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We do live in jacked up world
or more so
we live in a world with a lot of jacked up people.
Not jacked up as in trying to insult
people but yes, there’s a lot of damaged,
broken individuals
who haven’t healed.
Listen, the reality is that
you’ve probably been mean or
done things you shouldn’t have done.
Many times dwelling in your own hurt and disappointment,
so the same leeway you give yourself,
you got to give to the people. - I don't give myself leeway.
I beat myself up about- - like when I make mistakes.
Girls see the girl I dated,
I beat myself up the entire time.
This is a different girl than we just talked about?
Yes. These girls see--
I beat myself up the entire time.
I was always mad at myself
all the time because,
I’m now the person making mistakes.
I don’t give myself that leeway
which is why I’m still holding on to the past.
I’m not forgiving nobody [laughter].
This is something that I’m trying to work through as well.
That's a
a good revelation there because
like as you just pointed out
because you don’t forgive yourself,
you can’t forgive other people.
Now, you’re not only holding on
to your own disappointments,
your own mistakes
you’re holding on to everything any of anyone
else has done to you.
And it’s just this big ball of negative energy,
hurt, and disappointment,
and what it does is
create more hurt and disappointment
going forward.
You’re not curing anything,
you’re not making anything better,
and so
you’ve got to get to a place
where you can forgive yourself for these things.
The reality is that we’ve all made mistakes,
we’ve all done things were not proud of.
Some people may claim they haven't.
If they haven’t yet they will, all right?
It’s going to happen
but the key is to learn from it
and do better.
Again, not to get too spiritual- -
I still have to throw it in there. - Go ahead, please.
God makes it clear
if we want His forgiveness,
we got to forgive people,
and that means ourselves too.
What good is His forgiveness if we don’t forgive ourselves?
That’s true.
We live in bondage of our own guilt,
of our own misery, of our own shame.
That’s not going to be good for you
it’s not healthy.
Again, I think
you really have to look at it as
what’s done is done.
We can’t change what happened
but now, how can you start doing things
better moving forward?
Let me ask you this
the thought of forgiving the people
who hurt you- - I mean, we haven’t gone
through everybody.
How do you feel about that?
How do you feel about the thought of forgiving
all these people? Knowing that you’ve been holding on
to this for so long, and that
forgiveness is not something you’ve embraced
until this point.
I’m fighting for it man to be honest with you.
You say it.
I say I forgive but you feel it.
It’s still latched on
like a freaking parasite,
and so I’m fighting for it.
Like you said, I’ve made a lot of mistakes
it’s probably a long list of girls
in the comments who are going to say,
“What are you talking about?” “You hurt her?” [laughter]
“Look, what you did you did to me.” [laughter].
I know I’ve made mistakes
and I know I’ve done wrong,
and I know man,
I’m trying to get better
I guess, I just wonder sometimes
how much people hold stuff
over my head
and without getting too deep.
There’s somebody
in my immediate circle who I love a lot
and this person
does not forgive me for what I did
wrong to them a long time ago.
That’s one of the main reasons
why it’s hard for me
to forgive myself. I
it's not their fault they have
certain things that affect them that
they can’t
communicate those things.
I think part of that contributes to,
man, I feel like I hurt this person,
because they’ll tell you,
“The worst year of my life
was this year because of you.”
That has been like
a cloud over my head for so many years that,
I’m always afraid I’m going to do that again
to somebody else.
Then I wonder if I deserve anything good
because it’s like I complain about bad things
happening to me,
but then I just do bad things to other people.
We’re both just screwed [laughter].
I can’t ask God,
“Hey, God, help me out here.”
I feel like I’m in limbo.
That point of forgiving myself is
something that I’m trying to do.
Well you are in limbo.
Yes.
I mean, that’s the reality of it.
You’re stuck in this gray area
with that dark cloud you just mentioned.
I know it’s tough to
know that you hurt somebody so bad,
and they’re not willing to forgive you.
They can’t give you that peace.
You have to give yourself that peace
because the reality is this,
whether they realize or not.
I hope they’re listening to this episode?
Probably not [laughter].
If they don’t forgive you--
and let me make this very clear
to you and to everyone listening.
Forgiveness
is not an act of saying what
that person did is okay
or acceptable
or making any excuses for it.
It’s simply saying
I’m not holding on to this any longer,
I’m letting this go.
It’s done, it happened.
That’s it, all right?
That’s why forgiveness is for you,
it’s for your freedom
because as long as you don’t let it go
you are in bondage to that situation.
You live in this mental and emotional
and spiritual prison
because of it,
so you have to forgive to set yourself free.
If they don’t forgive
they’re only keeping themselves in bondage
that’s their choice.
I pray to God that they make the choice
to forgive,
but that’s on them.
We can’t control what they do.
You can only control what you do
and what you don’t realize is
if you’re so scared of hurting people
staying in this state
guarantees
you’re going to hurt
more people.
You are going to cause more problems
for yourself by doing this.
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