(crow cawing) (eerie music)
(thunder clapping)
(glasses clinks)
(both spits)
- This is so unfair!
I finally meet MY Prince Charming,
and he's sailing away tomorrow!
- Tomorrow?
Do you think that'll be enough time
for him to admire my wit and charm?
- More than enough.
Prince Hans!
Of the two of us, who do you think is the most irresistible?
- Me?
- Or me?
- Ladies, how's a man to choose between two such
extraordinary... creatures?
- With your eyes closed.
Surely it's a decision he can make
when he returns triumphantly from The Queen's mission.
(Gaston laughs)
- Look at you, Hans-y,
in town for a day
and already have maidens fighting over you. (chuckles)
I bet no girl's ever turned you down.
(Gaston grunts)
- Not exactly.
♪ Across the sea in the Southern Isles ♪
♪ The Westergaards live in exile ♪
♪ Our fall from grace was a long way down ♪
♪ So to make my mark ♪
♪ I would need a crown ♪
♪ I was 13th in line, so I had no shot ♪
♪ But a princess bride ♪
♪ Now there's a thought ♪
♪ I had one chance ♪
♪ I knew I couldn't fail ♪
♪ So I set my sight on Arendelle ♪
♪ Their queen to be was "Meh" and cold ♪
♪ But her younger sister was cute ♪
♪ Sold! ♪
♪ We met, we clicked, we sang and danced ♪
♪ Then I thought, "Hey Hans, now here's your chance" ♪
♪ I popped the question and she said yes ♪
♪ But now here's the part where it becomes a mess ♪
♪ Our wedding date was set ♪
♪ But then my bride takes off ♪
♪ And when she comes back says, "Meet Kristoff!" ♪
♪ She'd changed her mind although god knows why ♪
♪ And I thought there goes my alibi ♪
♪ Who dumps a prince? ♪
♪ Sure, I'm insincere ♪
♪ But for some random guy who talks to reindeer? ♪
♪ Can't you hear my heart plea ♪
♪ She can't see what we see ♪
♪ It wasn't meant to be ♪
♪ Maybe now he'll choose me ♪
♪ No, me! ♪
♪ After all you've been through ♪
♪ She doesn't deserve you ♪
♪ One thing that I know is true ♪
♪ It's not me, it's you ♪
- Ha!
I mean did she think she was gonna do better than a prince?
- Well, mother says it's a sign of poor breeding
when someone chooses a peasant
over someone with grace and poise.
- Yeah, which explains why no one wants you!
- You're just jealous.
- Am not! - Are too!
- Ladies, ladies, stop bickering
and pay attention to more important things.
Like me.
♪ In a quiet little village in the South of France ♪
♪ I could make girls melt ♪
♪ With a passing glance ♪
♪ I had trophies on the wall ♪
♪ From the wars I won ♪
♪ And the widows afterwards ♪
♪ Mhh, that was fun ♪
♪ Everything was perfect in my perfect life ♪
♪ But there was something missing ♪
♪ And that was a wife ♪
♪ She'd cook, she'd clean ♪
♪ Be with the kids all day ♪
♪ Then she'd call me perfect and do anything I say ♪
♪ There was only one choice for my wife to be ♪
♪ She was gorgeous and everyone in town agreed ♪
♪ The only girl who didn't throw herself at me ♪
♪ What would you call that? ♪
- [Everyone] Dignity!
♪ I said, "Belle, good news! You're gonna be my bride ♪
♪ It's your lucky day ♪
♪ But there's one downside ♪
♪ The entire town thinks your weird and strange ♪
♪ But I've got it! ♪
♪ All you have to do is change ♪
♪ Everything about yourself ♪
♪ Then the town won't talk ♪
♪ 'Cause right now your friends are a candle and a clock" ♪
♪ She turned me down 'cause she disagreed ♪
♪ Then she threw me out ♪
♪ And said she'd rather read ♪
♪ Can't you hear my heart plea ♪
♪ She can't see what we see ♪
♪ It wasn't meant to be ♪
♪ Maybe now he'll choose me ♪
♪ No, me! ♪
♪ After all you've been through ♪
♪ She doesn't deserve you ♪
♪ One thing that I know is true ♪
♪ It's not me, it's you ♪
- She sounds like a monster.
- Ha! The monster is who she left me for.
And you don't f all in love with monsters, you kill them!
- [Crowd] Yeah!
- So I got every villager with a torch and pitchfork
to save her!
- [Crowd] Yeah!
- Which makes me a hero!
I'm still the most admired man in the village.
No! In all of France!
- [Crowd] Yeah!
- Women certainly do have a strange way
of showing their appreciation for their true heroes.
- Yeah.
♪ I've always thought it best ♪
♪ When I've had a choice ♪
♪ That a woman should be silent ♪
♪ And have no voice ♪
♪ When a maiden with a mind ♪
♪ Meets a man with power ♪
♪ She must know her place ♪
♪ Or it all goes sour ♪
♪ As men of wealth ♪
♪ Influence ♪
♪ Prestige ♪
♪ Are we not all fine specimens ♪
♪ Indeed! ♪
♪ They think that love is blind ♪
♪ And it can't be bought ♪
♪ Yes, but that's a lesson ♪
♪ And it can be taught ♪
♪ Yeah, listen to the man and ignore the wife ♪
♪ That's the only way for a happy life ♪
♪ The choice is simple ♪
♪ Choose me and thrive ♪
♪ Or have it your way ♪
♪ And be burned alive ♪
(all cackling)
(thunder clapping)
(ominous music)
- Well, well.
What have we here?
A gathering of men blaming a woman for all their woes.
How... innovative.
♪ Once upon a time, a familiar story ♪
♪ A desperate king needed fame and glory ♪
♪ Had to be the hero for the world to see ♪
♪ He may have fooled everyone ♪
♪ But he didn't fool me ♪
♪ No one ever asked how he got that crown ♪
♪ Or the woman by his side ♪
♪ As he pushed her down ♪
♪ He would have to pay for his behavior ♪
♪ A baby gift with a little flavor ♪
(Maleficent cackling)
♪ The difference between you and me ♪
♪ Is now I'm living happily ♪
♪ I can't say I'm sorry ♪
♪ It just wasn't meant to be ♪
♪ Choose me! ♪
♪ After all we've been through ♪
♪ We can see a new view ♪
♪ One thing now we know is true ♪
♪ It's not me, it's not me ♪
♪ It's ♪
♪ How can it be me if the problem's ♪
♪ You! ♪