take responsibility for your own self when
you say you know what I'm a grown adult and I need to learn how to take care of
myself mentally and emotionally you need to and this is why we call it self
parenting you need to be the parent to yourself to know when you're doing
something that is not good for you now logically you might bring some
consciousness to your mind to say okay no I'm obsessively thinking about some
and it's no no nothing good is gonna come out that but I can't stop her it's
no different than having a child it's no different than talking to someone that
you really love you have to be the adult to yourself you have to be able to
detach from what you're doing what you're thinking where you're obsessively
thinking about something or obsessively doing something you have to be able to
detach a little bit to be able to make healthy logical decisions for yourself
healthy conscious decisions for yourself now if it's a matter of also possibly
you know maybe your life is okay and you're doing fine but maybe you really
have a lot of unhealed stuff that you need to tend to maybe you're really
angry maybe you're really sad maybe you're really going through grief and
then that's the stuff that you really need to work on a lot of the times I
feel like when relationships and especially when we're dealing with
someone who's a narcissistic definitely when we're dealing with someone who's
emotionally abusive whether you into the relationship or if someone abruptly
ended it with you you want closure you want answers as to why this happened
right like even if you've got that final conversation of like hey this is why
those relationships ended maybe the person didn't say hey I'm sorry for the
way I treated you I'm sorry for the fact that I cheated on you I'm sorry for the
fact that I'm leaving you right now whatever maybe you want that apology
maybe you want that recognition maybe you want to just find the answer to the
question of like why did this happen why is this person the way they are what
happened with me like all of these kind of sometimes unknown questions that
you're never or unknown answers that you're never going to get and usually
then it becomes a matter of the healing process isn't even about the other
person it's really about yourself and accepting that this just is the
situation that it is and then it was meant to be the way it was now I feel
like when people don't really think like that it's because they don't see the
lesson in what happened to them and even if you're the victim of something what's
the lesson what can you learn how can you grow what what can you do because
all you have control over is yourself you have no control over other people so
no matter what happens to me no matter
amount of pain that you're feeling or heartache that you're going through what
can you learn about yourself how can you grow and become stronger because of this
because it is that pain that you're feeling that is going to allow you to
become the next version of yourself so you can then start to have the things
that you want in your life I always say you know obsessively
thinking about something again you have to be conscious to it you have to be
like aware that you're actually doing this kind of stuff and you have to know
what's in my best interest if me doing this is not in my best interest then why
am i doing it maybe I'll give myself like a few minutes to kind of indulge
and like the pain of obsessively thinking about something but then it has
to come a point where you have to be the adult for yourself and say okay this
isn't helping me this isn't this isn't healthy for me so what do I have to do
what you have to do is actually think about what you want next in your life so
take an inventory of your life and what do you want how do you want it to change
maybe you do want to find a great partner okay what is that entail what
does that entail in terms of what actions you need to take to get that
goal and what is it entail within yourself that you know that you want to
get better at so you can attract a healthier partner if it's your life and
you're like you know what I don't really have too much going on or I want to go
after this kind of career or I want to do this or I want to get physically fit
whatever it is for your relative or ease of life there's your finances there's
your personal relationships there's your environment your home so your romantic
relationships career social your social life you know like all these different
areas of your life what area right now needs work here's the PS throughout the
rest of your life there's always going to be one or two areas that are going to
need work so maybe right now your social life isn't really that great and that's
something that you want to work on okay well how can you work on it depending on
the situation depending on the circumstance that we're in right now if
your finances aren't where you want it to be how can you get it there what can
you do to kind of get yourself to where you want to be and and I mean that in
all facets of life so if you're really honest with yourself and you set goals
that allow you to have the best life possible now you don't want to make a
million dollars then great that's not the goal for you maybe the goal for you
is like look I just want to live a happy life I just want to be healthy
physically emotionally mentally I want to have a good life I want to be present
I want to be grateful and like those are things that you want to practice so
whatever it is it's about looking at your own life and using that energy that
you're wasting obsessing about something that quite frankly you you're never
really gonna even get the answers that you want out of it using that energy
towards your own good now again if there's unfinished business then maybe
there's a lot of grief that you have to do and not judging yourself while you're
doing that grief if you still feel unhealed and it's been years or months
and you're judging yourself on why do I still feel this way so much time has
passed maybe you haven't actually been doing the work that you needed to do to
really heal and I'm gonna be honest there I think I really do think that
there are some relationships that they're very much like a death in the
sense that you don't feel the same way you did day one but you're always going
to have a feeling inside of you right maybe you don't cry every single time
you talk about it but every now and then it kind of just gets you and it's very
much like adapt it's it's you you heal with it and deal with it you put it in a
place but again every now and then depending on what's going on with life
it might creep in and you might have to tackle that grief again so I think it's
a matter of just being honest with yourself on how do I really feel about
this person why am I actually doing this am i searching for answers that I'm
never gonna get am I bored in my own life am i unhealed in any way and so
those are things that you kind of have to tackle now a couple of like easy
things in terms of obsessively thinking about this person is you know we're not
going down memory lane we're not going down the good old days when things were
great with this person and oh my god I remember taking this trip with that
person this is what happened they're like that that ships gone so again to do
that even though you might think well it feels good to go down that road it's not
gonna feel good in the long run because that road is not your
reality right now so I don't want to say focus on the negative you know remember
all the bad things about the person that means you you know not want to be with
this person or the reasons why this relationship ended I mean yeah we can
focus on those things to kind of remember like oh that person was a jerk
and you know I'm so glad that I got rid of them that's fine but I think it's
more about understanding that that that was a season of my life and I can look
back and think of all the great times that I did have but I can also think of
all the crappy times but the reality is what is my life right now and where do I
want to take it going forward in my opinion I would rather someone
obsessively think about the future and turns up getting themselves to where
they want to be not fear of the future not fear of the unknown not worrying
about all that stuff but spending their time thinking about how do i what do i
need to do to get myself to where I want to be versus thinking about what was and
how what was maybe was supposed to be so good than what is right now that's in my
opinion ounce BS if you're honest with yourself you'll recognize that that
relationship even while you might think that it was absolutely perfect and maybe
you didn't see the red flags or anything like that it doesn't matter for whatever
the reasons are the relationship ended and that's not the person that you want
to be with you don't want to be the person that doesn't want to be with you
and you want to look at who you are today
and what do you want for your life going forward so I hope that that has helped
you guys understand why sometimes we obsessively think about people
especially during this time when we have all the time in the world to think use
this time wisely use this time to really work on yourself use this time to read
books to listen to tapes and when I say tapes I mean YouTube podcast anything
that's kind of feeding your mind invest in programs invest in your own self so
you can you know set those goals for yourself and get yourself to where you
want to be I really really really can't stress that enough do home projects you
know figure out what hobbies do you want to do that you've never done before
what do you want to do with your career next if you're you know laid off or you
aren't working right now like what can you do that is productive that'll help
you to be happier than maybe you were before so
again I hope that I has helped you guys if you liked it don't forget to comment
down below and give this video a thumbs up I will see you next week