hey everybody happy Monday today we're
gonna talk about forgiveness versus
reconciliation but if you're new to my
channel welcome my name is Kati Morton
and I'm a licensed Marriage and Family
Therapist and I create mental health
videos that are released each and every
week so make sure you're subscribed and
have those notifications turned on so
that you don't miss out now let's get
into today's topic we've all heard the
old adage forgive and forget but what
that doesn't take into consideration is
what we tend to assume when we hear the
word forgiveness I don't know about you
but when I think of forgiveness I think
of letting someone off the hook or
approving of their behavior sometimes I
even think forgiving someone means that
I have to take them back or enforce to
continue the relationship with them but
if you think about it
forgiveness doesn't actually mean those
things and I was doing a patreon hangout
with one of our community members and
she reminded me of this forgiveness
really means to let go of any feelings
of resentment anger or a desire to get
back at that Meno vengeance
forgiveness doesn't have anything to do
with the other person
we actually have complete control over
it and can offer it to ourselves or
someone else at any time and that old
saying also doesn't mention how we can
learn from our upsets and forgiveness so
that we don't enter into those
situations or relationships again forget
makes it seem like we have to let it go
as if it never happened like it's not
okay to have any memory of the event and
I don't believe that to be a wise move
because we should always be learning
about ourselves and those around us if
we can forgive someone for line and
cheating on us we should take the time
to look back on that relationship you
know see if there were any red flags
that we overlooked or ways that we could
have communicated better picked a better
partner etc that way we are less likely
to find ourselves in that hurtful type
of situation again and I wanted to
discuss this just because I think it's
vitally important that we understand
and forgiveness so that we are able to
live our life free from built-up anger
and upset forgiveness requires us to use
our wise mind which I like to think of
as our clear unencumbered with emotion
mind it allows us to see things clearly
and recognize that if we forgive we
aren't letting the perpetrator off the
hook instead we're letting ourselves off
and that's why we need to consider that
forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation
I'm going to say that one more time
forgiveness does not mean reconciliation
those two words aren't anything alike
and if that's difficult for you to
understand here's an example I had to
end a friendship a few years ago and
this was a close friend of mine we had
slowly grown apart and hurtful things
have been said on both sides we got
together one last time and I remember
thinking you know I'm not even upset
with her anymore I forgave her for what
she had said and done but we just
couldn't be friends anymore we were
different people with different ideas of
what friendship is and what's included
in it and you know what that's okay my
forgiveness didn't mean I approved of
what she did or that I wanted to be
friends with her anymore
instead it meant that I did want to stop
thinking about it
I wanted to stop worrying about it and
stressing about having to see her again
and so I forgave and I walked away
overall I think we need to change the
way that we talk about forgiveness
instead of forgive and forget we should
say something like forgiveness so you
don't have to keep thinking about that
jerk or maybe we can make it sound a
little bit nicer like forgive and you'll
set yourself free or I don't know
something like that
I'll keep workshopping it but I think
we're getting close and so what I would
like to challenge you to do today is to
consider is there someone that you're
struggling to forgive why has that been
so difficult for you what would offering
that forgiveness mean to you
are you possibly thinking that
forgiveness means reconciliation
or approval around what they did if we
consider that and choose to see
forgiveness for what it is a way to let
us off the hook
of upset and future resentments maybe we
can give it more freely hell maybe we
can even give it to ourselves I hope you
enjoyed this video and it helps you
improve your life one step at a time
and I will see you next time bye
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