- Hey. What's happening? - Hi!
What's happening?
Well, I'm at the speed dating thing and...
I'm feeling a bit apprehensive, I guess.
That was just a greeting. You don't need to answer.
My bad!
It was a rhetorical question. Got it.
A what now?
Never mind. So, tell me about yourself.
Well, my name is Brad. What's yours?
Becky.
Tell me more.
Hmm...
I'm 28.
What else do you want to know?
What are your passions? What gets you motivated?
My passions?
Well...
I had a pellet gun fight with my brother yesterday.
That was fun.
Oh, so you and your brother are pretty close?
Yeah, we did get pretty close. That's how we ended up in hospital.
Oh, no! I hope he's okay.
It must have been pretty hard for you having to fight your brother like that.
Nah, it was fun. He's tough.
Let me tell you about the strategy I used though.
When he came around the corner-
Sorry could we talk about something a little bit more substantial?
We only have five minutes.
Substantial?
Have you ever fired a BB gun?
It'll change you.
Look at that, our time is up.
- What? No, it's not. - No, our time is up.
Okay, quick. What are your core values?
Just being a good person.
Cool!
Completely trusting those in power to make good decisions for me.
Trusting people is the best!
Allowing people to steal my data as long as I have access...
to my smoothie bowls and kale salad.
(gasp) I love kale salads!
Have you ever tried making kale chips? They will change your life.
Okay. I'm very joking. What is wrong with you?
- About the kale salad? - About all of it.
Oh!
Great joke!
You really had me going with the whole "trusting the government" bit.
Pff. If I had a dollar for every time I've said that.
If I had a dollar...
... just in general.
What are your core values?
🎶 Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens 🎵
🎶 Bright co-
So, why are you here?
My friend wanted someone to come with him and he said he'd buy me dinner afterwards.
Pff. You should have upped the conditions.
Yes, I am now realizing this.
What brings you here?
When I read the "speed dating" sign, I thought they were going to teach me...
a faster way of determining the age of tree trunks, not this.
Ah.
I would have made the same error had I not already been familiar...
with the term "speed dating" thanks to a chick flick...
that my friend made me watch in exchange for him buying me dinner.
How did I fall for that twice?
Do you want to just get out of here?
- Yeah. - Nice. Let's go.
But...
I'll probably just go home immediately.
- No offense. - Yeah! I'm gonna do the same thing.
Cool.
And then my fifth book was about how grace cooperates with nature,
but I made sure to still uphold the clear distinction between the two.
Wow.
That one was particularly challenging, because I had to make sure...
that all of my premises were sound from an overarching philosophical perspective...
without branching into all of the tempting subcategories.
Wow.
Do you have thoughts about any of that?
Hum... Not really.
I don't really know much about philosophy.
You've never thought about possible transcendental realities?
I mean, I've been on those virtual reality roller coasters.
That kind of was thought provoking...
in... some way.
Maybe.
I just think that there's little point in thinking too much about those things,
but it's great that you do.
But aren't you curious about possible implications...
that such realities could have on your life?
I mean, not really.
I'm living a pretty good life as it is...
and I like to think that I'm a pretty good person.
Ah!
What is it that makes you a good person?
You have toothpaste on your shirts.
What makes you a good person?
Grace.
I say grace.
Why are you clearly so hesitant to be vulnerable with me?
- Because I've just met you. - Yeah, but this is speed dating!
We only have a few minutes. Why waste them?
- Who's to say we're wasting them? - Because we're not talking about anything!
Sometimes, more is spoken in what isn't said than what is.
Okay, I'm gonna need you to stop the cryptic talk...
and just tell me what the deepest desire of your heart is!
That's it?
That's the question that you think is going to reveal the most about me?
Yeah.
I disagree.
Desires are fleeting.
Character is the true foundation of a man.
Okay, we have 30 seconds left and we've learned nothing about each other.
Are you happy?
Indeed, I am.
Would you like to get a drink after this?
Is that a line you've used on all the other women here?
No, actually.
I'm very intentional with my words.
Well, get in line, buddy.
Is that a line you've used on all the men here?
No.
I'm working a bartender shift after this.
Literally, get in line.
Hmm.
Challenge accepted.
Are you enjoying yourself?
Yeah, I guess. Are you?
Yeah, for sure!
I'm kind of out of my comfort zone right now, to be honest.
Oh, no! Why is that?
Well, I mean, this whole thing is based on deciding whether you have...
a connection with someone in the space of a few minutes.
It's such high pressure.
It usually takes me three years to decide whether I want a relationship with someone.
Yeah, that is so fair that you would feel uncomfortable then.
Are you really enjoying yourself?
Yeah, it's fun!
Well...
I guess it's just me then.
Actually, to be honest, I'm also really struggling.
- Really? - Yes!
This is my literal nightmare.
Perpetually rotating between people with not enough time to deep dive...
into anything substantial,
so you're forced to engage in small talk for a whole two hours!
I've had actual nightmares about this exact situation.
Ah. Wow.
This is by far my favorite conversation of the night,
because there's actually an element of depth to it.
Ah, cool.
So, tell me more about what you were trying-
(bell)
No! Please, no!
Not again! Not more rotating!
Hi! Sorry, I know we've already spoken,
but I switched for someone so that I could come back...
... to ask what hair conditioner you use.
Your hair is so shiny that it looks like a being of its own.
(sad piano music)
Oh... Excuse me.
Oh, no! I've got to go.
Here. You can just text me the name of it.
Nice to meet you!
(happy piano music)
I just think that it's the responsibility of everyone to be kind at these events.
I see.
Half of these people don't even know how to make conversations.
Some guy over there started listing off all the books that he's written.
What am I supposed to do with that?
Well, you can't force people to behave by your standards...
of what you deem to be polite.
I'm not forcing anyone.
But I will be lodging a complaint.
One guy over there let me go on for a whole minute...
about my recipe for a kale salad before turning on me...
and telling me that I'm a peon for the government.
I'm just disappointed by how disorganized this is.
I don't know how it is that you and I have ended up sitting opposite each other.
Waste of time.
And can you believe the nerve of three of these participants...
just getting up and leaving because they felt like it.
Mum! Just let people live their lives!
Far out.
You know what? I'm gonna chase them down the street.
No!
Oh my goodness.
Constantly, embarrassing me.
Hi. How are you doing?
Why didn't I bring my goggles?