- Pokemon?
Isn't that game for little kids?
- Shut up!
- Who the f--k are you?
And why are you wearing my pajamas?
- Hello, sir.
You may be asking yourself who we are.
- Yeah, I just d--
- Being that you are the president of Pokemon America, we would love the chance to
regale you with some of our ideas for the Pokemon franchise.
- That's it. I'm calling the cops.
- You can't!
You see, I went in your bathroom and found a little superglue and put it on your seat.
- That's not superglue.
(dramatic music)
- Uh... anyway, we just feel that Pokemon has become a bit stale and old and thought that
maybe if you did some crossovers with some other popular things, we can make Pokemon fresh and relevant again.
- I don't need your ideas.
- Too bad!
(Pokemon game music)
First of all, Pokemon battles are too boring. They need to be more realistic.
- Let's do this.
- Wish me luck.
- Wait!
There's some asshole camping Pokemon out there sniping everyone.
- Relax, dude. I got a riot shield.
Hey, try to shoot me now! Oh, what's that? You can't shoot me 'cause I got a ri--
(screaming) Oh my god, I'm dying!
Why am I dying?
I got shot in the foot!
Thjs game is so unrealistic! (groans)
- Whoever's shooting out there is the deadliest damn Pokemon on the planet. (gunshot)
- And the best part is, we already have six sequels planned.
- Who the hell is gonna buy six sequels of a stupid shooting game?
Well, it's a no.
It's too violent.
- Okay, so not a fan of violence. That's cool.
How about romance?
- We now return to Days of our Pokemon.
- So wait. You're telling me I'm not the father?
- I'm sorry, but no. It is another.
- Damn it, Misty! I've saved you from Team Rocket a dozen times!
The least you could do is tell me who the father is.
- I'm sorry! I can't!
- Damn it, Misty!
- We're safe now.
He's gone.
- Don't worry. We have an even more romantic idea.
(medieval adventurous music)
- Sleep with me and give me dragon babies.
Do it, or I'll cut your f--king head off.
Yes! Dragon babies!
- Ugh! Guys, people don't watch Game of Thrones just for the sex and dragons.
- Yeah, they do.
- Okay, so let's just think of something that's more family friendly.
- This is f--king boring.
- Pokemon is first and foremost for kids. What else do kids like these days?
- All right, fine.
How about this one?
- ♪ My Little Poke, My Little Poke ♪
- Hi, friends.
- Hi, Pikachu!
Isn't today great?
- Yeah. But if this is supposed to be a kids' show, then why do all of our fans look like that?
- No! No brony crap.
Okay?
I think the next logical step is to take Pokemon into the reality realm.
(honky-tonk music)
- Mama, where's my Go-Go Juice?
I has to have it.
- 'Kay, honey. I get that for you.
(beeping)
(deep inhale)
(grunting)
(fierce grunting)
- (groans) That's not gonna work! Snorlax is not nearly fat enough to play Honey Boo Boo's mom.
- Fine. Then how about this?
- Who wants to get wasted off Hyper Potion and snort rare candy off Misty's butt crack?
- Rare candy.
Not even once.
- I have to say, these are some of the best Pokemon ideas I've ever heard. I think I'm gonna hire you two.
- Really?
- F--k no!
These are without a doubt the absolute worst ideas I've ever heard!
I'm quite certain I now have brain damage listening to these half-baked ideas from the pair of you two vapid t--ts.
Now, get the f--k out of my house!
I got a Pokeflute, and I know how to use it!
- Okay, please, sir. We just wanted to help you.
- Oh, funny bone, funny bone! Anthony, do something!
- Magikarp, do something.
- Oh my god, dude, I think we just killed him.
- No.
He just fainted.
- He has a 3-inch hole in his head.
- Okay, we should probably get the f--k out of here.
- Yeah.
Sorry.
- Karp!
(Psycho theme plays)
- To see bloopers and this...
- To make love is to be underwater.
- ...click the video right here!
- (sings indistinctly) Hey!
- Click the Magikarp to subscribe!
- Karp! Karp!
- And if you don't, Magikarp will snipe your ass.
(happy music)
(gunshot, loud scream)