It’s The Transfer Market: Player Clearance Auction with Fabrizio Romano...
Here... we... go!
Today’s first item is a big-ticket item, Dusan Vlahovic!
- Yes! Yes! Yes! Arsenal can offer you… - No deal!
- We can raise our offer to… - No deal
But Dusan, you can help us win the Champions League!
Don’t listen to him Dusan, that’s how he tricked me into signing for Arsenal!
And we didn’t even qualify for the Europa Conference League!
No deal!
Thanks for nothing, Willian!
No deal - and there he goes!
We have a mystery bidder!
- Dusan, you had me at that £100m price tag… - Deal!
Going once, going twice - Done deal! And here we go!
Fabrizio, would you be interested in trying to sell someone from Manchester United?
Sure. Phil Jones? Jesse Lingard?
Ralf Rangnick! The whole squad want him gone…
Er, the transfer market is just for selling players
Sh*t… Never mind guys. Plan B. Let’s go and find a bus to throw him under.
- Wahoo! - Wa-Wahoo!
No deal! - And there he goes!
Clearance! For sale, one barely used Brazilian magician!
Jurgen! Jurgen!
This wand was capable of unbelievable magic a few years back but now it sadly doesn’t work...
It only works in England! Jurgen! I said it only works in England!
This poor little guy has over 40 previous owners and sadly comes from a very broken home, FC Barcelona.
Brendan... Brendan!
Señor Brendan Rodgers - Can I interest you in this clearance item?
- No. I already have wee James Maddison. - So?
Well, wee James Maddison is a very similar player to wee Philippe Coutinho, except wee James is good.
- What?! - Laters potaters…
This is the thanks I get for making you look like a good manager?! F**** you!
Erm, I’ll take him off your hands.
Steven Gerrard? Done deal and here we go!
- What is your offer? - I’d like a five month free trial please.
- No way. This hunk of junk cost us 140 millions Euros! - Hunk of junk?
140 millions so what. He’s played less football than me these last few seasons.
- Fine. A free trial. But can you at least cover his wages? - How much are they?
- £400,000 - Per month?
- Per week. - Jesus Christ! No wonder Barcelona are broke. No deal, and here I go…
Fine! A free trial and we’ll pay all his wages!
- Deal! - Going once, going twice - Done deal and here we go!
Seriously, you guys at Barcelona are the worst negotiators ever…
One formerly world-class striker currently on world-class wages... must-go!
I hate you Mikel…
What Pierre lacks in commitment he makes up for in goals! Well, at least he used to…
- Oh come on, even Newcastle don’t want him… - Seriously, I hate you Mikel
This item is totally free and it comes with a free gift!
Waiiiit!
- Pierre… I came as fast as I could! - Arsene?
Mikel, I offer you zero... plus one extra pound....
- Deal! - Yes!
Oh, how I’ve missed you Pierre. How would you like to come and be my personal assistant at FIFA?
- Yes please! - Going once, going twice... Done deal! And here we go!
- The job even comes with a company car... - Wahoo!
Wait a minute… Mikel, you said Pierre came with a free gift.
- Yes, that’s right - Well what is it?
- C0VlD... - Sacre blue!
Damn you Pierre!
No deal! And there he goes! Straight to the ICU.
Make sure to follow me, Fabrizio Romano for all the latest transfer news!
And the window slams shut!