What's are some 'hard to swallow pills' about relationships?
They aren't going to magically know you're upset with them.
They aren't going to read your passive-aggressive signs.
They aren't going to pick up on that.
Be direct.
If you are upset, talk to your partner about it.
Not your friends.
Not you parents.
Not strangers on the internet - your partner.
edit : wtf this legit doubled my karma???
thank you all so much
At a certain point, you have to accept some particular negative parts of your partners personality or move on.
My husband is almost 50.
We've been married for over 20 years.
While he will continue to experience personal growth, there are parts of his personality that are likely to not ever change.
The same is true for myself, of course.
Eventually love is not being "crazy in love" all the time.
You could do everything right and still lose
Losing your identity within a relationship is easy to do.
Finding it again isn’t.
Remember to keep your friends and hobbies.
You can't look for someone else to be your "other half", you have to learn how to be a whole person on your own.
This means being able to take care of your own emotional needs, too.
Putting off ending things for fear of hurting someones feelings is the worst possible idea.
If the relationship isn’t right and you know you don’t want to be together then sparing someone’s feelings in the short term only leads to more pain later down the line.
Be honest and front the horrible conversation
People keep changing as their life goes on, and there are no guarantees that you and your partner will change in compatible ways.
Someone can be your soulmate today, but in a year the person they've become may not be the soulmate of the person you've become.
While you shouldn't simply give up on a relationship the moment you hit a rough patch, you also shouldn't let a happy past keep you in a miserable present.
You should not be anxious about the relationship all the time.
You shouldn't be stressed about if they love you or if they're going to leave you or if they're out cheating on you or what they're thinking.
It shouldn't be a major source of stress, in fact if it's a good partnership both of your lives should be easier.
The old adage about relationships being hard work isn't really accurate, being with them shouldn't be hard or a battle.
It's more accurate to say that a good relationship takes effort, like you should both be striving for open communication, handle conflict in a healthy way, make each other happy but it shouldn't be exhausting or hard or stressful to be with them.
They should
be a source of comfort.
Edit: some people have pointed out that this isn't necessarily the case for people with anxiety or other mental health issues.
And youre totally right, it's not that anxiety is necessarily a sign.of a bad relationship.
But if you're feeling a lot of stress and anxiety about a relationship it is a sign that something is wrong.
If your feel stress because your partner is vague or mean or withholding that's an issue.
And if your partner is good to you but you can't shake the feeling that something is wrong, that's something to talk about with them and potentially get help for!
Every adult human could benefit from therapy!
I guess what I'm trying to say is that being with
your partner shouldn'take you feel worse, it shouldn't make you feel bad.
Edit 2: user @sassytit summed up what I was trying to say quite well "I personally have ADHD and one of my symptoms causes me to be anxious and stressed basically 24/7, and that tends to lead towards worries that my current SO is just gonna give up on my insanity and leave.
But when I compare how I feel with him, vs how I felt with my emotionally abusive ex...
There's a world of difference.
With my ex, that was the only thing on my mind.
I changed my patterns
and habits just to be around him and make him happy so he wouldn't leave me.
With my current SO, I don't have to do any of that.
I stress about it more often than the average person does, but I can go days on end without having a thought.
THATS the difference."
It takes two to be in a relationship.
If one person is putting in all the effort and the other isn't, it's eventually all going to fall apart when the one who is giving the effort stops.
Great relationships are mutual.
Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them.
A relationship needs more than love
Love isn’t everything.
At least not “love” as most people interpret it.
I wouldn’t even say it necessarily “takes work.” Two people can love each other deeply while being terrible for each other, treating each other poorly, etc.
all the love in the world doesn’t compensate for lack of growth.
If both people aren’t growing and evolving over time, if the relationship doesn’t foster growth and security, then love simply is irrelevant.
It should go without saying but you should always be on the same team, never adversarial.
Your partner should be kind to you and vice versa.
It's not okay for your partner to scream at you or curse you out or deliberately hurt your feelings.
This isn't to say that it never ever happens, we all are human and occasionally we mess up.
But if they are not consistently kind to you, if they aren't sorry when they are mean, and if they repeat it then that's a problem.
If you wouldn't accept the behavior from a friend then you absolutely should not accept it from a partner.
The idea that it's normal for your partner to be mean to you is so freaking bad and I've seen way too many people accept crappy relationships because they think love means never having to say sorry and that getting
screamed at is acceptable.
Edit: Due to multiple comments I have realized that the way this was worded was sending messages that were not the intended message.
Therefore I have removed this comment until edits can be made to make sure that it is phrased in a way that does not send any unclear messages.
When I have finished editing the comment to reflect this more accurately I will repost it.
The one part that I will leave up through the editing and clarification process is: **always get consent**
Lots of people are actually looking for contradictions in relationships.
As Bo Burnham put it, you want someone insanely hot, but not someone obsessed with their looks.
You want someone sensitive but not weak.
A lot of people want someone who won't use them for anything, but who they can use themselves to fulfill their own needs or desires.
I think the worst part of growing up for me has been the utter realization that lots of people want to use who they can to fit
their own ends.
It's not exactly always malicious, just practical; you grow more sensible as you age and so you're less willing to tolerate relationships of any kind where you don't derive some sort of benefit.
The result for me has been that I'm less trusting and more guarded which only hinders finding genuine connections in love or friendship.
Sometimes you'll be abusive without being aware of it.
"When you look at someone with rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."
It's easy to dismiss toxic characteristics because of love.
Sometimes you won't get that clarity until you're a safe distance away.
Not everyone will value your relationship like you do.
It's VERY important to make sure you both have the same expectations and values; otherwise like two unequally yoked animals, you will continue to walk in circles over the same ground.
Sometimes things don't work.
Even if both parties are objectively wonderful people.
Even if they love each other and enjoy their lives together.
Sometimes things just get in the way and force you to make a hard choice.
Relationships do not have an instruction manual.
Relationships are whatever the people involved want it to be.
Sometimes what your SO wants is drastically different than what you want.
No matter how much you love each other, you might not get past the differences.
If someone is gunna cheat, there is no stopping them by checking their phone, messages, where they go or whatever.
They r gunna cheat regardless
If it endangers your mental health, it's not worth it.
Once you get beyond the initial lust/heart-fluttery part of a romantic relationship, you begin to realize that love looks a lot different than the rom-com movies.
It's not embracing in the pouring rain, kissing under the Eiffel Tower, trying to board the plane to convince them not to go.
It's handing them a box of Cheez-its when they get home from a 12 hour shift and are too exhausted to move.
It's driving them to the airport at 3 a.m. for their dream job interview.
It's managing their prescriptions when they get too sick to do it themselves.
Relationships are often unglamorous and while a committed relationship can be very rewarding, there's more to it than you and your hot partner canoodling and going on trips for the rest of your lives.
Relationships can take a lot of work, some of it that you will never see coming in the early days.
Over the course of ten years, the person you fell in love with could transform into someone you'd never have gone on a second date with had they been that way when you met.
Life's too short to set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm.
Eventually one of you has to die first.
your partner will poop and stink up the bathroom.
its disgusting.
"Fixer-upper," relationships often lead to disaster.
She may bleed in your bed and you'll need to wash your sheets.
Girls can't plan this.
Girls have periods.
You can't stop this.
It's biology and acting like it's *gross* or making a big deal out of it is ALWAYS going to hurt your relationship (or future prospect chances).
However, here's what you CAN do:
Buy a mattress protector.
(you should already be using one, beep
Always have MINIMUM 1 spare clean set of bed sheets.
If you're uncomfortable about periods, educate and familiarize
yourself.
And last, but not least, if the thought of periods makes you uncomfortable, the idea of blood from a vagina grosses you out, and you would rather not deal, please date another man instead, and be sure to use PLENTY of lube...
Otherwise you might see blood anyway.
Edit: Oh beep gold??
Gracias!
Everybody has a past life, history, things you may not like.
It’s easy to love all of their great experiences but it can be challenging to accept some of their past life that disturbs you or you worry may be a problem still.
A very challenging part of relationships is getting out of your head on who they used to be and focus more on who they ARE now and how they make you feel
No one loves anyone unconditionally
Happy wife, happy life is beep Just because one is happy, doesn't mean the other one is too.
Happy house, happy spouse is the way to go.
No matter how good or happy you feel, it can all go to beep the next day, or week.
its perfectly ok to want some space every once in awhile between you and your partner.
May your day be filled with joy and happiness.
And please remember to like, share, and subscribe for more quality content everyday.