Hey guys, I'm Michael thank you so much for checking out our first virtual spectrum. I am so excited about this episode
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My preference is for you to marry a black man
who is smart, who is kind. But, I love you
you still don't come to my house and we still gonna make fun of him cuz he got unseasoned chicken and
we gonna do that too.
My name is Felicia, I am a black mother of two little girls and I live in Miami Florida.
My name is Janelle
I live in Wake Forest North Carolina and I am the black mom to one amazing little six month old boy.
My name is Andrea. I live in Humble, Texas. I am a black mom to four black boys.
My name is Audrey Rene
I am a black mother of a five year old little girl and I am from the Hampton Roads area in Virginia
My name is Donnya and I'm a black mom to a three year old and a one year old
I live in Louisiana right now.
I am Latreese. I live in Tampa, Florida. Black mom to three beautiful girls
Hip-hop is a bad influence on children. Three, two, one, go.
And the songs that we grew up on like Missy Elliott and Ciara they were popping the beats are..they get us moving
That's what makes us us
But the lyrics you guys all the times always about sex and drugs here and there and it's something that can be changed
I know a good amount of the R&B songs that we have are very soulful
gearing towards black beauty nowadays, but a good majority is very
inappropriate
Hahahaha
I just already disagree. I completely disagree.
I feel you, strongly
And I think it's the wording of the question. hip hop. Everything is bad for our kids
It's not just hip hop and when you say R&B,
95% of R&B songs talk about sex. Let's romance you. Let's turn off the lights. Exactly.
And so when we continue to perpetuate like it's hip-hop. No, ma'am
Country's talking about drinking, rock and roll's talking about killing themselves
Everything is impacting our kids
And so what we have to get back to doing is talking to our kids. We cannot let music be the sole
Influence for our children.
Right, but that makes it very broad. The question is for hip-hop in particular and like you said
That's what our role is for as mothers to teach them right from wrong. Cuz I mean we were raised in that environment
But you guys are amazing women
Y'all have a good head on your shoulders and so do I. So we have to continue that and teach our children the same way
I feel like there's a difference between hip-hop and rap. To me
Hip-hop, it is biggie, Tupac even Kendrick Lamar those type of music have messages and it gives them an open sight of what
Our culture is and I don't think that's a bad thing. Now, but when we speak about rap
Megan Thee Stallion, I don't want my child listen to that or you know, Nicki Minaj. I'm not really feeling that either
I don't have a daughter to say this woman who raps, my daughter can't listen to that
but I do have sons who I don't like for them to listen to NBA young boy his lyrics like too much for
Them and the things that he say from my knowledge
He's speaking truth. He's speaking life situations of his own. I just don't want that type of
Enthusiasm given to my kids. I would go as far to say
it's not rap, it's not hip-hop, it's certainly lyrics because like you said we think of Megan Thee Stallion, who has a lot of songs that are very
Empowering besides just the things you talk about but you gotta listen to her album to find and pluck it out
If that's a woman's choice to say speak
Whatever she wants to speak, it's us women that are attacking her for that choice for me when I hear that hip-hop is bad
It's hip-hop as bad as it pertains to Meg and Nicki but you're rocking that Tupac and that Biggie and that Jay-Z
Who's a whole adulterer? That's okay? No, let's not do that.
I want my child to marry someone black. Three, two, one. Go.
I'm black and I'm proud
No, I'm really I want a yes. I want them to be in love. I want them to be in love with a black man. Society
will have us believe that there are no good black men out there and that's simply not true
I want my daughter to be loved and loved well and I don't care what the skin color is
because then that puts her in a box to thinking that I have to date a black man because my mom
Wants me to date it because that's what we're putting in our children's head
If you agree with the answer, that's what you're probably telling your daughter or your son and then that's fine
If that's what you believe in but we want to make sure that we emphasize a lot more than just dating a black man
We want to emphasize. Well, how is he treating you? Is he loving you right? Is he leading your household? Is he supporting you?
I guess I want to stress that I want my daughter to be loved because I've been hurt. I don't care
It doesn't matter who I've been hurt by
I just been hurt and so at the end of the day because I felt hurt and she's
Experiencing that with the lack of a man not being in her life. I don't care what race he is
I want her to understand what love is, period. Yeah, I think we have to be careful in our conversation though in
grouping a preference with a lack of acceptance
Like my preference is for you to marry a black man, who is smart, who's kind, who's generous, and all those things. But
I'mma love you still gonna come to my house and we still gonna make fun of him cuz he got unseasoned chicken and he can still sit up there and we gon do that too
But a preference, my preference is that they bring a nice black man home
I just want to be 95 and I have a generation of people and then the great grand grandkids
Don't look like me
It's just I mean, I know it just seems like it's a visual thing just a skin color
But I want to just have a family of just us, what we created, what I me and my husband created
It's just odd to me that when it comes to interracial relationships. We automatically assume black and white. When I think interracial relationships, I think
Anyone that's not the same race. So if he comes home with an Asian, with an African, with you know
Whoever I will do my best accept her as long as she don't try me and as long as nobody call me the n word or
Asking me to touch my hair and all this stuff
As long as you love him for him, it's not a fetishization because he's a black man, you love him. We're fine.
My child's money is my money
Three, two, one. Go.
Technically speaking, all that money all that money in your piggy bank, I did give it. Now, I'm not the mom to take it
But if I'm in dire need of it, I do feel like I have an obligation to, you know.. take that
Not like I'm not taking your whole piggy bank.
When I was younger
It'd be like if you had three dollars and your parents took it they'd be like i'll pay you back and then a week later
Can I get those three dollars back? The three dollars is in the dinner you had last night
Hahaha
My daughter she had a slime business and so she
Made money off of her slime business and she broke a little girl's toy one time
you gonna go into your piggy bank and you're going to go get that money out
and you're going to give it back to her cause you broke it
I wanted her to understand and be accountable.
Although I know this is your money, when something like a mirror broke in my house because you decided to do something you're not supposed to
Be doing you're gonna pay for that because out here in the world
They're not gonna cut you no slack. Okay? you park your car in the wrong spot you're going to pay for that with a ticket
Believe in whooping your child as punishment.
Three, two, one. Go.
I disagree with it
Because it's not about taking that completely away like off the table
But I try to find other methods and so I started to take away
Electronics because that's her thing. I learned my child and what she responds to. I have four sons
so I don't think that that is
necessary for
everything that they do
Especially I have two teenagers - a ten year old and a one year old. So their
Punishments should all be different. So my sons like to play video games. They like to sit on their phones
and those are the only things that they really just care about because a whooping is gonna last you know a few seconds and
They still get to go back to be on their phones and be on
their game so they kinda would probably prefer a whooping and they know mama gonna get tired anyway
cuz they some big boys
Hahaha. It's not gonna last.
They get immune to it. They do. They do. They be like let me just take this beating and then I'ma go right back and do whatever I need to do
They get immune to it and so I've gotten backlash from that from my family
The older generation
They are so gung-ho with that method that if I don't do it
I feel pressure to do it now because if I'm not doing it and my child's not responding in a certain way
My mom is over here and my dad's like you're not raising your child correctly
So the pressure from my own culture and family makes us believe that we have to use that method.
With my one-year-old
She definitely does get a little tat tat, you know, because it's more of an attention grabber than it is
I'm trying to hurt you, you know what I'm saying? But the other thing is because I'm a mother of three girls
I don't allow my husband to do any of that
ever. He's not allowed to put his hands on them. And that was something we talked about prior to getting married
I'm just really
Cognizant of what that messaging is, right? If I'm allowing there a man to put his hands on them
That's not gonna work now
Yeah, and he doesn't have to you know, when you have a father he can just say I'm disappointed and they melt into tears
So, trust me I know. Hahaha.
Now with me they want to try and go back and forth and I'm not your little friend, you know, but with him its like oh my god im sorry dad. You don't wanna disappoint daddy.
I would support my child if they chose to be a cop.
Three, two, one. Go.
It doesn't sit well with me I know it's good to serve the community and the country
But as for my kids that are walking outside
Day to day. I just cannot put them in harm's way. It just, it terrifies all just think about it.
Me personally, I've never had a good experience with a cop, ever. The things that we see with how cops treat us as
black people, me having a black son and how I have to raise him and educate him more than you know,
The average child or whatever is really really frustrating
But if he walked in the door and said mom, I want to go to police Academy
I want to become a cop I would have to, in front of him, support him. I have to.
All of us have this like
Trepidation when it comes to the police
Well, the only way we can really fix that is to have more black and brown faces on the police force and so
We have to start encouraging people that are really truly interested in it
I'm actually in the position now my oldest son
He's a junior in high school and right in the midst of all of this craziness
He gets accepted into this prestigious program that I know nothing of because he wants to be a detective
I can't speak for everyone, but I did not have that feeling like oh
Something is gonna happen to him. I told him that he can do whatever he wants to do as long as you know
He puts his best foot forward.
My child has faced racism
Three, two, one. Go.
I said disagree because my daughter is three and all the kids around her age
are at a stage of just realizing what colors are like a couple weeks ago
My daughter just told me that she was brown
Abby's always usually the only black girl and a lot of the white kids around her
they actually want to be like her. Like this one girl was like "I want to have skin like Abby, I want my hair to be curly like Abby, mom." They're literally
Tugging on their moms dresses like it's kind of weird, but at least it's not negative, you know
And I don't want to experience that at her age
It's funny that this question came up because my daughter just experienced it probably like a couple weeks before they canceled school
I let her wear her hair out natural for the first time, it was just like on twist out. These girls,
she told me that while he was outside playing that she couldn't play with them because she don't have hair like Elsa and
my daughter
Did not understand. She didn't understand what that meant. Then, she came home and was like mommy can you straighten my hair?
And I was like no
And so
I decide to let her know like you have hair and if they don't want to play with you because you don't have
Elsa's hair
you can find someone else. But that was the first conversation I had to have with her about race because
It was the first time she ever had to deal with it
so it was kind of just like are they learning that on their own or is that
parents teaching them that.
The one that stands out to me when I had to get involved because when I try and teach them how
to defend themselves and their culture
But when this teacher accused my daughter of
Stealing then that was a whole other conversation that I had to get into. And she had no proof
I brought the principal in, she was like, "Well, she looks like she steal."
wow.
oh now its gonna get different real quick
Cuz I was like what do you mean she
Looks like she would steal? Do you have proof that she stole?
"Well, she was the only one that was standing around the desk."
And so my daughter was like mom can I say something? I was like, you sure can. She was like, "Well Valerie was standing by the desk too
But she didn't look like she stole anything."
I ain't gonna tell y'all what I said
But I said a few things
But my daughter she asked me, "Did she saying that because I'm black?" I said, yes baby she did.
Joe Biden is invited to the cookout.
Three, two, one. Go.
Here's the thing about Joe.
I feel like Barack Obama made Joe Biden look better than what we thought.
And I don't mean that Joe Biden's racist. Well, I'm not gonna say that. I don't know if he's-
Don't look at me like that, Latreese!
I don't know if he's racist or if
He's just extremely senile because a lot of the interviews I'm just like
It might just be time to go golf for the rest of your life
It's enough and if you're gonna be invited to something like the cookout, which is a black experience
You gotta do better.
You can't trust him. I don't know.
He had me bamboozled.
I really was rocking for Joe, but now I'm like I'm with you Janelle. Are you senile boo or do you just be lying-
Now I wish I would've changed my answer to N/A-
I don't feel like I'm able to answer this question because I have no idea what she's talking about
And I'm just going off of "Love and Hip Hop"
So- no not Joe Budden
Joe Biden!
People assume that I'm a single mother. Three, two, one. Go
I feel like for me personally I've felt it
Mentally, like if I know my husband's at home
I would think that someone else is thinking that I'm a single mom
Like it just kind of stresses me out because I know that I'm not and it's honestly not a bad thing anyways
My mom was a single mom, so was my aunt. They raised all of us together
So I know it can be done.
I actually had a really crazy experience right before I gave birth to my son.
I was shopping. Beautiful young black woman comes up to me
She's like, oh far along are you and we're talking we're talking and she starts giving me like these
Resources for single pregnant women and I'm just like well I was like, thank you so much
But I'm actually happy to be married and you know, my husband's just he was somewhere out of town or something like that
She was like, oh
I'm so sorry and I'm just like it's crazy how just because you see a woman by herself, and she either has kids or
She's pregnant, I would just think, Oh, she must be a single mother
So there's so many biases that I had to check after I had my child and during my pregnancy.
I am a single mom
So it's so funny because I haven't been married
It's just it's really surprising to me that married women have just been perceived in that light. For me
Although it's my reality as far as taking care of my child. I try not to think in a "woe is me"
Situation because that's how they approach it. Just because I say, yes. It's an immediate
Assumption that I'm just a single woman that can't take care of my child
I just find it great to know that most of you are married as black women because I've been around single moms and
this kind of helped me step out of my comfort zone to know that our black community
We do have households that have men in them that are care of their kids
So it this is really, it's really nice
That's a wrap. Thank you so much