How do you do, fellow mammals?
What do you say let's do a silly one with a little nibble of Beast Wars Neo!
Now, Neo's been something of a long-standing mystery to me mostly because I have a hard time with anime, okay?
Like, I really struggle to keep the various 80s and 90s TF sequel serieses separate in my mind.
Was Neo the one with the Angrymoist Energy?
Violin Juggler, was it? I don't bloody know.
And I even kinda thought I'd made a dent covering it in my old Longrack review, many many years ago
but it turns out all I really said about it was, "uh, okay! That happened!
"What were they smoking? I guess THAT's a choice."
- really good stuff, yeah -
and just kinda held the toy up and let its perceived weirdness do all the legwork.
'Cos the Neo toys are a true freakshow!
Just an overdeveloped cataclysm of shellformers, gimmick-bloat, and nightmarishly asymmetrical kibble
- definitely used that before -
one of whose chief breakout stars simply has to be the absolute content cluster bomb that is
Beast Wars Neo Heinrad!
Is it Heinrad or Heinlad? I've never really known.
Oh, either works! He's a rad lad.
Yes indeed, time for some scrotal sacrilege with this beast from the East!
Now then, Heinrad's kinda notorious among the TF toy oeuvre as something of a multi-faceted novelty,
not least of which comes from his status as a hardline Japan-exclusive toy
which, like it or not, immediately cordons him off from the wider collector base
'cos there just ain't that many of him,
and it has the side effect of lending him a sort of mystique-through-scarcity shared by a lot of Eastern market lads
like Deathsaurus! Have you seen the Haslab? You should back the Haslab!
Add that to Heinrad's reputation as a quintessential example of gag overload,
AND the fact that he's a tanuki, which I understand is a Japanese raccoon dog
characterised in folklore as some kind of magical woodland bollock monster
and you've got a recipe for a YouTube review that practically writes itself.
Well, THAT's a thing! Okay! You do you, boo. Uugghhh.
Right then, I reckon we'll start with the beast mode
'cos, I mean, are beast modes ever a surprise?
Oohh, look at him. I wonder what HE f**kin' turns into.
So he's a tanuki, isn't he, and really the only way to approach it is head-on.
Heinrad is an upright dog rodent gremlin with a clock face on his tum-tum and a great big robot ballbag.
That's his deal. That's always been his deal. That's what's up. That's what we're doing, and it is fully friggin' adorable!
Oohhh, he's so cute! Aaahhh! (giggles)
Super Mario 3.
Check out this squat little squirrel friend, alert and alive and squished up on his hind legs, like a little Rory Calhoun!
He does definitely have that feisty feyfolk twinkle, with his cheeky pink ears, trash panda goth eyes and semi-vacant gaze.
He's cute, but he's trouble. And he LOVES it.
But if we may bypass the bonkers bits for a brief bite, this is actually a very clean beast mode.
Like, for such a big dafty, it's actually played remarkably straight, physically, mechanically.
It's substantial, it's sturdy, it maintains the illusion despite being split down the middle
and I mean it is a silly one, but it's not a joke.
Like, it's not a literal cartoon. It's not Moon.
It treats the creature with reverence and respect
and it's trying to do as earnest a job of being a plastic raccoon testicle cryptid as it possibly can.
I mean, check the deco! The facial details are en pointe, he's head to toe in this fierce furry texture,
I love his luxurious mane and mucky little paws!
Like, they really gave it some bollo-
welly. They gave it some welly.
That is, it's not flawless. It does have slight visible innards and the double neck joint is very clumsy,
but that doesn't kill it! We know there's a robot in there.
We can see the creases and the backpack peek
it's got its whole butt out. We know! We're in on it.
It even uses literally the same arms for both modes!
I mean, I guess why wouldn't you, but they don't even change a little bit!
Definitely a smidge awkward, an' all - they're mounted on this difficult toothy tilt that's perched on a swivel
which does more-or-less allow all the movement you'd need but it feels pretty creaky and severe.
Definitely wouldn't wanna be in a hurry with it.
Anyway, the arms can double as front paws for an optional quadruped mode
(giggles)
which I guess works fine, but it doens't look awesome
and it's nowhere near as fun as the standard sit position.
Like, the back legs are just solid moulded single components splatted on a ball joint
and far better suited to keeping him upright in tandem with the freakishly fluffy tail and conspicuous mecha-testicles.
Shall we do the ballbag? All right, we're doing this.
We're doing the nutsack, eveerybody! That's what we want, right? That's what we came for.
So evidently it's a big part of the folklore of the bake-danuki that they have a super huge scrote
which apparently gives them financial good fortune
but Neonardo di Sacrio's two veg are surprisingly underplayed.
Like, they're oddly mechanistic. They almost look like barrels or those Christmas choccies that have got booze in 'em.
They're the only bits on the entire boy that look like they belong on a robot
which I reckon is probably preferable to a realistic veiny danglebag on a toy for six-year-olds.
I feel like Takara knew it was gonna be weird so they tried to play it off as something else.
"Oh, no, they're uh, power cells!"
I dunno. That's what I call mine.
Anyway, I guess that brings us nicely to the other gimmicks and such, which are actually very fun in this mode!
Like, his big two main accessories are a bottle of sake and a box of IOU's.
He's all booze and excuses, like me in my twenties.
It just multiplies the chaotic goblin-mode vibe and I kinda love that they have these unusual stringy straps.
That's such an uncommon design feature and it lets him hold them naturally and easily!
There's definitely a version of this toy in another universe where they had like, solid state pegs
and he had to hold them like they were handguns.
And on top of that, he's got a clock in him!
Oh, look at the time.
Like, he's not shy about it. He's wearing it on his chest. It IS his chest!
Mostly what he is is just a clock with some rodent robot shit hanging off it.
Visibly, he's a timepiece.
And it's definitely a look! It's giving echoes of Kronoform
and in a way, I suppose it makes him a spiritual successor to Micro Change!
God, imagine it's the era of Soundwave and Perceptor
and you find out that one day there's gonna be a full-size Transformer with a fully-integrated alarm clock
and then you find out it's also a silly raccoon ballbag monster. Take that truth bomb back to '84!
So the clock itself is pretty basic. It's pretty much a repurposed wristwatch.
Am I gonna review a clock? It's a clock. It's got hands on it and numerals around the circumference.
There's an extra yellow one there for the alarm which - all right, that IS weird. That doesn't work in this mode.
That's a choice!
Plus some bonus theming there that looks like it means something but doesn't?
Like, those dials are just printed. They don't do anything.
He's a time boy! He does time things!
So yes, the beast mode on Bilbo Ballbaggins here is actually a real treat!
It does the thing it does as professionally as it can while fearlessly slathering on the silly novelty schmaltz
but backin' it up with piles of personality and a copious quantity of charisma!
Scrotally amazeballs.
Transformation's an unusual move for Neo
in that it's intuitive, straightforward, and doesn't make me wanna bite my own fingertips off at the knuckle.
He just opens up! The head makes way for the head, the arms remain the arms, the butt transforms into a butt.
Gotta say, that waist hinge is a bit scary 20-something years on, but we vibe!
There's something very classically Beast Wars about it - it's much more Polar Claw than Mach Kick, and thank God.
And that energy very much carries forward into the heroically handsome hunk of a bot mode!
Big Beanz Meanz Heinz here just feels very Season 1 Beast Wars, very Maximal, like a righteous mecha mammal man!
'Cos the robo components
are actually super lush and they mesh weirdly well with the fuzzier portions.
It's very evocative of that anime-era beastie artwork where they just look like robots wearing faux furs.
Like, Heinrad's probably the best example I can think of of that aesthetic working well in toy form.
You can be fluffy and badass!
You can be soft and go hard!
I mean, check out that head! That is a low-key all-timer bot bonce
boasting a sleek and shimmery style and some timeless robot design.
Like, there's no stupid extreme 90s Ninja Turtle grimace or goofy rodenty cartoon buckteeth or whatever -
it's simply a handsome Autoboty visage with gorgeous angular deep red eyes,
this cool cobalt helmet and chinstrap, along with effortlessly integrated sculpted hair!
It's got goggles, man! Just sick-ass, stick-outy lime green cyberpunk hacker goggles with little Batman ears. Come on!
What is it with time boys and their goggles?
So overall, Heinrad just feels very polished and futurey. I love the silvery tones of the swish sky-blue leg metal
with cheeky hydraulic toe points, gobbly biomech muscle vibes and extremely unorthodox shin-mounted missile storage!
Arms are nicely round and vaguely bionic looking, boasting weird long hands and posable opposable thumbs,
totally holding their own, even while dangling from the generous vertical shoulder scoops.
Serious B'Boom vibes there!
And even in spite of the slightly odd shoulders, the articulation's remarkably solid.
It's weird - like, you've got some mildly restrictive ankles with no sideways tilt
and there is some kinda weird action on the go, but you can still basically manage most poses.
It feels kinda cool and unsanctioned, like he's operating outside the standardised system! Ooh, he's a maverick!
Anyway, you'll be delighted to know that the clock is actually fully operational in this mode
with like, the battery bay and the dial available for action 'round the back
and the head bompin' up and down to activate the alarm. (ALARM SOUNDS)
(ALARM SOUNDS)
(giggles)
It is kinda neat how well-integrated it all is, 'cos so much of the meat of the toy is dedicated to just being a clock.
The whole body is just the clock and the housing for the clock and yet, it doesn't feel forced either way?
It's just, being a clock is who he is!
Like, the clock works great and it's all fine, but it still has enough room to be a good toy in its own right.
Considering what this is, is a giant actoin figure that transforms and it's got a clock and balls,
it's amazing how tastefully it's pulled off!
I mean, I've come to expect a few things from Beast Wars Neo, and real shit, subtlety ain't on the list.
I think it's fair to say it's a line best known for its outlandish designs and calamitous kibblestrosities.
Heinrad ain't either of those, really. I mean, there IS kibble, but it's very low-impact!
You just got the little paws hangin' loose there, the tail is chillin'. It could just be a robot with a tail. Why not?
We do have shoulder-mounted head-halves, but like there's some token robot detail in there!
They tuck away well enough.
There you go, that could work. Is that better? I dunno.
It really ain't that bad, y'know. Next to lads like Break or Big Convoy, it's positively conservative!
Anyway, speaking of subtlety, where's his bollocks gone?
Where's the scrotum on this robot? Where is that scrobot?
They're just dangling. Quietly shoved off to the side like they're not even a thing
with that bright red sore-spot spark crystal shining bold as brass.
I'd get that looked at, mate.
Now then, what about J. Robert Oppenheinrad's tanuclear weapons?
Yes mate, our favourite big baller can combine his personal effects into an oddly classy launcher
which has the look of some gorgeous traditional ceremonial urn but is in fact a party bazooka powered by booze and debt.
Same. (laughs)
It's just so unusual, from the oddly piecemeal form of it to the sorta ceramic-looking surface
to the kanji and the stringy straps and the oddly protruding sideways handmount.
But what I think is most remarkable is that it's probably the weirdest thing about the robot mode!
Because I came to Robert A. Heinrad here prepared for the "whoah! weird!" factor
but the truth is, the gimmicks and the clock and the nutsack kinda precede him. They're almost a given. They're the hook!
What I wasn't expecting was for Heinrad to be a truly solid, decent Transformer
and one of my favourite examples of the Beast Era experience!
Just tight and tidy and symmetrical with very little limb-hang
and a heapin' helpin' of heart and honest-to-goodness handsomeness!
My impression of Beast Wars Neo does, regardless, remain unchanged.
It definitely lives at the quirkier end of the mysterious import spectrum and it definitely feels like they did it on purpose.
I'm still yet to encounter anything from Neo that wasn't wilfully weird, and Jessica Heinrad here is no exception.
I mean, it's up to you whether it's an amazing import prestige collectible or just a silly novelty alarm clock
'cos the truth is that it's kinda both! It can fulfil either need!
Is it charming? Yes. Is it cheesy? yes. Is it tacky? Yes. Is it brilliant? Yes.
And if nothing else, it's an uncharacteristically and gratifyingly straightforward feature-focused item
that houses several truly simgular gimmicks and nonetheless delivers a decent Transformery experience
and an utterly inimatable charm! And that's what makes Heinrad such a fine lad.
Balls.
God, my hands are a mess in this one. Sorry. I am a state right now.
Hope you enjoyed that one! Hope you didn't hate it. Hope you didn't think it was a load of bollocks.
Huge thanks to all the patrons for keeping me afloat out here, keeping the channel moving!
And especially, uh, theneoglitch! Not on purpose. I didn't pick that because of Beast Wars Neo.
These are truly random. theneoglitch just happened to show up on a Beast Wars Neo one. Thank you, theneoglitch!
See you next time, gang! Keep it foolish.
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Limited appeal, keepin' it real.