in this video you're going to learn how to break addiction in just one step
no seriously I mean it one step and this is 100% guarantee if you can do this you
can and you will break your addiction
for those of you who are new here I'm amber Hollingsworth and you're watching
put the shovel down the YouTube channel designed to help you understand the
science and psychology of addiction so you can get your life back on track
recover your loved ones and get back to living the life that you want to live
now on this channel I usually say if you'll follow the advice I give you you
will stay five steps ahead of addiction but in today's video if you'll follow
the advice that I'm about to give you right now you will beat addiction you will
break the cycle you will be done with it you'll be back to being a person that
you like that you care about that you are proud of and that the people around
you like care about and are proud of okay so are you ready this is big it's
one step maybe you should get your pen ready and I'll tell you now it's not an
easy step but it is pretty simple ready here goes stop feeling sorry for
yourself that's it because that is the fuel that you're using to continue your
addiction victim thinking is always underneath the psychology of the people
that I deal with in my office every day for years and years now who are using
drugs and alcohol it's time to get real honest with yourself this is the way
that you justify continuing to make bad decisions continuing to do things that
hurt you that hurts the people around you and ultimately the way that you're
justifying continuing to make decisions that cause you to be a person that you
don't like anymore and those of you who follow this channel you know that
recovery is about becoming a person that you like that you respect and when you
can do that you will have much less need for drugs probably no need for drugs or
alcohol at all so let's take a look at the ways that we get into this victim
mentality that we justify continuing to make bad decisions because we feel sorry
for ourselves and we make it okay to continue down a road of destruction hey
not just our destruction don't lie to yourself this isn't just you're hurting
you this is you hurting everyone around you this is you robbing the world
of all of your talents gifts and abilities that you were created to give
to the world addiction will put you in a very very selfish mentality that does
not mean I'm saying you are a selfish person my guess is you're not a selfish
person at all but addiction puts you into a selfish
state of mind and in order to get you in that selfish state of mind it's gonna
tell you a lot of reasons why it's okay to do what you're doing it's gonna
justify it for you and the way it's gonna justify is to get you into that
victim thinking so I've got a whole list of these victim thoughts for you I hear
them every single day in my office so let's go through a few of those that I
hear all the time some of these are gonna sound really really familiar for
you and make sure you watch this whole thing because after we go through these
we're gonna take a hard look at what the real truth of the situation is so let's
cut off the fuel on to addiction if you can do this you're going to get the
biggest reward you're gonna get your life back you're gonna get your family
back and best of all you're gonna get yourself respect back okay here's a list
are you ready maybe you come from a family where everyone's high achievers
and you know you're just not a high achiever like they are and the
expectations are just so hot and it's just not fair you feel sorry for
yourself maybe you feel sorry for yourself
because you're so young like you you can't quit drugs now you're not even 21
come on now maybe you feel sorry for yourself because your daddy loves your
brother more that's not a reason to continue to use drugs and alcohol in a
problematic way here's what I hear all the time so let's pay really close
attention to this one if you're married here it is I use or I drink because my
spouse is too controlling my wife is too controlling my husband's too uptight and
he tries to control everything I do the truth of it has must the time when I
hear this the spouse is being a little controlling but the reason is because
the person is drinking or using too much so let's be honest I hear it all the
time I'm only sneak drinking because my wife goes crazy if I drink anything at
all so I have to hide it no your sneak drinking because your wife goes crazy
she goes crazy because you have a drinking problem let's get real with
yourself you might
be telling yourself something like well I don't really drink too much my spouse
is just over reactive because their dad had a problem or their brother had a
problem or something like that no your spouse is reactive because your
substance use is problematic maybe you're drinking because you feel like
you just do everything for the whole family and everyone's just so ungrateful
and no one appreciates you or respect to you and you're just totally
self-sacrificing self-pity see that I deserve it though that's a self pity
thought that comes from a resentment that you're building because you feel
like you're being taken advantage of if that's the case it's your responsibility
to do something about that it's your responsibility to change these things
not to use the situation to feel sorry for yourself to justify making more bad
decisions I'm not saying none of these things ever
happen of course these things happen maybe your dad does like your brother more
maybe your spouse is controlling maybe no one in your family appreciates you
maybe you are sixteen and having to get sober and you're not gonna get to go to
prom these are realities but it's not a reason to continue to be okay to make
bad decisions and remember hang on because we're coming to the truth of the
matter so definitely keep watching but first let's go over some more of these
really common self-pity thoughts that I hear every day I think it's just
ridiculous that I can't have a drink a glass of wine or champagne at my own
child's wedding self-pity thought it's not fair that
everyone around me gets to drink use drugs and have all this fun and I can't
even be a part of it self-pity thought maybe you're just fine
you're drinking or using because you lost your job or you lost a lot of money
in the stock market hey I get it that sucks
and it's okay I guess to feel a little sorry for yourself about some of these
things but not to the point that you use that to justify continued bad decisions
I'm telling you when you can stop the justification and the rationalization
you can get really honest with yourself the addiction will stop because it needs
this telling you this is the fuel one that's driving the problem okay here's
one that I heard in my office just yesterday I'm using
and I'm acting this way because my family treats me like a drug addict and
it's just totally ridiculous and not fair how let me give you a little
backstory on this this same person this sitting in my office that's telling me
this four months ago came into my office and
told me yeah I'm a drug addict I got off the chain I was crazy wild threatened to
kill myself it and kill people and got sent to the psych hospital but now this
same person says that they're continuing to use substances because their family
is treating them like a drug addict I know confusing right it doesn't make any
sense I'm telling you the thinking around addiction causes you to get just
so distorted in reality and the answer is honesty the answer is truth the
answer is not letting yourself off the hook when you have a bad day when other
people have something that you don't when things just don't seem fair it is
not a reason to let yourself off the hook and make this bad decision and
don't worry we're coming to the truth about why that really really is the case
maybe you're telling yourself that you're using drugs because you have to
because the only way you can make money is to sell drugs because your mama
kicked you out the house well let's stop and think
why'd your mom kick you out the house mmm my guess is it might have something
to a fact that you're using a lot of drugs so let's be real let's not use
these excuses anymore here's one I heard last week you know it's not so
much that I have a problem with alcohol it's just that my parents are so
religious they just think any drinking or using at all is like a total sin so
it's not so much that I'm out of bounds it's just that their thinking is totally
off-base here's one I just want to have a normal teenage life I just want to
have the normal college experience getting wasted making bad choices and
hurting all the people around you isn't a right it isn't something that you have
the right to and it isn't something that you're being robbed of that is a
complete misconception you're not entitled to go around and get messed up
and destroy everything and everyone around you just because you're young
it's just not the way it works and here is the most common self-pity victimization
thought that leads to relapse that I see period across the board are you
ready for it this is it number one right here I just want to be able to drink or
use sociably now there are a lot of variations of this thought it can sound
like I just want to be able to have a few drinks you know on the boat with my
friends in the summer I just want to be able to have a couple of glasses of wine
at a family wedding I should be able to just smoke weed occasionally with my
buddies at a college party but when you're being really honest with yourself
you're gonna have to say can you really do that can you really just have two
drinks can you really just have a couple of beers on the boat with your buddies
can you just occasionally share a joint with some friends at the college party
my guess is probably not or you wouldn't be watching this video my guess is
you've tried that and it hasn't worked honesty is the cure for addiction the
more self-responsibility you can take the more you can live a life of
integrity and by that I mean living a life that is consistent with your value
system the more you're gonna like yourself the more gonna respect yourself
and being in recovery it's not only gonna be easy it's gonna be way easier
than living that addicted life that you were living cuz let's be honest that's
miserable let's have the truth of it do you deserve to be miserable no you don't
deserve to be miserable so why are you making all these excuses and
justifications to keep that misery okay so no I told you we're gonna get to the
truth the truth of it is when you're behaving that way you're acting in a
selfish way in a way that is hurting all of the people around you that's the
truth of it and so you're going around here feeling sorry for yourself because
you can't have two glasses of wine at a party but you're feeling sorry for
yourself to the point that you're embarrassing your child at their wedding
that you're ruining the family event that you're forgetting to turn in your
college final paper because you got wasted the night before and you
overslept your final exams that your parent paid $10,000 for that semester so
truly is it you that you should feel sorry for yourself about or is it the
people around you that this addiction is destroying I'm not trying to say that
you're bad person I'm not trying to say that you
don't care about people I'm trying to say that if you let this addiction
control your thinking like that then this addiction will hurt everyone around
you it takes a willingness to look at some really hard things and to confront
some not true thoughts that we've been having so if you've made it this far in
the video then you're in the mindset where you're taking a real hard honest
look into yourself into your thinking and into how to beat addiction and so
for that reason you're perfectly set up to watch this video next it's your next
step in getting honest with your thoughts and your feelings and your
behaviors and put it right up here so just click on it