What is the worst movie you've ever seen?
No, I'm not talking about "Transformers 2" or "Grown Ups 2".
I mean, a movie so bad, fundamentally broken,
that it leaves a pit on your stomach,
or makes you feel frustrated and angry beyond any reasonable measure.
This is a question I've been asking myself for a while and I think it's about time to do something about it.
So I pulled up the list of the bottom 100 lowest rated movies on IMDb
and I'm going through them one by one to find the worst movie ever.
Welcome to "The Search for the Worst".
[IHE Theme]
"Birdemic 2: The Resurrection" is the worst thing in the history of anything ever,
but simultaneously is also the most Intriguing.
I was scared that this movie will be one of two things:
I imagined it would either be the exact same thing as the first movie again,
or it will become all self-referential and rejoice in its own ironic existence.
Too bad it turned out to be a perfect amalgamation of the two.
I mentioned in the original "Birdemic" video that I genuinely couldn't tell if the movie was being serious or not,
but I do think I've figured it out.
But we'll get onto that later, though.
We begin by hearing a very similar tune.
[opening song to "Birdemic"]
It's the exact same music that played at the beginning of the first movie.
Almost instantly though, we Switch over to one of the new characters.
The music completely changes and the tone feels different.
It's almost like as a certain arrogance to it now.
Just...just look how he's walking.
Makes a bit of a change compared to the bloke from the first movie,
who was like a scared child who needed to ask permission before he was allowed to do anything.
I have to admit, I was initially impressed.
I thought that maybe the director, James Nguyen (new-en),
I think that's how you say his last name. I don't know.
Look how it's spelt, who gives a fuck.
I thought, 'Huh...'
'Maybe he gets it.'
'Perhaps this is-' Oh...
He didn't learn a fucking thing, did he?
While this dude was walking around, I coulnd't help but notice that certain aspects of the scenery were blurred out.
Obviously for legal reasons,
but come on, this is supposed to be a movie.
It's even so bad at one point, that the entire crowd that appear are completely blurred.
It's just...
Jesus Christ.
Five minutes and 28 seconds is how long this dude walks around for the intro of this movie.
About two times as long as the bloke driving in the first one.
[Waitress] "Hi."
Oh, come on.
Really movie? You're gonna start with the exact same thing in this one?
Was this supposed to be a callback for humor's sake? Or was it more to show how he's improved?
Because it's really neither of those things.
Maybe this director can't think of any other way to start a movie.
Who knows? To at least be slightly fair, this sequel is admittedly more competent as a movie.
In some ways at least.
The audio is much more consistent and the cinematography is slightly better.
I...I guess.
So this dude has the exact same conversation with this lady, that the bloke in the first movie
had with the lady in the original.
Except this time, it turns out the main character as a film director
and this girl is a struggling actress.
[Dude] "I'm a movie director."
[Dude] "Are you an actress?"
[Girl] "Yeah."
He offers her up some movies he's making because...
Look...look, who gives a shit. Let's just move on
For absolutely no reason at all, because movie,
the original two characters from the first one come in and have a chat about how this guy is a great director,
who impressed everyone at the Sundance Film Festival.
[Bloke] "Last time I saw you was at Sundance premiering 'Four Seasons',"
[Bloke] "which by the way swept Sundance."
[Dude] "We had so much fun."
Why would he be talking like this to the director of the fucking movie?
As if he wouldn't know this?
They take a slash at big Hollywood movies for some weird reason.
[Bloke] "After that, you did that, uh, Hollywood film, 'In the Sand', right?"
[Dude] "I wish I hadn't."
[Bloke] "Why?"
[Dude] "It bombed."
[Dude] "Because I didn't have creative control."
[Dude] "You know, final cut."
That lady really looks like she wants to be there, doesn't she?
She's having a whale of a time.
Then the two dudes high five because the bloke from the first one agreed to put a million dollars into Dude's new movie.
They high five about three times in this movie.
For the stupidest shit, as well.
And one time they missed the high five completely...
but they still use the take!
They go on to explain how everything is going great in their lives.
[Dude] "Heard you did quite well in Silicon Valley."
[Bloke] "Yeah I made a lot of money off these two high-tech startup companies,"
[Bloke] "NCT Software and Mad(?) Solar."
[Dude] "Good for you. Let's toast to that."
But...
But di-...
Weren't you attacked by killer birds?
Wasn't there a horrible apocalypse that killed most of the people in Half Moon Bay?
They seriously don't even mention it until precisely 54 minutes and 50 seconds into an hour and 19 minute long film.
[Lady] "Few years ago, Rod and I were attacked in s small town called, Half Moon Bay.
[Lady] "The resident bird expert there,"
[Lady] "he said that it might be global warming."
[Bloke] "It has to be global warming."
About 15 minutes into this film, I began to realize something.
This dude Is completely fucking with the director, just to see what he can get away with.
He keeps doing this fake-ass smile and looking at the other actors, raising his eyebrows,
and pulling weird faces.
It gets so bad at one point, that one of the actors starts laughing because of how goofy he's being.
[three-way high five]
[Lady laughs]
But they leave it in the movie.
I noticed that pretty much the entire Cast Is reused from the first movie.
The dudes go to try to find funding for their Movie at some big movie company,
and the two guys who offer them funding are two different characters from the first movie,
being played by the same actor.
What?
What's happening?
[Dude] "We're making a movie!"
Look at this. Look. This is how a scene where they're talking on the phone about some shit ends.
[chair creaks loudly]
[slam phone into cradle]
[chair creaks again]
Presumably, because the chair squeaked really loudly, you thought they'd do another cut.
But nope. He leans back and tries to not laughs at how terrible it is.
And not only do they use the shot in the first place, but they leave it hanging for a painful five seconds or so.
We end up on a beach, where for no reason at all,
literally for no reason at all, just out of nowhere, it cuts to some woman swimming in...
Look...I trust all of you can tell she's obviously on a fake-out looking green screen and not swimming at all.
And then...no.
What?
Is that a jellyfish?
Is that a je-...is that supposed to be a jellyfish?
She runs out of the Ocean screaming, 'Ow.'
And these four twats keep describing the jellyfish, not only as a jellyfish,
but as a...
[Woman] "A giant jumbo jellyfish."
[AIR HORNS]
That ambulance...I...
W-what Is that? And this is only 27 minutes into the movie.
This is only 27 minutes.
HAAGH
For no reason at all, they go to a museum.
And one of the kids from the first one, who's not even been in this movie at all until now,
randomly appears and says:
[Boy] "I wish Susan could have been here to see this bird skeleton, but she got..."
[Boy] "A disease from that fish that Rod cooked."
You mean the fish that both of you refused to eat?
She didn't even touch it.
[Susan] "Noo, I want a Happy Meal!"
Is this supposed to be funny?
What's even going on?
[Bloke] "Hey, let's talk to Jones."
[Dude] "Who's Doctor Jones?"
[Bloke] "Oh, someone I recently met."
[Dude] "Oh..."
Yeah, someone we recently met in the FUCKING BIRDPOCALYPSE.
Why am I even doing this?
The birds are not even in this movie yet.
And this is the good part of the movie.
This!
This is the good part in comparison to what's to come.
[Jones] "Prehistoric eagles and vultures..."
[Jones] "Actually it-take...attacked Cape-"
Do you...do you want to try that again?
You wanna give that another try, do ya?
No? Moving on.
Why is this character back in the movie?
What relevance does her mum have to do with anything?
[Lady] "Okay, we'll get you gin, uh, gin and tonic."
Oh, y-you want to try that again? You wanna redo that?
Okay, moving on.
It rains red, because movie.
Birds come out of the ancient tar, because movie.
And then the movie ends, because movie.
Can I...Can I really end it there? C-can I just skip the rest of this?
Fine, fine, I'll continue, but if I don't survive this is your fault.
So the first time we actually see the main characters trying to make the movie they've been going on about for
the first 45 minutes, the birds attack and they will grab coat Hangers in a funny and hilarious nod to the original movie.
So clever.
[shitty gun sfx]
What?
D-did that bird just fly Into his neck and disappear?
[more shitty gun sfx]
That umbrella is behind the bird, even though it should be in front of it.
What...why do I even care at this point?
[Dude] "Let's go."
[Director James Nguyen] "Slow it down a little..."
Oh, oh, guys. Do you wanna check that? Do you wanna listen to that again?
You can hear the director instructing his act-...ok, maybe not. Moving on.
I guess there was that one exciting part where they shoot a bird literally in half and it looks like dog shit.
Then they use it again like...13 times.
I'm not even joking.
They just cut to it over and over because they're so fucking lazy.
Look, that bird is flying upside down.
And that one.
[squeaky toy bird sounds]
[gunshots]
He just threw his gun away in favor for...kicking a bird.
He's trying to a kick a bird out of the air.
[Lady] "We gotta get hell out of this Hollywood studio backlot before the..."
[Lady] "Before the birds kill us all?"
You see that? You thought that was in the movie, didn't you?
That's genuinely a behind-the-scenes clip.
When you can't tell the difference between a behind-the-scenes joke clip and your actual movie...
Well, I guess you haven't really made a movie at all, have you?
[Girl] "Strange and weird things are happening in the environment right now."
[Asian Dude] "Guys, can we just change the subject?"
[Asian Dude] "'Jaws' happens to be one of my favorite movies."
I... *sigh*
I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm gonna go get a drink of water. I'll be back in a sec.
[IHE in the background, away from mic] ...goddamn video, but this is the worst one yet. I-I-I can't take this. You know...It's...it's so awful.
[IHE in the background, away from mic] I-I've never seen anything so bad. It's insulting to me. It's hurting me. I can feel...
[IHE in the background, away from mic] You know, your blood vessels aren't really...you know, they're not...a thing, they don't have feelings,
[IHE in the background, away from mic] but my feelings at the moment, everything inside me is feeling hate towards this movie. And I can't deal with it.
[Someone else, away from mic] 'W-what are you going to do?'
[IHE in the background, away from mic] What am I, what I gonna do is get a drink of water and I'm going to stop.
[Someone else, away from mic] 'You can't, you can't stop. What do you mean?'
[IHE in the background, away from mic] I'm gonna...fine. Fine. Jesus fucking Christ.
They go to Desert World and save some girl. And that's the scene.
[Asian Dude] "What is your name?"
[Jessica] "Jessica."
[Asian Dude] "I'm Will and I'm a screenwriter."
They walk along a bit and then find the tree hugger from the first movie, who now has his own TV show.
And that's the scene.
They get into a huge van from "Jurassic Park 2" and drive it around for a bit. And that's the scene.
They go into a movie theater, but everyone inside is being attacked by birds.
And that's the scene.
They take a shortcut through a cemetery for no reason.
Then the red rain makes all the dead people into zombies,
who kills the girl they just saved. And that's the scene.
[Asian Dude] "We should've brought Jessica with us."
[Bloke, still wooden acting] "No, she's dead. She was bitten by that zombie. If we had brought her, she would've infected all of us!"
[Dude] "Yeah, Will. He's right."
[dramatic piano chord (DUNDUN!)]
They go to a zoo and some weird zookeeper tells them that the birds are only attacking because of global warming.
Then they leave and continue to drive their huge van from "Jurassic Park 2".
Then they get beaten up by cavemen.
And that's the scene.
That's the payoff for the cavemen coming back to life from the red rain and tar.
Oh, yeah, that that happened, by the way.
Then they get a can of Coke from a vending machine.
I'm seriously not making this up.
Then the Asian guy gets killed, but not before he slowly walks over to the swimming pool and falls into it.
Then they leave the shot hanging.
And the movie ends.
That is actually how the movie ends.
The birds just fly off and the movie ends.
This movie leaves you with so many questions, like...
Why was this movie made?
Or...how was this movie made?
Or...why did anyone agree to let this movie be made?
Or...why did anyone agree to be in this movie?
This isn't a movie.
I-I don't know what it is, but it's not a movie.
I mentioned earlier that I had a theory behind this piece of shit and here it is:
The director is a stupid, retarded asshole
who uses the main characters in his movies as self-inserts for his own stupid life.
This bloke is a software engineer.
Whoa!
Just like James Nguyen's day job.
This dude is a movie director.
Whoa!
Just like James Nguyen. He's directed a movie or two.
He's clueless.
[Bloke] "You alright?"
He doesn't know what he wants. He can't write.
And he doesn't know when people are doing joke takes because he probably can't speak english very well.
[James Nguyen] "Action!"
[Dude] "Ahh! Get off of me! This is such a foul situation!"
[dumps shit on him]
[Dude] "AUGGGH!"
He's delusional. He's a fucking loon.
[James Nguyen] "'Birdemic 2' is gonna help you with your career, and who knows..."
[James Nguyen] "There's no guarantee but...maybe stardom, who knows?"
[Girl] *awkward laugh of disbelief* "Maybe."
[James Nguyen] "How's that sound?"
[Girl] "Yes. Sounds great."
He just doesn't get it. There was nothing clever,
nothing funny, nothing entertaining about this movie.
If it ever becomes any of these things, it certainly had nothing to do with James Nguyen.
All the charm and innocence from the first movie is completely lost.
Compared to the other movies in "The Search for the Worst", this is the worst one of them all.
It's boring and awful. It's insulting. It's the worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life.
"The Oogieloves" can fuck off.
Fucking everything about this movie. Fuck everyone who worked on this movie.
And fuck me for watching this movie.
[Cheesy American Accent] And up next in "The Search for the Worst" is...
You know what, I don't even care what it is.
I'm not even looking.
Literally anything would be better than "Birdemic 2", so bring it on.
So there it is folks, the atrocity known as "Birdemic 2".
What a load of shit. So terrible.
So, so terrible.
Just the sort of movie a 'James' would direct.
Not 'James Nguyen', I mean, you know, 'James'...
Yeah...
So what do you think? You like the video? You dislike the video? Tell me in the comments below.
And as always, thanks for watching.All comments and ratings are appreciated. I'll see you next time.
BYE.
[James Nguyen] "I create the franchise. Don't you ever embarrass me and fight me again. Okay?"
[James Nguyen] "You go, don't touch me. Go get job done."
[Guy] "James."
[James Nguyen] "Go get job now."
[Guy] "I'm not threatening you..."
[James Nguyen] "You are threaten me right now, okay!?"