-Hi, and in this video, I'm going to share six simple steps
to kiss him like a goddess.
[music]
Hi, ladies, Mat Shaffer here, your empowerment, connection,
and relationship coach.
As you may know, I'm a former attorney who's committed his
life to supporting you and creating the sort of fun,
fulfilling, dynamic connections and relationships with men that
you are so profoundly worthy of.
That's why I love doing these videos.
I'm really excited about today's topic, I'm going to share with
you a simple six-step process that you can use to really activate and
inspire a man by kissing him, even if you've never kissed him before.
[laughs]
I'm really stoked to dig into this topic but before we
do, take a second, hit that little subscribe button and
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and relationships with men.
Ladies, go ahead and sound off in the comments, let us know what are
your favorite ways to kiss a man?
What are the ways that you found to really turn him on and activate him
and create that polarity with him?
I'd love for all of us to start sharing this stuff in the comments
so we can all become better kissers.
Kissing, what's not to love about it?
We all know it's a great way to connect with men and to turn a man
on and hopefully you too, [laughs] but it can be so much more than that.
I want you to look at kissing like a dance, a powerful form
of physical communication that allows you to truly build intimacy
with a man or men [laughs] that you are looking to get to know.
Kissing is a beautiful representation and expression of
the masculine and feminine energy dynamics between men and women.
The bottom line is you can create incredible polarity with a man
through kissing him the right way.
You might be asking me, Mat, what's polarity?
I'm going to give you the definition based upon my personal experience,
and my working with hundreds of clients around the world, and that
is, polarity is when the fully embodied masculine and feminine
energies come into connection and create this electricity and
dance together in this beautiful synergistic flow with each other.
Polarity is how relationships just unfold and expand.
I'm sure you felt it at some pointing your life and some of
your partnerships, when they've been easy, when they've powerful,
when you haven't had to force them for them to work and to grow.
Polarity is like a delicious tension that exists between you and your
partner when he's in his masculine and you're in your feminine and the
two of you are just doing what you've been designed to do energetically.
Now I'm going to give you a six-step process that's going to
help you activate that polarity within your man, inspiring him
to step deeper into his power and deepen your connection with him.
For each of these six steps, I'm also going to tell you what not to do.
So really, it's more like 10 or 12 really valuable tips that are going
to help you be a better kisser.
Buckle up let's do this.
Step one is to invite him to initiate the kiss non verbally.
An important concept in polarity is that the man gets to be the physical
driver of the relationship the majority of the time, and kissing is
a perfect way to build that pattern and dynamic between the two of you.
If a date or experience with a man is going well and you want
him to kiss you, the first step in that process is to initiate
him to do it non verbally.
Because here's the thing, if you just verbally ask or invite a man
to kiss you, it can kind of kill the chemistry and the polarity.
"Hello, sir, I would like you to kiss me now."
"Yo, bro, plant one right here."
"Would you just shut up and kiss me my lips are like the
Sahara Desert over here."
Can you see how from an empowerment perspective that might take a little
bit of the air out of a man's tires?
How can you invite his kiss non verbally?
One of the most powerful tools you have are your eyes and your smile.
So what you get to do is you get to look him in the eyes and smile,
and then look down at his lips for just a second and then look
back up while he's looking at you.
That's going to send a powerful signal nonverbally
of what it is that you want.
All right, and this may not be the most flattering
comparison but it's so accurate.
Think about when a dog wants to be fed, if you have a dog and he's
hungry, he's going to look at you until he sees that you're looking
at him, then he's going to look at his bowl then he's going to look at
you, then he's going to look at his bowl then he's going look at you
and again, it's effective, right?
Kind of a similar thing.
Another powerful nonverbal cue to get a man to kiss you is to be open
to him, open body physically, with your shoulders, open body in the
way that you're positioning your hips towards him, that's going to
let him know, "Hey, I'm interested," and invite him to come forward,
especially towards the end of a date.
This next nonverbal cue always gets me, licking your
lips during conversation.
If I'm on a date, and a woman is licking her lips, I often get
that unconscious pull to kiss her because it just feels like
it's something that she wants.
This last nonverbal kiss cue might be the best one of all It's to
allow for an awkward pause in the conversation between you and the guy.
Yes, this is a classic Seinfeld reference, if you got that-- Best
show ever, by the way, [laughs] but sometimes as a guy, especially
when we've never kissed you before, it can feel very aggressive to cut
off the flow of a good conversation to go in for that first kiss.
By you allowing the conversation to dwindle down a little bit and
then using some of those other nonverbal cues that we've already
talked about with your eyes, and your smile, and your body language, you
are basically rolling out the red carpet for him to lock lips with you.
The second step is, once he initiates, you want to meet him where
he's at, and then slow him down.
[laughs] This is important because a lot of times when a man initiates
physical contact or a kiss, he's going to be coming in hot.
I'm coming in hot.
If you don't slow him down right away, you're going to miss an
opportunity to really deliciously and slowly build tension and
polarity with him, and potentially quickly escalate a hookup or a
date into a physical space that maybe you're not ready for.
Remember, ladies, it's your job as the conductor of the
relationship to truly set the tempo, and build it up with him to
a crescendo of passion and polarity.
For those of you wondering about all the music references, I was a jazz
saxophone player for a lot of years so that's where that comes from.
[music]
If he comes in kissing you aggressively, meet his lips
gently and then pull back a little bit, inviting him to
come forward again, but softer.
If he's paying attention, he should get the picture, but if he doesn't,
feel free to take his head, take charge a little bit, and just guide
him into how you want to be kissed, how gently you want to be kissed.
It may be the brake pump he needs if he's caught up
in the heat of the moment.
The third step is to build the intensity of the kiss
with different sensations.
Trust me, it gets boring fast when a woman has a repetitive
kissing style, and I got a story about that, all right?
So, I was on a date with a girl, we had never kissed before but we
had incredible chemistry, I was super attracted to her, we had
this amazing dynamic, and then finally it came time to lock lips
and guess what, she had one move.
[laughs] She literally would do two kisses and then pull away two kisses
and then pull away she was just [unintelligible] over and over and
over and over again, she wouldn't mix it up, she wouldn't sustain a
kiss with me for any period of time.
This went on for 10 15 minutes, I got so bored and frustrated and I
started to feel like maybe I was making out with a malfunctioning
robot, or maybe I'm just in the matrix and the program is glitched
it just was not a fun experience.
Ladies, feel free to mix it up with a guy that you are dating, feather
your lips across his, and then press them in hard pull back a little bit
tease him, there's a little thing I like to call the magic inch and it's
where your mouths are really close to each other but not quite touching.
The more you can use that magic inch, it's going to build so much
tension and polarity with him.
Use your teeth softly pull his bottom lip a little bit, I
guarantee you that'll interrupt any kissing autopilot he may
have gotten himself into it.
Don't be afraid to use your tongue just be sure to start lightly so you
can gauge how much tongue he's into.
The bottom line is just get creative, keep things new and interesting and
pay attention to how he's responding.
There's no right or wrong way to do this, you just don't want to get
into that same pattern of kissing in the same way over and over again,
it'll get boring for both of you.
Step four is, you want to use your body to deepen the passion of a kiss.
Because here's the thing, it's definitely depolarizing to a
man to feel like a woman is keeping him at arm's length while
they're kissing, kind of like one of those awkward prom dances.
[music]
The type of dance where you have to keep your date at arm's
length because you don't want the chaperones to get mad at you.
Don't kiss a guy like that It's not a good look.
If you really want to build heat with him, use your body, press yourself
up against him when your lips are connected, wrap your hands around
the back of his head, and then use your nails down the back of his
neck, all the way down his spine, that is going to give him goosebumps
and drive him absolutely crazy.
Don't be afraid to even sway your hips gently against him,
if you want to let him know that you're turning him on.
This is of course for a kiss that is going places, if
you know what I'm saying.
Just remember that touch is a primary love language for
almost all men, so you can't go wrong, touching him more.
Step five is to guide him to kiss your neck.
I know that is a sweet spot for most women.
Here's the thing, ladies, men are not mind readers, we
don't know if you are open or wanting us to kiss your neck.
Be the conductor and give us some guidance.
Here's a few fun tricks to direct him to the sweet spot.
One way is when you're kissing and when you're making out, pretend
that you have to come up and take a breath and as you breathe in, he'll
be angling your neck towards his face and it's going to be a powerful
invitation for him to just go for it.
Another almost foolproof way to get him to kiss your neck is to
start kissing his ear, which is a huge hotspot for a lot of men.
We're going to go through all the hotspots in my next tip.
If you start kissing his ear, it's actually putting your neck right
at his face level, which is going to give him something to do while
you're kissing his ear and driving him crazy and turning him on.
If all else fails, ladies, don't be afraid to just grab a fistful
of his hair and pull his head down to where you want him to kiss
you, whether that be your neck or anywhere else on your body.
I know a lot of women are so afraid of being masculine in the bedroom
and out of the bedroom that they're unwilling to ever take charge or
just show a man what they want.
I'm here to tell you these masculine and feminine energies we're
talking about, this polarity, it is fluid, so it is okay for you to
take control and be the physical driver in a relationship or in
a physical situation as long as you're not there all the time,
you don't want to be running his show in the bedroom all the time.
As men, we appreciate it if you take charge every now and again.
The sixth step to kiss him like a goddess is to make sure to kiss
all of his hotspots, which may or may not include, these are common
hotspots for most man, his ears, and I don't just mean nibbling on
his ear lobe, I mean his upper ear, and most importantly, his inner
ear, for a lot of men, if that's one of their things, a little
tongue inside his ear a little bit will absolutely drive him bananas.
Try it, see how he responds, see if he likes it or
maybe it's too intense.
Either way, go for it.
Also, his neck and this might be under his chin, or around his
Adam's apple, or maybe in the back of his neck like under his ear.
Again, you want to test and you want to kiss different places and
then see how his body responds.
He's often not going to say anything, but you'll be able to
tell him what he's twitching or squirming or moaning for you.
If you're kissing your way down his body, don't
forget about his collarbone.
Right around his collarbone is extremely sensitive for most
men, and even our nipples.
Women don't really think about this but men's nipples are extremely
sensitive and they very rarely get any stimulation in their lives.
You kissing on his nipples and playing with them can be
incredibly arousing and often surprising to a man if a woman's
never done it to him before.
If you're working your way down his body with your lips,
do not forget about his lower abs because that creates such
a delicious polarizing tension for you to be kissing him right
around his breadbasket [chuckles] but you're not quite there.
The skin is very sensitive, and it is going to drive him wild.
Not just his lower abs but also down in his inner thighs.
This is for most men a really magic spot and it's so close to everything
else that it's going to create a sort of electricity with him and polarity
that few other kissing spots will.
That's just a handful of a man's hotspots.
I invite you to kiss a man all over his body and pay close
attention to how he responds.
Where does he squirm?
Where does he moan?
Where does he gasp?
That's when you know, boom, you've hit one of his, because,
for a lot of men, we all might have different preferences.
There you go, ladies, a six-step process to kiss him like a goddess,
and trust me when I say it works.
Step one is to invite him to initiate the kiss non verbally,
using your eyes and your smile, your body language, that
beautiful delicious awkward pass, and so many other techniques.
There are many ways to activate a man and invite him irresistibly
to lock lips with you.
Step two, once he initiates meet him where he's at,
and then slow him down.
Remember ladies, men have a tendency to come in hot and it's your job
as the conductor, to reel him in, get him to pump the brakes, and
slowly start building that delicious tension and polarity with you.
Step three, build the intensity of the kiss with different sensations.
Remember, men thrive off variety.
Use your tongue, use your teeth, use different intensities of pressure
with your lips, and it's going to knock him out of autopilot and
prevent him from getting bored.
Don't be a robotic cyborg matrix kisser.
Step four.
Use your body to deepen the passion of the kiss.
Don't make a kiss an awkward prom dance.
Get in there, press your body up against him, use
your hands, use your nails.
Men love touch, it is a primary love language for most of us
and he will really appreciate and be activated by that.
Step five, guide him to kiss your neck or anywhere else you want.
Position your body in a way where your neck or whatever you want him
to kiss is right there in front of his face, and in the heat of
passion, he should go for it.
If all else fails, grab him by the back of his head and pull
him right where you want him.
He wouldn't get off on it, I promise.
Step six, be sure to kiss all of his hot spots.
Remember, those are going to vary from man to man.
Some men, like me, we love getting our ears kissed very deeply and
passionately, other men, they might think it's sensory overload
or even that it's kind of gross.
It's going to be up to you to gently explore different areas
of his body and really figuring out what are his triggers?
What make him moan, and twitch, and squirm for you?
Think of it like a fun little treasure hunt.
I hope you enjoyed these tips, ladies.
Don't forget to let us know in the comments, what are your favorite
ways to kiss a man or ways that you create incredible tension and
polarity with him using your mouth?
Don't forget to click that little subscribe button, it really helps
me out and helps more people get access to discover this content.
Don't forget to click that link in the comments in caption, I
have created some great training that's going to make a huge
difference in your connection and relationships with men.
Thanks so much for stopping by, and I'll see you in my next video.
Bye-bye.
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