HAVE YOU SEEN
>> James: NATHAN LANE'S SHOW "THE GILDED AGE" TAKES PLACE IN
THE EGHTEEN HUNDREDS. YOU LOVE IT.
>> OH YEAH. >> YOU KNOW WHO ES BOBBY KRAFT.
>> NAN TASTIC SETTINGS, COMEDY OF MANNER ALL OVER THE PLACE.
IF YOU GOT LIKE AN UPSTAIRS DOWNSTAIRS SITUATION, TIE ME THE
[BLEEP], I MEAN. >> REG, IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN
TIME, AND LIVE IN ANY AND PLACE, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
>> Reggie: I OSCILLATE BUT I GENERALLY GO WITH THE LATE 7
OSEE, EARLY 8 OSEE. >> James: AN WHERE, WHERE
WOULD YOU WANT TO BE? >> NEW YORK CITY.
>> James: OF COURSE YOU WOULD. 100%.
>> YEAH. >> James: 50 SHADES.
>> I THINK IN ANY SORT OF TIME MACHINE SCENARIO I THINK IT IS
IMPORTANT THAT ONE IS VERY RIPPED.
>> James: OKAY. >> DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
>> James: YEAH. >> IT'S NOT LIKE, OKAY, I WANT
TOO GO TO THE REGENCY LONDON, I WOULD LIKE TO BE VERY RICH IN
REGENCY LONDON. >> James: I UNDERSTAND YOUR
POINT. >> COME ON, LISTEN,.
>> James: YOU HAVE TO SAY, AND THIS GOES FOR EVERYONE IN THE
STUDIO, IT ONLY HAPPENS I'M GOING TO SAY FIVE, SIX TIMES A
YEAR WHEN HAGAR WEARS SHADES FOR THE SHOW.
WHEN IT HAPPENS, IT EITHER MEANS THERE WAS A BIG NIGHT LAST NIGHT
OR THAT BIG NIGHT IS CARRYING ON AND YOU GOT TO GET OUT THE
[BLEEP] WAY? >> IT'S A BIRTHDAY WEEKEND.
>> BIRTHDAY WEEKEND. >> James: IT IS, HAGAR'S
BIRTHDAY ON. >> SATUDAY-- SUNDAY, PRETTY
SURE. >> James: ON SUNDAY.
(APPLAUSE) LOOK OUT.
OH MY GOD. >> NOT ENOUGH-- ON PLANET EARTH.
>> . >> YOU MISCALCULATED, JAMES.
>> James: BECAUSE YOU HAVE DONE TWO, NO, YOU HAVE DONE
THREE, ARE YOU SERIOUS, YOU ARE THREE DOWN.
>> IT IS A SERIOUS COMMITMENT. >> James: NO ONE DOES THREE
BALLS AND GETS AWAY WITH IT, HUH-UH.
ALL FLUMP ELLY. SHOULD HAVE HEARD THE THUMP
POLICE JUST OVER LA THR LIKE, I DON'T KNOW IF WE WANT THEM IN
THE STUDIO. ROB, CHILL OUT.
>> GIVE YOURSELF A DAY OFF T IS ONLY 12:37 IN THE MORNING.
BEN HAS IT-- HAS HAD TWO. A MESSAGE ON-- IS THIS-- THERE
IS A MESSAGE, FILM THE MONITOR THERE, MY PROMPTER.
IS THAT AN ACTUAL-- NOW BEN, IS THIS-- BEN, HAVE YOU WRITTEN
THIS BECAUSE ARE YOU SUDDENLY WORRIED THAT YOU ARE HAVING SOME
OF KIND OF SEIZURE? OR ARE YOU WANTING ME TO TELL
THE AUDIENCE. >> FIRSTLY, IT IS DELICIOUS.
(APPLAUSE) SECONDLY, SECONDLY, MY WORRY WAS
THAT THE AUDIENCE AT HOME MIGHT NOT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT. SO I DISCREETLY PUT IT IN YOUR
PROMPTER SO YOU WOULD EXPLAIN. >> James: I'M GLAD WE KEPT ALL
THIS DISCREATE. ARE YOU GOING TO LOSE YOUR BRAIN
OR WHAT? >> I DON'T FIND THIS FUNNY AT
ALL. >> James: WHEN YOU SAY THAT,
EVERYONE ELSE IN HERE FINDS IT WAY MORE FUNNY.
(LAUGHTER) SO THIS IS A BUZZ BALL, OKAY, IT
IS AMERICAN MADE, MORE IMPORTANTLY IT IS WOMEN-OWNED.
AND WHAT IT IS, IT IS A-- SO THEY SENT A TO THE STUDIO, I
DRUNK THE MAJORITY, I'M WORRIED, I IS THAT OKAY IF I COVER IT UP,
DOES THAT MAKE YOU HAPPIER. >> CAN WE GET TO THE NEWS?
CAN WE JUST GET TO THE NEWS, THE PART THAT AMERICA-- .
>> James: THIS IS MAKING YOU CRAZY.
>> YEAH. >> James: NICK, NICK, I'M
TELLING YOU, IT WASN'T WASN'T SHE HAS HAD SHADES ON, GET OUT
OF THE WAY, NICK. SHE WILL SLAP THAT FACE AND SLAP
YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE. I'VE GOT A SWEAT ON NOW THOUGH.
I FEEL IT, ON THE EDGES. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> YES, I DO. >> James: LOOK, WE'VE ALL GOT
A BUZZ GOING BUT AMERICA IS WAITING, AND THEY CAN WAIT NO
LONGER. THEY SHANT, THEY KANT, THEY WANT
IT'S TIME FOR, THE NEWS.
♪ JAMES CORDEN.
♪ NOTHING BUT THE NEWS. ♪ JAMES CORDEN.
♪. >> SO WE'VE GOT SOME NEWS, AND
THIS WHOLE NEWSCAST. ♪ IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY BUZZ
BALLS. >> James: YEAH.
>> CAN WE SAY THAT? I DON'T KNOW.
HERE WE GO. ♪ TALKING ABOUT THE NEWS.
♪ JAMES, IS TALKING ABOUT THE NEWS.
♪ JAMES. >> James: YES!
CORRECT. CORRECT.
CORRECT. YES.
YES. NICK BERNSTEIN WAS HAVING A
GREAT TIME. HE'S LIKE THIS IS GREAT FUN, AND
THEN STEVE SAID THIS IS SPONSORED BY BUZZ BALLS AND NICK
WENT LIKE THIS. BUT HERE IS THE NEWS.
THE HOUSE COMMITTEE INVESTIGATING THE JANUARY SIXTH
RIOTS NOW CLAIM THEY HAVE EVIDENCE DONALD TRUMP NOT ONLY
COMMITTED MULTIPLE CRIMES BUT ENGAGED IN A CRIMINAL CONSPIRACY
TO OVERTURN THE 2020 ELECTION. WOW, THE COMMITTEE MUST HAVE
FINALLY GOTTEN ACCESS TO google.com.
I MEAN THAT IT IS WHAT IT IS. I FEEL LIKE WE DO THIS STORY, I
FEEL LIKE THERE IS ANOTHER REALM OF THIS STORY EVERY OTHER-- LIKE
I FEEL LIKE I'M-- LIKE HOW I FELT WHEN I WAS WATCHING "LOST."
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. YOU KEEP TELLING ME ALL THESE
EXCITING THINGS, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOING AND THERE'S GONNA BE NO PAYOFF.
SERIOUSLY, AT THIS POINT, HEARING ABOUT TRUMP COMMITTING
CRIMES IS LIKE LISTENING TO A BUNCH OF GEN-Z KIDS SAY
"VIBES" TO EACH OTHER. IT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
IN OTHER NEWS, IT'S LENTEN SEASON FOR CATHOLICS AROUND THE
WORLD AND PRESIDENT BIDEN SAID THAT HE'S GIVING UP ALL SWEETS
FOR LENT, INCLUDING ICE CREAM. BIDEN'S GIVING UP SWEETS.
AND THAT'S IN ADDITION TO GIVING UP ON THE BUILD BACK
BETTER ACT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.
IN TWO WEEKS, BIDEN WILL BE DESPERATELY ASKING THE SUPREME
COURT TO MAKE A RULING ON WHETHER OR NOT GELATO COUNTS
AS ICE CREAM. I NERCH THOUGHT WE WOULD SEE
THIS DAY, GEN WINLY, LIKE JOE BIED EVERYONE, WITHOUT ICE
CREAM. AT THIS SOMBER TIME LET'S TAKE A
LOOK AT SOME. MOMENTS THAT TOUCHED ALL OF US
AT A NATION
>> James: IN OTHER NEWS, LONDONERS EXPERIENCED
A SECOND STRAIGHT DAY OF TRAVEL CHAOS TODAY.
TEN THOUSAND TRANSPORT WORKERS WENT ON A TUBE STRIKE THIS WEEK,
SHUTTING DOWN THE TUBE, LONDON'S SUBWAY SYSTEM.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, BRITISH PEOPLE TRAVEL ON THE SUBWAY.
YEAH, CONTRARY TO HOW WE'RE PORTRAYED IN THE MEDIA, BRITISH
PEOPLE TRAVEL AROUND ON SUBWAY TRAINS, WE DON'T ALL FLOAT FROM
PLACE-TO-PLACE VIA MAGICAL UMBRELLA.
IT'S TOTAL CHAOS. LONDONERS ARE FRUSTRATED AND
STRESSED OUT. WHICH OF COURSE THEY'LL BOTTLE
UP LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE, UNTIL ONE DAY YEARS FROM NOW, WHEN
THEIR SON MAKES AN INNOCENT MISTAKE INVOLVING A BASEBALL AND
A NEIGHBOR'S BIRD MOUSE, THEY'LL JUST EXPLODE!
(LAUGHTER) SORRY, I
BUT THIS SITUATION BRINGS UP A VERY IMPORTANT POINT.
IF "TUBE STRIKE" ISN'T A JASON STATHAM MOVIE WITHIN THE NEXT
SIX MONTHS, WE'VE FAILED AS A SPECIES.
AND DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS? TOMORROW, THREE TONS OF
SPACE JUNK WILL CRASH INTO THE MOON AT NEARLY SIX THOUSAND
MILES AN HOUR. THE COLLISION WILL SUPPOSEDLY
LEAVE A CRATER BIG ENOUGH TO FIT "SEVERAL SEMI TRACTOR-TRAILERS."
IS THAT REALLY A UNIT OF MEASUREMENT THAT PEOPLE ARE
USING? IS THAT WHAT WE'RE DOING?
IS THIS A THING WE'RE DOING? IS THAT WHAT WE ARE DOING NOW.
I NEVER HEARD ANYONE BE LIKE "YOU HAVE A BIG HOT TUB?
HOW MANY TRACTOR-TRAILERS CAN FIT IN IT?"
SIN WHEN DO WE MEASURE ANYTHING BY TRACKER TRAILERINGS, LIKE
WHEN ARE YOU HAVING A BABY, YOU SAY TO YOUR WIFE, HOW BIG IS IT,
IT IS A-- [BLEEP] WHEN DID WE START MEASURING [BLEEP], HOW BIG
IS YOUR LIVING ROOM. ♪ 24 ORANGES.
>> ALTHOUGH THREE TONS OF SPACE JUNK
IF "THREE TONS OF SPACE JUNK" ISN'T A JASON STATHAM MOVIE IN
THE NEXT SIX MONTHS, WE'VE FAILED AS A SPECIES.
AND IT WAS MY PERSONAL DUTY TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS.
ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY, AMERICANS HAVE VERY POOR
KNOWLEDGE OF BRITISH CULTURE. ACCORDING TO THE STUDY, NEARLY A
QUARTER OF AMERICANS FIRST LEARNED OF ENGLAND'S PREMIER
LEAGUE FROM "TED LASSO." WOW, TIME FLIES.
THE PREVIOUS GENERATION HAD TO LEARN ABOUT BRITISH CULTURE
THE OLD FASHIONED WAY. FROM "AUSTIN POWERS."
THIS IS TRUE, ONLY TWENTY-NINE PERCENT OF AMERICANS KNEW THAT
HARRY STYLES IS BRITISH. ONLY TEN PERCENT KNEW THAT DUA
LIPA WAS FROM THE U.K. AND GUYS, I HAVE SOME NEWS ABOUT THE
BEATLES THAT IS GOING TO BLOW. YOUR.
MIND. MOVING ON.
MOVING ON, THE LUXURY BRANDS CARTIER AND TIFFANY AND CO.
ARE IN THE MIDST OF A LEGAL BATTLE.
CARTIER SUED TIFFANY, CLAIMING THAT TIFFANY HIRED A FORMER
CARTIER EMPLOYEE SOLELY TO ACCESS THEIR CONFIDENTIAL TRADE
SECRETS. WHAT KIND OF TRADE SECRETS COULD
THERE BE? DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL'S BEST
FRIEND." TIFFANY AND CARTIER, TIFFANY AND
CARTIER. BUT THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I ALWAYS
GO TO JARED'S. TO AVOID THE DRAMA.
AND THIS WAS NICE, AFTER CARTIER SUED, TIFFANY WAS KIND ENOUGH TO
PRESENT THEM WITH THEIR LEGAL RESPONSE DOCUMENTS LIKE THIS:
AND FINALLY, WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.
A MAN GOT A MASSIVE TATTOO OF A TIGER ON HIS BACK, AND THEN
HAD SOME CONCERNS ABOUT HOW IT TURNED OUT.
SO HE POSTED A PHOTO ONLINE, ASKING IF ANYONE ELSE COULD SPOT
ANYTHING ODD. THEY COULD.
TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF, ESPECIALLY AROUND THE NOSE AREA,
OH, MAN, AND IT WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA OTHERWISE.
I WOULD RATHER HAVE AN ACTUAL, LIVE TIGER ON MY BACK THAN THAT
ON ME. BUT ONCE HE REALIZED WHAT THE
TIGER'S NOSE LOOKED LIKE, HE QUICKLY HAD THE TATTOO
ADJUSTED. HERE'S THE NEW VERSION,
AND THAT'S THE NEWS! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK