This is wonderful.
This is also embarrassing.
Let me tell you why we are here at my house, in my garage.
If this was a pageant and I was a woman,
I would be voted Ms. Understanding.
The thing is that I called--
I got a call from the people at "Ellen" and said,
would you love to host the show?
And I said, I would love to host the show.
A lot of you know this.
I'm 65 years old.
The COVID numbers have gone up.
I'm a little freaked out.
And I called them back, and I said, listen, my wife
and I are here alone.
We do not leave the house.
We stay at home.
We got rid of our bathroom attendant,
which is embarrassing.
How much do you tip your wife?
Anyway, I said, we're at home, and I'm staying home,
and I'm just doing everything from home.
And they said OK and hung up.
I had no idea that they don't take no for an answer.
So they came here, to my house.
| have nothing.
And I said I'm afraid of COVID, and they said, no.
We'll be COVID-safe.
This is the most COVID-safe show I've ever-- look at this.
There's no staff.
They came here in the middle of the night
and set up robotic cameras.
Hi.
Can you see this?
It moves even without--
I know that when I'm on the set, this is camera 3.
It's usually run by Dino.
Dino, how are you running this?
I got it, Howie.
You're doing great.
Don't worry.
Thank you.
I also want to tell you that you can--
feel free to not listen to me or to not even--
look in the garage during the show.
Because what an opportunity to have like a garage sale.
So if you see something you want, slip me a DM,
and I'd be happy to sell it to you.
I've got so much stuff in here that I've never used.
What is in here that I could sell?
What is this?
I don't even know what this is.
I don't use power tools.
Does somebody know what--
I don't know what this--
[WHIRRING]
Whoa.
What is it?
Oh, it's a leaf blower.
I don't know why--
I've never been told, honey, go out and blow the leaf.
[WHIRRING]
I don't know how to-- how do you operate it?
Oh, they want me to say that today we're
going to be doing a big giveaway to an audience member, and--
[WHIRRING]
So here are the rules.
Here are the rules.
You just have to remember the one word, the magic word.
And the magic word today is--
[WHIRRING]
You see, if you hear that word, then
you just give us a little text or put up your hand,
and you can win the prize.
So remember, the magic word is--
[WHIRRING]
I'll just put this down.
This doesn't matter.
Is tWitch here, too?
Can tWitch see me?
Can you see me, tWitch?
I'm here.
What's up, man?
[SIGHS]
Listen, it's good to have you there.
Yeah.
Thanks for not coming over.
I really appreciate it.
It's good to have you there.
I'm glad that everybody's here.
What can we do from this distance?
What do we do-- you know, what I love about you,
tWitch, and everybody loves about-- you're
a great guy and everything, but your dancing.
And that's why I love watch--
I turn on the show every day, and I watch you dance.
Want to have a dance-off?
- I would love to have a dance-- 'cause I seen you on TikTok,
Howie.
I would love to have a dance-off.
Let's do it.
You start them off though.
I've seen you on TikTok, too.
That's why I'm ready.
Start it off.
Your turn.
Let's go.
OK.
Let's go.
Set it off, Howie.
Let's go.
[MUSIC - RUN DMC, "It's Tricky"]
You got home-court advantage.
Go.
I'll go first.
(SINGING) --that's right on time.
It's Tricky.
OK.
(SINGING) It's Tricky, Tricky, Tricky.
OK.
(SINGING) It's Tricky to rock a rhyme--
Now you.
(SINGING) --that's right on time.
It's Tricky.
I'll be honest with you, the technology
is not working that fantastic.
Let's go.
I cannot see what you're doing--
OK.
--but beat this.
Go ahead.
(SINGING) --bust her out, I had to leave real early.
These girls are really sleazy.
Impressive.
(SINGING) All they just say is please me--
Impressive.
(SINGING) --or spend some time and--
OK.
(SINGING) I said, it's not that easy.
It's Tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock
a rhyme that's right on time.
It's Tricky.
It's Tricky, Tricky, Tricky.
OK.
All right, I get it.
I get it.
Listen, as a judge, I'm going to call it a tie.
OK.
I don't know if you saw me and I saw you,
but it was so much fun dancing alone on my driveway.
That was a--