Hello.
Hello, honey.
It's good to see you.
I didn't get here as fast as you wanted me to,
but I am here now.
Well here's the thing, we're supposed
to start the show at a certain time,
but every single day we start the show
usually about an hour early.
Well here's the thing, when you get
a schedule for hair and makeup and you
live about 40 minutes away--
That's your problem.
You mean I should just relocate to Burbank?
You should be closer, yes, like Toluca Lake.
I should just live in Toluca Lake.
I'd like that.
So when you call, I will jump.
Yeah.
No, I thought you were just--
Just hanging out just waiting to get to the Ellen Show?
Right, that's what I thought.
No, I'm nervous, I'm thinking about things.
I'm getting all gussied up for you guys.
Listen, don't even.
[APPLAUSE]
I don't know what she does with her money,
but this is what she looks like without anything on.
You just naturally are beautiful.
[APPLAUSE]
Burn your money.
I just burn my money.
Just burn your money to give it to somebody to-- they're
taking your beauty away.
I heard that I just had a million dollar body makeover.
Did you read that?
No, you got a million dollar body--
Apparently, I had a million dollar makeover.
Wow.
So there you go.
And it cost a million dollars.
Yeah.
That's amazing, so the whole body was done.
You just sort of lift it all, and then tie it, and snip it,
and throw it out.
You lift it, and tie it, and snip it?
I don't know.
Wow.
Yeah, it is unbelievable.
We talk about this all the time.
They just make up whatever they want to make up.
It's quite entertaining, though, isn't it?
I throw those away whenever I go into any kind of doctor's
office.
Where you got your makeover?
Where I got my make over.
Or anywhere and if I find--
I won't throw those away.
You're not going to throw this away.
I just I just saw this the other day.
[APPLAUSE]
Come on.
You know how you just lounge on a chair in the ocean?
You just sort of do that.
Where was this?
Where did you take this picture?
I was in the ocean, in the Pacific Ocean.
And it was just floating?
Just floating.
And I just was like, I'm going to swim out to that
and have some deep thoughts.
And that's what happened.
Well you look fantastic.
[APPLAUSE]
Now you enjoy being naked.
You take your--
I love it!
You do.
[LAUGHTER] That was intense.
I love it!
Well you take very good care of yourself.
And you enjoy doing activities.
I love activities.
You're not ashamed of--
like when you're holding your breasts like that
and getting a picture taken?
I'm not ashamed of that.
No.
No one should be.
No.
[APPLAUSE]
Do it now.
Do it right now?
Do it now.
Only if you did it with me.
Oh.
No, I don't even do that by myself.
Yes you do.
I know you sit there and you're just like--
I do.
Yeah, just waiting for Portia to come home with--
just at the garage.
Yes, shifting, wait, this position isn't good.
Can we talk about-- so you went to Mexico a while back
and had a very bad experience.
And I know you're not a good flier.
Oh, yes.
It was for my birthday, right.
It was your birthday extravaganza.
Yeah, I was surprised.
They were taking you to Mexico.
Yeah.
I didn't know where I was going, to be honest.
And it was supposed to be so low-key.
So low-key.
I hear from someone, Jen's plane is in trouble,
they had an emergency landing.
So I texted you right away.
Well you were actually-- what happened
was when we were in flight, it was very turbulent.
Everyone else is calm as a cucumber,
because they're not a afraid of flying.
And it's really bumpy and it's sort of on a tilt.
So it's about an hour and a half of white knuckling it,
and then the stewardess says to me,
the pilot would like to talk to you.
And I said, I don't want to talk to the pilot.
I sent one of my very calm friends
to go talk to the pilot.
And then came back to find out that we have actually
turned around and we're going back to California because we
think we've lost a wheel.
And I was like, oh well we've got seven more, right?
And then everybody on the plane started panicking.
Everyone who I look to for comfort and like, we're OK,
right?
Has got tears streaming down their faces,
are texting their children, their partners, their loved
ones.
And I was like, oh who do I text?
Bing!
And then, because you can get texts up in the air,
you're the first person that was like, are you OK?
And I was like, Ellen, I do have someone who loves me.
[LAUGHTER] I'm kidding.
But [LAUGHTER] I mean, I'm not, I love you.
You were very concerned.
[LAUGHTER]
But I couldn't believe how calm I became
and everyone else was--
and then everybody's phone it's like--
so there goes the under the radar secret trip to Mexico.
And then, yeah, we landed.
And I sent you that picture of like, ambulances, fire
trucks, because we had and we had to fly around
for like six hours--
To dump the fuel.
--to dump the fuel.
Which still wasn't occurring to me,
this might be because if we land badly, it will explode.
And so it just shows you how irrational fear of flying
is when there's things that you really shouldn't be afraid of.
And then when there's actually something you should
be afraid of, you're not.
You weren't.
But then everybody-- then you have
to get-- so that flight took you, because you
had to go all the way back.
Then you fly to Mexico again.
Well we had to, just that was the plan.
So we just decided to follow through with it.
Yeah.
So there was drinking going on.
Well in order to get back on the other plane, well
everyone's like, how could you get back on another plane?
I was like, listen we've had to fly around
for six hours dumping fuel, we all got pretty hammered.
Because who knew what the end this was going to be.
So let's go out with a--
you know, well some tequila.
Exactly, nothing wrong with that.
All right, we're going to take a break.
And I'm glad that you're OK.
And I'm sorry that I called you to get you here early.
That's OK.
But you look beautiful.
Thank you.
And I'm happy you're here.
I love you.
I'm happy I'm here as always.
We'll be back.