You probably have heard the fairy tale story where the princess is a captive in a castle
and guarded by a giant dragon who wouldn’t let her go.
She is imprisoned and waiting for the brave prince to rescue her from the dragon once
for all.
The story is definitely made but it has some truth.
In fact, this concept of aggressor, victim and the hero is far more common than you think
and we face it every single day whenever we interact with people.
Its known as The drama triangle.
It’s a drama that drags everyone to toxic relationships where no one wins.
Everyone in this triangle suffers one way or another.
An aggressor is a dictator who blames the victim.
He shouts, pressures and demonstrates his power.
His victim thinks of herself as a weak and powerless.
She believes that she can’t do anything in the face of such an aggressor and quietly
accepts any criticism or insult.
The victim always pities her self.
She doesn't feel responsible for what's happening to her so she simple simply waits for a hero
to rescue her.
The rescuer is the gentleman that everyone loves.
He literally can't stand and watch how the victim is getting oppressed, he will rush
to rescue her one way or another.
He never says "No" to people, always does more than he is expected and often offers
his help first.
But he is unhappy because he is busy taking care of others.
Let's take a real-life example.
One one side you have a strict parent, who shout and punish his kid for every little
mistake.
The Aggressor.
On the other side, you have a soft parent who takes absolute care of her child.
She never punishes him, let him do whatever he wants, buy him whatever he asks for and
closes her eyes when he does something wrong.
He is an example of the rescuer.
And in the middle, we have the victim who is the child.
He either grows up rude, lazy, short-tempered and helpless or resentful and full of hatred
towards his parents.
This triangle of drama has no winners but why do we keep practicing it.
The victim wants someone else to take care of him.
The rescuers feels good about himself when he takes care of the victim, and the aggressor
feels superior when he demonstrates his power.
But at the end of the day, it leads to a never ending cycle of drama.
In order to get out of this triangle, you have to be clear about your roles first.
With your friends you might be the aggressor who constantly criticizes them and insults
them, to demonstrate your superiority.
At home, you suddenly transform into a rescuer who brings food on the table and solves all
the problems.
However, in front of your short-tempered aggressive boss, you suddenly turn into the helpless
victim.
So, how do you stop this triangle of drama?
If you are the aggressor, you are probably raising your self-esteem at the expense of
others, which makes you look like a douchebag.
Stop criticizing, lower your expectations and be a little be more humble.
THat will make people respect you, and admire you and value more your opinion.
If you are the rescuer, stop taking responsibility for other people’s problems.
It sounds horrible but every time you decide on behalf of her, you are only making her
more helpless.
Help people only when they ask for it.
Instead of playing the role of the hero, be the wise man who teaches how to fish instead
of selling the fish every time.
And lastly, if you are the victim, stop blaming everyone around for your troubles, stop waiting
for someone to take care of you.
Always ask yourself, what can I do to solve this problem, what can I do to improve the
situation.
If everyone is going to play his or her roles properly, we will have a better society and
more fulfilling relationships.
If this video was helpful, make sure you give it a thumbs up, thanks for watching and I
will see you in the next one.