I don't know about you, but I have not
stopped thinking about my hair.
I don't know if you have, but you
know when something's your thing,
and you think everybody must be thinking about it?
But anyway, my hair--
I told you a story about my hair, the coloring of it
and everything, last spring.
I'm not going to recap the whole thing.
But long story short, my hair was long,
and then it was short, and then it fell out and umm..
right of my head, like it was breaking off out of my head.
And as I said back then, it started with the same sentence
that all bad hair stories start with, which
is "I tried out a new person."
And you know that story, right?
So when she colored my hair, it turned a lot of colors
except for blond, which is the one I was going for.
And it was bad.
It was like really, really bad.
And my hairdresser said I needed to shave it really short,
so that the color was completely out of it,
and I would grow new virgin hair.
And since I wasn't working over the summer, that's what I did.
I--It was like I was a talk show host part of the year,
and then in the summer I was like a Marine.
And I really planned on coloring it again, because I got--
it was like you know--
I'd never seen my natural color.
I'd been coloring my hair for so long.
And it was really, really short.
And I knew that I had to grow it out.
And I was going to color it.
But then I got used to it.
And I was like, oh, it's my natural color,
and that's what I should do.
And Portia liked it.
And a lot of people liked it.
And it was the first time, like I
said, that I had seen my natural color.
This is what it looked like.
It was that short.
And that is my natural color.
So I was going to keep it that way.
But then Mary, who's right over here--
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah.
She called to give me her opinion, which was
that I should go back to blond.
And everybody knows Mary, because you
remember how I talked about her rash all last year.
[LAUGHTER]
And I guess the rash was contagious,
because I made a rash decision after I
agreed to go back to blond.
So then my virgin hair was touched
for the very first time.
And--
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Yeah.
Thank you.
So anybody who gets their hair colored knows it's a hassle.
And that's why I didn't want to do it again.
So I go to get it colored, sit in the chair for two and 1/2
hours, and the color wasn't right.
So then I go back the next day, another two and 1/2 hours.
I mean, first of all, I've not cut my hair since you saw that.
This is some--June 29th I cut it.
This is how long it's grown.
I have not had a haircut.
And so I don't know how five hours to color this.
Some punk-ass kid can tag an entire overpass in six minutes,
and I'm five hours to do this.
Anyway, I don't know how we're still coloring our hair the way
we did in the '50s, too.
We have--each hair gets its own individual little foil wrapped
like a tiny little baked potato, that we sit there angled in all
these ways to get their little foils on there.
And then we sit under a heater till we're crispy.
And if we're lucky, it stays on our head.
Anyway, it was such an ordeal, I was making a joke,
I should just wear a wig, and then umm--
because it's easier.
Oh, I should?
OK.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah.
Well, I went wig shopping.
And I brought my writer Lauren to pay.
And here's what happened at the wig shop.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SINGING) I can't keep on losing you.
Lauren, we're in a wig shop.
But you are here with me, because your wig is--
Oh.
I can't--
OK.
That's amazing.
All right.
If you--
It's good.
--have something that's that natural, and yet
when you pull it, it doesn't come out,
that's what I'm looking for.
I think a little came out.
Well.
(SINGING) How many mistakes do it
take till you leave when I'm left with my hand on my face?
Are you getting that one?
I'm trying it for the first time.
Is that real hair?
No, this is synthetic.
Synthetic.
And what is it made of, like, guitar strings?
Wow.
That feels almost like your wig.
Wow.
How are you?
Welcome to wig heaven.
Wig heaven.
I'm wiggin' out, man, just being here.
That's a good name for a shop, too, Wiggin' Out.
I think there is a Wiggin' Out.
And what about Getting Wiggy With It or Hair We Are.
Oh, that's good.
Is that good?
Yeah, that's good.
What would this be used for?
To enhance your ponytail.
Ooh.
Uh-huh.
This is my mother, by the way.
Oh, god.
Yeah, that looks--
How's that?
That enhances it.
Is that good?
That really enhances it.
Oh, wow.
What's your name?
Lenya.
We're wig shopping for me really.
I'll be honest with you, Lenaya.
What's your name?
Lenya.
That's right.
So what do we want to look like?
I want to look like me.
There may actually be a wig called the Ellen.
Oh.
What?
Yeah.
If I had known I had my own wig, why would I
be doing this the whole time?
So much easier.
I wear a wig every day.
And I know--
Is that a wig?
Yeah, this is a wig.
That's fantastic, Lenaya.
Is that right?
Lenya.
It's OK.
[BLEEP] You know what?
I meet so many people, Lenaya.
We can get a wig that's very close.
Is there a name for this one?
Yes, they all have names.
Do you have one named Kristen?
Because then it would be Kristen Wig.
That's funny.
That's very good.
And we do have a Kristen.
Really?
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
Yes.
Natural?
Yeah.
That's pretty good.
Oh, yeah.
You know what?
Anybody watching "Bachelor in Paradise"
right now knows that this is John Paul Jones.
Don't insult my intelligence.
We can leave.
I think we're done.
I think we need to fix this.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
What's wrong with this?
You have the wig cap all the way down here, so we can see it.
And I think it's on backwards.
So I can show you how to wear these.
Don't you dare.
I know what I'm doing.
Let's take our ears out.
This is the best thing for my ears that's ever happened.
My ears stick out.
Watch what happens if I do that.
They're cute ears.
No, they're big ears.
But you know what?
Obama has big ears, too, and look at him.
I know.
He's smart as a whip.
There you go.
Hm.
Yeah, that's better.
So we can cut this a lot shorter, right, to your hair--
All right.
--and get it like a 613 blond.
OK.
I cut my own hair all the time.
Do you like it?
I really do.
I do.
All right.
Blow on my face.
All right.
Not my lips.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SINGING) I call my girl because I got a problem.
Do I have a big head?
God, do you.
You need to buy a double-wide.
Is this Charo?
Yes.
That's Charo.
Cuchi-cuchi coo.
Everyone remembers Charo, right?
Everyone remembers Charo.
What about-- I've never looked gayer.
All right, this is closer.
Where's the Ellen?
Did you find the Ellen wig?
Which one?
Well, how many Ellen wigs are there?
There's two.
There's a few.
Those are not the Ellens.
Ellen who?
Yeah, exactly.
Ellen Burstyn?
You should try it.
Kenya.
Try this one.
These are Ellen?
This is insulting.
OK.
That's exactly what your hair looked like.
Which is the Marx brother?
Harpo.
Yeah.
It's very curly.
Harpo.
[HORN HONKING]
What's your name again?
Let's see.
I like that.
You like this?
I really do.
Mother, what do you think?
That looks great.
I think that looks great.
Let's try this one.
This is fuller, and it's the length you want.
That's like a Tracee Ellis Ross wig.
She would wear that.
A lot of actresses wear wigs.
Yeah.
Oprah does.
You know that.
Yeah.
Gayle does.
Stedman does.
John Travolta does.
Justin Timberlake wears wigs.
Justin Timberlake?
He does.
Bruno Mars wears wigs.
Reese Witherspoon does-- she doesn't have hair.
She wears the wig because she doesn't have any--
I mean, she does, but it's, like, just on one side.
It's weird.
Do you want to cut my hair?
Mm-hm.
Oh, dear.
Do you like your job?
[LAUGHTER]
[HORN HONKING]
[SCREAMING]
Mm.
Got a tickle up my nose.
When we style the wig--
Oh.
--we're going to--
What?
No!
[INAUDIBLE]
[HACKING COUGH]
Are you OK?
[HACKING COUGH]
Oh, my god.
You OK?
I thought that was going to be water.
But--
[HACKING COUGH]
What's this?
That's the ponytails.
Oh.
I thought it was, like, pubic hair,
because see how it's down--
see how it's like that?
So I thought it was, like, pubic hair.
Do people buy that?
They buy merkins and all kind-- yeah.
Merkins.
Yeah.
That's what that's called?
Well, the merkins are lower.
So why would they wear that?
Because they don't have any maybe?
But a lot of people pay to get rid of it.
I know, but it's coming back in style.
Wow.
Really?
Yes.
The bush is coming back in style.
Yes.
Who knew?
What have we decided?
It's going to be a surprise.
The reveal will be later in the show which one we picked out.
[HORN HONKING]
Ah!
It was right there.
I know, but--
Right there.
--still shocking.
OK.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
All right.
So I'll show you the wig.
I'll show you which one I decided on.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Thank you.
Hi, I'm Andy.
Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel,
so you can see more awesome videos, like videos
of me getting scared or saying embarrassing things,
like ball-peen hammer, and also some videos of Ellen
and other celebrities, if you're into that sort of thing.
Ah!
[BLEEP]
God [BLEEP]!