Literally Segura shows up.
We don't know what we're shooting and we're
sitting there going.
So what do we do?
Like, how are we going to do this?
I know we got an emu coming.
I know I have an ounce of weed and we've
got a crystal healer.
So what, like
This is What a Joke with Tom Papa and Fortune Feimster
on Netflix is a Joke Radio.
We didn't know what the show was when we started
and Fortune, you know, that.
Like you came out there and we had no plan whatsoever.
And what happened was we started casting or
reaching out to casting as, you know, reaching out
to the comics to do it.
And we couldn't get anyone to commit.
Cause we were doing it in late December.
And then by the time we got people committed, it was
too late to write a script.
And so we're like, all right.
I mean, honestly, the initial idea of this show was
nothing like what we've got.
And I'm sure Netflix doesn't want me saying this, but I
will say this very candidly.
The comics like Fortune Tom, Joey, um, Joel, uh, Kaley.
Cuoco, Ms.
Pat, uh, Donnell Rawlings, Bobby Lee, Big Jay
Oakerson, Anthony Anderson, Deon Cole, everyone.
They saved the show.
They just made the show.
Like we did not know what we were doing.
But you just put Bobby Lee in a funny situation,
you put me and Fortune in a funny, funny situation.
And it turns out funny.
Yeah.
They didn't tell me anything.
They were just like, uh, you're going to open this
door and Bert will be there.
And I go, okay.
I literally, literally it was morning, morning
of Fortune's coming up.
What do you want to do?
And I'd want to do a mud bath this whole time.
So you got this really high-end mud out of Arizona
and filled up a tub with it.
And I got in and it felt so funky.
It was like crazy.
And then Fortune rolled in.
We hung out.
We made ice cream and, uh, good.
We milked sheep and goats.
Oh thats right we milked goats.
Bert was really good at it.
He was like, I was like doing this.
Nothing was happening.
Surprise, surprise.
I'm good at it.
And you're bad at it.
All right.
I got her.
You really do not have her for the record
you do not have her.
Don't worry.
I got really good.
All right, come on, baby.
Come on, baby.
Here we go.
No.
Did you really just go like this?
Yeah!
No, you go.
Ahhhh!
This is the beauty of comedians, I guess, is
that they're so quick and the lines are so good.
It's like, I knew it wasn't written, but it felt like
it would take like writers like a month to come up with
these lines that were so good.
When you brought comics out, you're getting amazing
writers who know a ton about you, who we know a ton about.
So it's like, almost like it's almost like an improv
group that grew up together.
And Joel and Joel was.
Joel slid right in.
And Ms.
Pat was like, what's up Ryan Seacrest.
He goes, what's up Lizzo.
Hey Ryan Seacrest
Hey, what's going on?
Lizzo,
Ryan Seacrest
Thank you
Its Lizzo.
And Paul Giamatti, everybody.
When he called me Lizzo I hollered.
He called you Lizzo.
I love when you were shitting on the soup.
Ms.
Pat came out swinging.
It's Netflix, you know, we comedians, we got
you either win or lose.
I really like getting on Joe McHale's back.
I had to make sure I didn't hurt him.
So he wouldn't sue me
Me getting on his back, look like.
Uh, I was committing a crime.
He can take it.
No way.
He was trying to pull me out that water.
He had no upper arm strength.
I was like, you never slept with a Fat girl before?
So he just looked at me.
He was like they don't build them like you in Hollywood.
It's almost like you guys should do, could
do a spin off of like the odd couple together.
You hear that Netflix?
It ain't no go up there and take it right.
I'm fat.
No, you're going to be fine.
You are not fat.
Put me on your back.
All right.
Let's go.
Get down all the way down.
I can't.
Some more.
There we go.
Let's go.
All right.
That's as far as I can go, let's do it.
I get on the Soup guy back.
This is so sexy.
This is great.
I love the noise its making.
Ms.
Pat's getting a lot of flack from a lighting up
Kaley Cuoco saying she didn't like Big Bang Theory.
Oh, really?
You know Ms.
Pat.
She doesn't care.
She's the best.
At one point, Kaley Cuoco goes when I was
13, I was on a sitcom with John Ritter and Ms.
Pat goes, I was pregnant.
And Kaley goes, you were pregnant when I
was on that sitcom?
Ms.
Pat goes, no, I was pregnant at 13.
She on the Big Bang Theory?
Yeah.
Who the fuck black watch that?
It literally is the most popular comedy of all time.
I know.
I can't watch this too.
Nerdy.
I'm so glad that you don't.
Too smart.
I'm not dumb.
It's just it's corny, I can't get into it.
I mean, I don't get the jokes.
And I remember, when y'all started a million
dollars an episode.
And I was like, who the fuck is watching this show?
To pay these people a million dollars an episode
The way Bert Kriesher laughed at that.
At the end, I was like, I need to beat his ass.
He was setting me up.
He knew I was going to be real with these people.
They were so scared of me too.
I'm like, what the fuck?
I wanted to say 10 years ago, 20 years ago, I probably
would have robbed you, but I'm alright right now.
I don't know what would make him think
I know who Kaley was.
I'm like I watch drug dealing movies.
Yeah.
You're not watching the Big Bang.
Why would I watch this show with five boys
who can't get laid?
I don't wanna see that.
The Big Bang fans were, uh, talking crap to ya online.
Cause they didn't like that.
You said you didn't like Big Bang is that right?
Yeah.
And I was cussing them out too.
I said you ran up on the right one today.
I was like, I can't spell, but you understand when
I get through writing this, you should see me,
screaming at my phone.
Yall were having a good time.
No.
Or was it for real, like weird.
We was having a good time.
It was a successful show, funny to some
people I didn't get it.
And that's all I was trying to tell people.
Right, right.
At one point, Kaley
Cuoco was like, what am I doing it?
Right.
And I was like, yeah, it's just like, I feel like
I'm not doing anything.
I'm not being funny.
I go, you're being hilarious.
Don't do anything.
You're doing it.
Perfect.
But you know, she comes from.
Literally 41 pages of script and then
memorize it and say it.
Yeah, exactly.
Anthony Anderson surprised the crap out of me, dude
is like professionalism.
Like he showed up and he was like, I'm game for whatever.
And you know, you don't get that with like, Celebrities
all the time he put on a beekeeping outfit, he got
really into beekeeping.
You start like, he, it was almost like
he was auditioning.
I swear to God, like he was that into it.
And I think it was being around.
I think it was, you know, he's been an actor and
a celebrity for so long.
I think people forget he started in standup and
he wanted to be a part of that standup circle again.
And he was.
He was awesome.
Donnell was actually saying that you kind of tricked
him into doing the show.
That motherfucker, tricked me.
You didn't know what you were getting into?
No, no.
I thought I knew what I was getting into.
He, this is how he pitched it to me.
This is what I was pitch.
Hey, Donnell, I'm doing this great show is
going to be a way for brothers to get together.
He was like, just, we're going to be making smores all this
stuff I didn't do in my youth.
Right.
We're going to go fishing.
We're going to bond.
We're going to do all of this, and we're going to get
connected with each other.
In the first episode I'm going to do with you.
It's going to be me, you and Bill Burr.
So I thought it was a great episode.
I was like, I love the idea of the camaraderie,
the love Fest, the nature and everything.
But when I showed up, I knew something was
going to go wrong.
Yeah.
You can't tell Donnell what it is.
Cause he'll just say, no, you just gotta
trust me to trust me.
You're gonna love it.
You're going to love it.
We got wine.
We got vodka.
We got weed.
You're going to love it.
I showed up.
I was looking for Bill Burr's trailer.
Cause I wanted to say hi.
And in the place of Bill Burr's trailer,
it was Bobby Lee's.
When I saw that, I was like, there's about to
be some nudity, right?
Oh, Bobby, when did you get here?
Oh, I'm in here for like nine hours.
Good morning.
Well, shit.
This is a setup.
This is a setup because I had no idea what the
fuck this show was about.
And then Bobby Lee came back.
And made it feel like it was Rush Hour 3.
I don't want to be a part of this shit.
Is there any way I could take it?
Take a photo with you, me naked as well.
We can do that right now.
Do still right now, don't even put this on the show.
So I can go to go to my trailer right now,
this where I cut out?
I just want it for social media.
No, no.
All right.
This is where I get off here.
Thank you.
Oh, we should have done this Bobby.
The final edit.
They had put in, they left in so much male nudity so
much that like, like, I mean, me, Bobby Lee, like
it was so much male nudity.
And my wife was like, was like, is it, is it funny?
And I was like, I don't know.
She was like, I mean, she goes, it's not, I mean,
like I kind of go, Ugh.
And I'm like, you married me.
And if Im saying that a lot of people are going
to be going .ugh And they took a lot of it out.
I got to clean Bert's butthole.
I sprayed.
I sprayed his butthole with a with a hose.
Bobby Lee got in my butthole Fortune, got
in my butthole, Nikki Glaser got in my butthole.
I cleaned them off from his mud bath.
I surprised them with the.
Sweet spot.
She was like, she was like bend over.
It was like, that game is like those carnival games.
The balloon with the hose.
You got to hit him right in the mouth.
Yeah,
I saw .Bert's weiner twice.
So I feel bonded.
How is it?
It's horrible.
It's by the way, I have a small Dick, like
to the point where.
It's it's, you know, when you make you say that and then
you get a laugh and then yeah.
But then if you see it, you're saying, you're not laughing.
You're like, Oh I feel bad for his wife.
He's a grower.
We wouldn't,
I'm not even a grower really.
Me and Bert Kreisher together look like two Lesbians.
You seen how small that thing was on national TV.
I heard it's hard to see.
It.
Ain't rideable.
Oh, man.
I didn't think of it.
I didn't think of it in those terms.
Could you see yourself on top of him.
Scissoring With Bert Kreischer.
Only thing we can do is touch navels.
But I had no idea that I was about to do the things I did
and he didn't tell me nothing.
They put out of all people.
He put my big ass in a wetsuit.
So when I look back in, I looked like a whole whale
and the way they edit it, it looked like a mean as hell.
I just want everybody.
I'm not mean.
I'm the sweetest person in the world.
I will give you my draws off my back.
I swear I am a nice person.
First, when he took me, put me in the closet, he said,
I want you to put this on.
We going fishing.
And I knew it.
Didn't add up.
I say, who, fish in a scubadiving outfit you
know, I'm thinking this what you're going to
look for dead bodies in.
I cannot believe I'm out here in a dolphin outfit,
fooling around Bert Kreischer.
The creator of the show, a French guy.
Comes out when we're doing the coffee enema with Bobby
Lee and Donnell Rawlings.
So he comes out and he's like, uh, he's like, Oh,
I'm so thank you so much.
I cannot wait to see this, how you do so, but I can, I have a
script I would like to follow along, Oh, there's no script.
And he goes, Oh, you just memorize.
And I go, well, no, we kind of like adlib.
He goes, okay.
I will not bother.
We go to give a coffee enema.
We have no idea how to do it.
And Bobby Lee has the, the spicket on.
So it's, it's on go.
Looking in it now.
He didn't even look away, Tom.
He looked directly in his ass.
Donnell pours it on, and coffee starts
going everywhere.
I think I've shit myself, me that squirting everywhere.
And Donnell thinks it's me.
I'm like fire in the whole!
Fire in the whole!
Goes over there and then put a real enema in.
It goes in and I squirts out onto Bobby.
The guy who created the show is.
Crying laughing.
And he comes over and he goes, how did you do that?
And I go, I have no idea, man.
Donnell.
Let me do the mixture.
You do the mixture.
They both go inside you?
No, just the one that's connected to this.
So you're doing is right here, son.
Yeah, Right here.
Let me do it.
Let me get all right.
Where's the hole part?
Yeah.
Here you go.
I've never seen your asshole before.
Yes, you have motherfucker.
Don't stab it.
I say fire the hole.
Give it to him.
Stop saying fire in the hole.
If you gangster be gangster.
I'm not going to take it gangster.
Yes, you are.
You just do the tip, just do the tip.
Just do the tip
10, 9, 8
gentle swear to God, if you fucking
3, 2, 1.
Fire the hole!
We filmed, some of the phone calls or, or, uh, FaceTimes,
like we filmed one with my dad about Caitlyn Jenner.
Cause my dad was really freaked out about me
talking to Caitlyn Jenner.
He was?
Yo, he was terrified.
He's like, buddy, don't do it.
Don't do it.
This is where people is where people mess up.
Is where people mess up.
You got good intentions, but you're an idiot.
You're going to say the wrong gender.
Everyone's going to cancel you.
It's not worth it.
But my dad talked about track and field.
He was a big track and field guy, and it was
what was supposed to be a funny segment, became
very heartfelt and my dad got emotional and he said,
you know, you're my hero.
And Caitlyn was like, thank you very much.
And then I started crying and then I got emotional
because my dad's not that guy.
He's not, he doesn't care about like
celebrity at all at all.
Like, but you know, Caitlin Jenner for my dad represents
a big period in his time where he gave up track and field was
going to law school just had me, was watching the Olympics.
His buddy was running in the Olympics and he had ran with,
and then to watch Caitlyn just kind of dominate and.
You know, for my dad was like, amaz like it
was really emotional.
We wanted to kick it in big.
I didn't run for 12 years of my life in 70 miles a week to
run the last 400 meters slow.
But anyway, it's very nice to meet you.
Yeah, you're a hero.
Well, thank you.
I appreciate that.
It's a real pleasure to talk to you.
Nice talking to you.
All right, dad.
I
love you.
Bye.
Okay,
I'm going to get emotional real quick.
I never heard my dad talk to anyone like that.
Really?
I would do this show again in a heartbeat.
Cause I had a great January.
I had a great January living in a cabin.
It was awesome.
Premise was go up there and get spiritualy cleansed
and sober up and yeah.
And be healthy and, and none of that.
And if I failed at everything.