Hey guys!
Welcome back to Lavendaire.
It's so good to see you again.
I feel like I haven't done this in quite a while,
so it's nice to catch up after my trip to China.
So I went to China, hung out with my dad and my family,
and I got inspired to talk about this topic, shifting from fear to love,
because this something we can do in every aspect of our life,
and it will literally change your life for the better,
learning to shift from the mindset of fear, to the mindset of love.
For example: I was just reflecting on my relationship with my dad.
I think when I was younger, both of our relationships were set in fear.
For example: His fear – and this is a fear of a lot of parents –
is he didn't want his child to be a failure.
He wanted this child to succeed and do all this stuff.
And that’s why, when I was going through a lost phase,
it was really frustrating for him to see and frustrating for the both of us.
This is what happens when parents try to tell you to not pursue those crazy dreams.
They're saying it out of love because they care for you, but it's out of the fear in that love,
meaning they love you and care about you so much that they're afraid that you're going to fail.
They're afraid that you're going to have some bad experiences in life.
They're afraid that things are going to happen to you,
and so they try to protect you from those things.
That's why… I know a lot of us have that issue of not seeing eye-to-eye with our parents.
I mean, they're coming from a place of love but it's covered in fear.
And also, on my side, I used to have such fear of the future, fear of uncertainty,
fear of failure as well, and that fear of not knowing what's going to happen,
that fear of not being able to control what's going to happen
that gave me a lot of anxiety and overwhelm.
And I still kind of deal with that now, wanting to control things more than I can.
So instead of really focusing our energies on that fear and letting that manifest in our lives,
it's so much better for all parties to shift the focus to love.
So in my case, shifting from fear to love is learning to let go of having to control things,
and learning to embrace uncertainty, learning to trust the universe.
Trust is the big word.
If you love something or whatever, you just let it be and you trust.
You embrace it.
I think of it like this:
Imagine you have a butterfly.
Fear is wanting to hold that butterfly so tight because you love it so much and you want to protect it.
But the more anxious and fearful you are, the harder you're gonna grab onto it.
And eventually, you're gonna harm that butterfly and it might die.
But love, with that butterfly, is really just like letting it be on your hand.
Open hands, open arms, letting it be, letting it exist,
and loving it and supporting it for what it is,
but not trying to control it or take it for yourself.
Love is letting something be free as it is.
When I think back at my relationship with my parents and myself –
and this applies to a lot of parent-child relationships I know out there…
The parent's job is learning how to love and let your child be and support them,
and not try to control them in any way and don't act on that fear.
Don't impose your fear onto the child.
And then on the other end, the child end of the relationship is learning
to live without that fear of wanting to impress your parents
or fear of not making your parents happy or fear of failing,
fear of all of the things that can go wrong,
and instead, live based on love:
loving yourself, loving those around you, just focusing on the love that's there,
and trusting the universe, that whatever happens is for your greatest good.
I think that's the hardest part for us to do, is learning to trust the universe,
especially if you're kind of a control freak and you want to control things
to happen in the exact way that you want it to happen.
It's just learning to embrace the uncertainty.
Also understanding that, if you follow this love and see everything through the eyes of love,
and have this mindset of love rather than fear,
then the universe will guide you to the greatest possibility of your life that could happen.
It's something greater than you could ever even plan for yourself,
something that is beyond what you could have imagined.
So yeah, learning to shift from fear to love, and you could apply this to any other area of life.
For example, in romantic relationships.
If you really love this person and you want to stay with them,
but you live with the fear that this person's going to leave you
or the fear that this person doesn't like you for who you are –
there's just so many fears that you could have –
if you act and live from those fears, you're just gonna be crazy
and you're going to drive yourself crazy and your partner crazy, so it's important to focus on the love.
Another example can be your health.
If you really want to be fit and healthy, and yet you go about your exercise and diet plan
being afraid of gaining weight , having fear of weight gain,
that fear leads to anxiety, which leads to eating disorders
because what you should be doing instead is not focusing on the fear,
but focusing on the love: learning to love your body.
And if you love your body, you're gonna want to nourish it and take care of it.
And there really is a distinct difference, acting on fear vs. acting on love.
Whatever you're going through in your life, whatever situation's challenging you right now,
ask yourself: Am I seeing this through fear or love?
Or: Am I acting on this through fear or love?
Just remember that you can always make that shift, from fear to love.
And I know that it's scary, but that's the point:
Love is about just trusting the universe, trusting whatever is there.
The butterfly, keeping your hand open, letting it sit there,
and love it without wanting to take it for yourself and control it.
I hope that made sense, shifting from fear to love.
It's just a little thing that I wanted to share.
And lately I feel like I've been – I don't know, I feel a little different again.
I guess this year I'm really embracing change.
I embrace that physical change in my life, moving into a new apartment
and then with the China trip, kind of getting reacquainted with my dad,
getting to know him more, our relationship is changing.
And I feel like I'm changing.
I'm just trying to figure out what direction I want to take my channel,
how I want to push myself creatively,
and just try not to do the same things over and over again,
but rather push myself to change and embrace and transformation,
wherever that may take me.
So I hope you have a beautiful day.
I love you guys so much, and I will see you in the next one.
Bye!