Jensen: Eureka!
Palomo: Is it working?
(yelling) Hello!
Can you hear me?
Yes!
Bitters: Jesus!
What's the point of this again?
Tucker: This is going to make you all better fighters. Tell 'em, Simmons
Simmons: Jensen and I have installed capture software into all of our helmets,
allowing us to transmit what we are seeing on the battlefield to a local server.
Palomo: Wait, do they only record on the battlefield, or are they recording all the time?
Simmons: All the time, duh.
Palomo: Uhhh, I don't know how I feel about that.
Tucker: Dude, it's fine.
Palomo: But what if it records me doing something embarrassing? Like looking at Jensen's butt or something?
Jensen: excuse me!?
Simmons: Just don't look at Jensen's butt, Palomo.
Palomo: Well now I'm way more aware of her butt than usual and it's throwing me off.
Tucker: Palomo!
Palomo: You know what? I'm just going to look at the ceiling.
Bitters: I still don't see how this is suppose to make us any better.
Tucker: It's like this: sometimes you're with a lady, right?
And she wants to spice things up. So, you're like 'boom' - video camera.
And she's into it and then you're like "ahh yeah",
but what's even better is that later you can go back and look at those tapes
and figure out what was really working, and what you can do better.
Smith: So... it's like football coaches reviewing clips of past games?
Tucker: ...Sure, I mean if you're into football coaches and that works better for you, I guess. No judgments.
Grif: All right, we're good to go.
Simmons: You set up the training weapons?
Grif: I told someone else to set up the training weapons.
Simmons: You make a great manager.
Grif: I've said it for years.
Simmons: Sorry, I meant terrible. You'd make a terrible manager.
Grif: Whatever. You say tomato, I order a subordinate to say to-mah-to.
Tucker: Okay, so our mission today will be to disarm and apprehend an enemy soldier.
Smith: Take out one guy? That's do-able.
Tucker: The soldier is Felix.
Felix: Uh, what?
Tucker: If we can take out the best fighter in the New Republic,
I say we stand a pretty good chance against any of those Feds.
Felix: Yeah, I don't agree to this.
Felix: You don't have to. Just do what you normally do,
but know that you'll have a giant bulls-eye painted across your back.
Felix: Alright, fine. Bring it on tough guy.
Tucker: I will. And when we capture you, you're gonna tell Kimball that we're approved for the mission.
Felix: Fine!
Tucker: Good!
Felix: Great!
Tucker: So... are you just going to stand there, or what?
Felix: No, I was sticking my tongue out at you!
But, I-I guess, I'm wearing a helmet. So...
...shut up.
Tucker: We got this.
McCallister: Thanks for joining us, everyone.
Private Ghanoush and I were given the task of editing down all of the footage from your training session.
Ghanoush: We took what we believe to be some of the more...
...eye-opening moments from today's events in hopes that they might help you strategize in the future.
Simmons: Like a highlight reel?
McCallister: Like a reel.
Ghanoush: Why don't we get started?
Palomo: Hey guys! Welcome to my helmet cam!
Uhh...today,
we're gonna be trying to take down Felix!
So...
Let's see how it goes!
Could be bad.
Could be good.
Could be in the middle.
Smith: Who're you talking to?
Palomo: Uh, the audience?
Bitters: What audience?
We're recording this for ourselves.
You're the audience!
Palomo: Oh yeah!
Hi me!
(Present Palomo) Hi Palomo!
Tucker: Can we skip this part?
McCallister: Sure.
Not like we worked hard on this or anything.
Tucker: Huh?
McCallister: Huh?!
Tucker: Okay. Felix is right over there.
Grif: Bitters. Hand me a flashbang.
Bitters: Oh, right, um...
about that.
Tucker: Hurry up, he's getting away!
Bitters: I don't have any.
Grif: I told you to grab them!
Bitters: Yeah, I wasn't, really listening...
Grif: What?
Simmons: World's. Worst. Manager.
Grif: Let's not argue semantics, Simmons.
Bitters: That's...not what that word means...
Tucker: Does anybody have a fucking grenade?!
Smith: I gave mine to Caboose!
Tucker: You what?!
Caboose: Fire in the hole.
[pain]
[laughter]
McCallister: Fuckin' idiot!
Ghanoush: I could watch this for hours!
Grif: Jesus Christ! How long is this video?!
Ghanoush: Hours! I just fuckin' said it. Pay attention.
Simmons: Does it get any better?
McCallister: Define 'better'
Tucker: Ugh, come on, let's go.
Grif: Go where?
Tucker: To try this again.
Ghanoush: This is gonna be good.
McCallister: I'll make some popcorn.
[pain]
Grif: Oh god...
Smith: Feelin' the burn.
*dies*
Felix: What if I am, too good looking?
Tucker: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Felix: I-I mean, I mean, it's possible, it's a scientific-
Tucker: Ouf!
No...fair!
Simmons: He's holding a training gun, right?
Smith (Weakly): Yes, sir...
Palomo: Well that's good to know!
[laughter]
[laughter] Ghanoush: What a dope!
Caboose: (Dry laughter)
Yeah, I don't get it.
Tucker: Rrrgh!
Caboose: thirty three! thirty three! thirty three! (Everyone else): thirty three...thirty four...thirty five...thirty six...
Tucker: Surprise, mother fucker!
*splash*
Jensen: Target sighted... headed towards--HACHOO!
Uhhh...
Anyone else have eyes on the target?
Smith: Negative.
Bitters: Uh, no.
Palomo: Yeah, I got nothin'!
[laughter]
[laughter] Palomo: Lookin' at the ceiling!
Tucker: Hey, Felix!
Catch!
Felix: One Mississippi,
two Mississippi,
Tucker: Oh no.
Felix: three Mississippi.
Tucker: No, no, nononononono! Filex:Four Mississippi!
Girf: At what point did you think I knew what that meant?
Aw, shit.
[laughter]
[llaughter] Smith: Heh heh, okay...
[laughter] That was actually kinda funny.
[laughter]
Tucker: Hey!
Felix: Y'know, I have to admit,
I've never seen these guys laugh so much before.
Tucker: Why are you being so hard on us?!
Felix: Come again?
Tucker: All we need is a green light from you,
and Kimball lets us save our friends.
So why the hell can't you just lighten up for once?
Felix: Because you will DIE.
Y'know, for people who've done so much, you really are just a bunch of idiots, aren't you?
Tucker: That's what we said from the start!
Felix: So then why are you trying to still be something you're not?!
Kimball: FELIX.
Felix: Whether you go or not is ultimately up to her.
But risking the lives of more people?
That's on you.
Tucker: I thought you didn't care about losing people.
Felix: I don't...
...but you do.
Kimball: We need to talk.
Tucker: [sigh]
Can it not be as depressing as the talk we're having right now?
Kimball: Well, I can't make any promises.
Caboose: HELLO!
YES!
I AM HERE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SUBSCRIBING TO OUR CHANNEL!
...And, done. Bye!
What the heck just happened...