- Hey, everybody.
This is the fourth and final video
in my series about sex,
and this video is all about sex health,
so let's just jump into it.
If you're new to my channel and you haven't subscribed,
make sure that you do and turn on your notifications
so when I release a video, you hear about it
and you can check it out.
But, let's jump into this topic about sex health.
So, the first topic that I wanna jump into
are STDs or sexually transmitted diseases,
and how often we should get tested.
I heard from many of you on Twitter
that this was a concern of yours
and you weren't really sure what you should do
or how often this should happen.
Gonorrhea, syphilis,
and chlamydia are the most common STDs out there,
and doctors recommend that if we are having sex
in any capacity, we should be getting tested
at least once a year.
And to make this as effortless as possible,
you can get these checks done
when you go for your yearly physical,
which you all should be doing each and every year,
to make sure everything's running just
the way it's supposed to,
or at your yearly OBGYN checkup.
However, if you are engaging in sex with multiple people,
and the people that you're engaging in sex with
could be having sex with other people as well,
this pretty much just means that if you're not
in a monogamous relationship,
and you're sleeping with other people
and they're not monogamous to you,
you are at a higher risk,
and so if that is your lifestyle choice,
if that's what happening for you,
doctors recommend that you get tested
every three to six months,
just because our ability to, you know,
contract an STD is higher.
Our risk is higher 'cause we're with multiple partners.
I also know that many STDs can take up
to six months to show on a test,
meaning if you had, you know,
sex with someone and you contracted an STD,
and you got tested, let's say, a month later,
it might not show up on that test.
And so, make sure that you are always practicing safe sex.
I know that many of us worry, you know,
"Oh, if I stop, it's gonna ruin the moment,"
but nothing is less sexy than an STD.
So, make sure you're practicing safe sex.
Now, let's move into safe sex practices
so that we can reduce our overall STD risk.
And truthfully, I think we need to talk about this more
because not all kids are taught about sex
or safe sex in school at any point in time,
and so when are we ever gonna learn?
So, I'mma teach you right now.
The first thing I want you to do is,
if it's possible, I know this is not always the case,
but if it's possible, talk about this ahead of time.
Or, at least plan ahead.
Bring multiple dental damns or condoms,
we never know if something's gonna rip, tear or break,
or, let's say we start engaging in sex,
and then we take a break
and we decide we're gonna have sex again,
we can't reuse that condom or dental dam.
So, make sure you have multiples, just to be safe.
Using a condom for penetration-based sex
as well as oral sex is the best way to stop yourself
from getting an STD.
And note that you can also use dental dams
to protect yourself when giving oral sex.
For anal sex, make sure that you use condoms
and a lot of lubricant.
And the reason that they always talk about this,
and this is something that I learned
as I was reading about this for you guys,
is that the tissue in our anus is extremely sensitive
and can tear easily, which leads to a higher risk
of contracting an STD or any blood-bound bacteria,
or any infection.
And so, using lubricant just ensures
that there won't be any tearing
and keeps us all safe and healthy.
And to prevent pregnancy, there is oral contraceptives,
there's IUDs, there's Depo shots,
there are so many options out there
and I feel like there's always something new coming out.
So, if you are considering engaging in sex
and you wanna make sure you don't get pregnant,
please talk to your doctor and find out what's best for you
because if taking the pill everyday
and remembering to take it at the same time everyday
is just too much for you,
you wanna make sure that your doctor knows
and they can tell you what other options are available
so that you get the best fit for you and your lifestyle.
The next topic that I wanna address is,
how do we talk to our doctors about our past abuse?
This could be an OBGYN or our regular doctor.
If we have an appointment to see them,
it can be really nerve-wracking,
we can be super, super nervous,
and how do we let them know?
The first thing we can do is, we can visualize.
And I know that sounds weird as being the first thing,
but you can visualize yourself going to the appointment,
and being calm and being okay,
and surviving it and feeling good at the end.
It sounds silly, but if our brain feels like
it's already been there and it's already done that,
it's much calmer.
And if you struggle to even do that on your own,
you can ask your therapist
to do some exposure therapy with you.
I have a video about exposure therapy
that I'll link in the description for more information,
but it's really helpful for you to imagine
that you're going there, imagine it's happening,
and use some tools to help calm yourself down,
and we progressively move towards actually going
to the appointment until it's our time for the appointment,
and we show up, and we feel completely and utterly calm.
And the second tip is to tell them about it over
the phone when you make the appointment.
I know that that can be really hard,
but maybe you're just reading off of something
that you wrote down previously.
Maybe you worked with your therapist on it
and you have exactly what you need to say,
and you can just read it off,
making sure that they get all
the information that they need.
This can be a great way to preemptively prepare them
for your appointment so that some things
are set up ahead of time, like,
let's say you prefer to have a male or female nurse present
throughout the whole examination,
they can ensure that they can do that for you,
and letting them know ahead of time,
make sure that person's on staff that day,
and all of those things.
So, bringing it up right when you're making
the appointment on the phone may be easier
and it also could give them a better opportunity
to give you the things that you need.
Oh, also, when you're making that appointment
and you're telling them about the past abuse,
make sure that you also mention any pain you may
be having as a result of the abuse,
because that may be hard to say in the moment
and we wanna make sure that they know ahead of time.
And the third tip is,
bring a supportive friend.
Make sure that they can come in the room with you,
that's another thing you could say on the phone,
but having someone there who's always been there,
who's super loving, caring and supportive,
can make all the difference.
And the fourth and final tip,
if you aren't able to tell them over the phone
or if something goes awry and you don't know,
and you haven't said anything,
write out what needs to be said,
what symptoms you're having,
all the things you want your doctor to know,
and read it off when you go.
And what you say can look something like this.
"Thanks for seeing me today.
"I want you to know that I was abused in the past
"and therefore, I'm gonna need you to tell me
"what you're going to do before you do it
"so that I know it's going to happen.
"Okay?"
And I know that there's a lot
of other things we might ask for,
things we might wanna say,
but I just wanted to give you an idea
of how you could verbalize it,
and just as an FYI,
I find doctors', like, attention spans are really short,
so try to keep it succinct
and put your most important asks upfront,
so that we know they're listening
and we have their attention when it matters the most.
And the next topic I wanna jump into
is pain during sex as a result of abuse,
and what we can do to better heal.
The best thing we can do is work with a sexologist
or a pelvic health physiotherapist.
We have a Kinion in our community
as well as a really good friend of mine
who have both found a lot of assistance in this area
from seeing a PT or the pelvic health physiotherapist.
Now, obviously, in order to make these appointments
and see these specialists,
we're gonna have to be at a place
where we're able to have pelvic exams.
But, something they can help you with
is understanding how your protector muscles
in your vagina may have gotten so tight from the abuse
that they're just kinda, like, overworking.
And they can teach you how to relax them,
there are techniques, there are creams like numbing creams
and all sorts of things I've heard from other Kinions,
as well as my friend,
that have helped sex become much more enjoyable.
Because our body's been through such a horrific trauma,
all it's trying to do is to keep it from happening again,
but working with a PT or a sexologist,
they can help us understand how
to better relax those protector muscles
so that we can enjoy sex.
And I think that's why, while we're doing that,
it's best to start out with some non-sexual touch,
something that feels completely safe
and benign to us, and slowly moving in the more sexual realm
and at our own pace because all of this can be really hard.
And again, like, going back to the other videos,
we don't wanna add another layer of trauma
on top of what's already happened to us,
and so making sure that we're going at our own pace
while we're using our tools,
then all of that work and all of the appointments,
and seeing the professionals and stuff,
that's when that all starts to benefit us,
and sex can become much more enjoyable.
And the final thing I wanna talk about
in this video when it comes to safety,
is physical safety within the LGBTQ+ community.
And I talked about this briefly in a video I did
with my friend Rosille a long time ago,
I'll link that in the description,
but I'm putting it here just because I do think
that it needs to be talked about more
and many of my Kinions told me on Twitter
that they wanted this to be added in.
I wish we lived in a world where people getting hurt
or assaulted didn't happen,
but unfortunately, we don't.
And so, be aware of your surroundings,
be aware of where you're at,
and notice if people are watching you,
and they're noticing that you're holding hands
with a same-sex partner
and that feels a little uncomfortable to them
and you just notice that they're staring,
maybe that's not the time to try to make out.
And I know that this sounds terrible,
but we need to prioritize our safety first.
If you notice someone lurking or creepily following you,
make sure that you only walk in groups,
make sure no one's left walking to their car by themselves.
Or, if you find yourself walking by yourself
and someone is following you,
make sure you go out into a very public,
well-populated, well-lit space because,
like I said, I hope that the world changes
and this isn't something that we have to keep talking about,
but in the meantime, I don't want anything terrible
to happen to any of you.
And so, if you are out in public
and you are worried about your safety,
you know, just be aware and take some actions
to put yourself in a more safe situation.
This video has been brought to you by
the Kinions on Patreon.
If you would like to support the creation
of these mental health videos,
click the link in the description and check it out.
I hope you found this entire series about sex helpful,
whether it made you a little bit
more safer in your practices
or is helpful in your own recovery process from abuse,
I hope there was at least one nugget of information
that you found extremely beneficial to you.
And again, if you're new to my channel,
make sure you're subscribed
because I put out videos on Mondays and Thursdays,
and you don't wanna miss them,
and I will see you next time.
Bye.